Mags or Rags?

There are some interesting magazines out there, but most of them kinda suck. Oops, I should rephrase that, most of the women's magazines suck. Isn't there something more interesting to talk about than makeup, fashion, losing weight, gossip about celebrities and pleasing your man in bed? Now I know what you men will say - "no there isn't, actually." And of course I'll know you're talking about the last one... ahem. (Here is where my boyfriend would pipe in and say something to the effect of how maybe I should read MORE of those magazines... *thanks, thanks a lot man...) (It's a little weird how I treat myself like crap when I'm acting as my boyfriend, I think I should talk to my therapist about that one.) (Note: I don't have a therapist, perhaps this is a sign that I should have one?)



AHHHHHHHH. I need to stop the extreme tangent action. Let me get to the point NOW. Here a 5 things that SUCK about women's magazines...



5) The magazine has an impossibly perfect-looking person on the cover, and even then it has to be photoshopped until she is almost unrecognizable as human.

4) You try to find the Table of Contents and you have to leaf through the first 20 pages a few hundred times in order to locate it.

3) When you try to find an article, you can't even find the page number because they can't be bothered to put numbers on every page! Are they really saving that much ink by omitting page numbers on 75% of the pages???

2) You are finally enjoying the article on page 127 and you get to the bottom of the page and it says, "continued on page 212." So you spaz out AGAIN trying to find page 212. (Sometimes at the bottom of 212 it will then make you go to 242 in order to finish the damn article. This will often result in a magazine flying across the room.)

1) The articles are often boring and useless. We need more Maxim-type photos and articles, but for women!

Oh wait, I just ran across this: Guy Without His Shirt: Check out this month's half-naked hunk. Hmm. Well, it's a start... Wow, there are lots of guys without their shirts on there. And oh, there's a Body Language Decoder, Sex Tips from Guys and Sex Positions - Master these moves for maximum pleasure...

Wow, researching this blog topic was rough. Well, I'm gonna go now. I've been a little sidetracked here... Maybe reading magazines on the internet is my thang...




If you're still bored after viewing all the guys without their shirts and examining all the suggested sex positions, these are somewhat interesting:

Doctored magazine covers

Best magazine covers

Confusion for Comedy Movie-Goers

When planning a night out at the theatre, it can be a daunting task to choose where to spend your precious time and hard-earned dollar. This is particularly true for comedies. I think it's because comedies aren't usually high quality productions. People's sense of humour also varies tremendously. People who loved Naked Gun may hate Ace Ventura. People who loved Deuce Bigelow may hate The Big Lebowski. It makes no logical sense and cannot be predicted. You can only tell by actually watching the show. No way around it.

Case in point. Below is a typical breakdown of how a comedy may be rated by the general public.

Current rating: 2.93 / 5

Total Votes: 1,115

• DAMN GOOD MOVIE with some very funny moments!!!
  
• Excellent movie, all my friends enjoyed it, A MUST see comedy.
  
• Good start that loses momentum by the final half hour.Not as biting as Spinal Tap,but some good chuckles.
  
• amazing soundtrack, this movie is worth seeing
  
• great movie, dirty humour but the soundtrack is seriously a 6 out of 5, really great!
  
• hilarious!!!!! worth the price of admission!
  
• I would have gave it 5 stars. But the full frontal nudity was a bit much!
  
• Hilarious haven't laughed that hard in a while. If you dont think this is a funny movie than there is something wrong with you. This is a must see comedy!
  
• Excellent comedy - laughed through the whole thing! worth the money to go to the theatre!
  
• Best movie!! Wow is all I have to say
  

Well, that seems like a total winner! I can't say that full frontal nudity is a deterrent for me. And usually, if enough people say it was funny, then it's probably a gooder. Uh, except for Knocked Up… That was BAD. I got duped by my friends on that one!!!

Anyways, it's all good until you look at see that about 1/3 of the people thought it was great and 1/3 thought it was awful!!!

***** 30.43%

**** 13.04%

*** 6.52%

** 19.57%

* 30.43%

Read on…

• I found it entertaining, but nonetheless, HORRIBLE. A laugh at movie, not a laugh with one.
  
• It could have been a lot better had there not been the raw nudity. it started off funny and myself and my darghter and my new son-in law were laughing until they started showing such raw nudity. that stuff doesn't belong on the movie screens of America .a country founded on God where around 80 % of the population claims to be christians!!!!
  
• This was the worst movie I have seen by far. The beginning was quite funny, but very soon I stopped laughing and was in awe at how bad it was. It was the worst spoof I have ever seen. It was like an extended Mad TV skit gone horribly wrong. The fact that celebrities and artists I admire actually agreed to be part of this film blows my mind. It was 1 1/2 hours of my life I can never get back.
  
• 96 minutes of my life I will never get back. If must see it, wait for the DVD
  
• One word "Horrible!" Not funny at all!
  
• one stupid movie!!! only 2 stars...some parts r really funny...but just wait till it come on dvd..rent it..not worth watchin this while there r so many other good movies playin as well...dont bother watchin this movie..IT AINT GOOD!
  
• Who could possibly find anything funny about this movie! I went in with high hopes and left without haveing laughed once. The odd smirk was the best I could do. Too bad; wait for the DVD,
  
• Horrible, Waste of my time and money!
  
• Not funny! Worst comedy i have seen in a while! Dont waste your money or time!
  

Which movie was it? Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. What to do, what to do…

Update: Guess what? We trepidatiously handed over 25 bones last night to see the story of Mr. Dewey Cox... And I know what you're thinking - $25?!? I know, I almost crapped in my pants. It was TUESDAY. What the hell happend to 2.50 Tuesday? LOL. Ok, I'm showing my age now... Anyhoo. Back to the guess what thing -> As we walked into the theatre, I saw the poster for the movie. It was from the makers of Knocked Up and Superbad! GULP. As you may know, I didn't like Knocked Up and I heard that Superbad was super BAD.

So trepidation may not be the right word... IMPENDING DREAD may have been more like it.

(Ahem. I'm making a very short comment incredibly LONG here.)

Dewey Cox, I'm happy to report, was really very funny!!! We were chuckling about some parts for hours afterwards, which is a definite sign of a good comedy. There was a lot of subtle humour mixed with a little more obvious stuff. And the full frontal nudity wasn't over-the-top at all. It was quite appropriate for the humourous intent. I don't find nudity offensive anyways... except maybe when it's my neked neighbour...

Making fun of chicks is pretty easy

These guys kills me... They must have had so much fun making this.

Gap Girls SNL

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Offensive... Nah, funny!

I came across this clip of the “insult comic” Lisa Lampanelli being interviewed for radio… Is she offensive, or just funny?

I've noticed some things about radio DJs (particularly on morning shows). They talk too much with each other. GAB GAB GAB -- I wanna hear some music dammit!!! And then they laugh way too much at each other’s pathetic jokes! I simply can’t listen to some morning shows. The radio ends up in grave danger of being hucked out the window because of a pack of DJ hyenas laughing at unfunny shit like it’s the most hilarious thing they’ve ever heard in their entire life, morning after morning after morning. In DJ school there must be a class called "Laughing at Everything 101" where they learn how to spontaneously crack up at NOTHING... (Which is why I listen to Garner on Sonic every day… he's different.. :)

At least in this clip, they’re over-the-top laughing at something that’s actually funny!

Happy Fun Ball

I used to watch SNL religiously in the early 90s. This thing still cracks me up...

If I see that camera again, I'm taking it away...

Went to the Finger 11 / Sum 41 concert on Monday night... But after only taking a few shots of Finger 11, security was all over me like a fat kid on a timbit. Finger 11 was pretty damn good... I'd seen them a few years ago, and they didn't disappoint this time either. Strangely enough, I'd never seen Sum 41 play, even though I've been a fan for a long time now. They were tonnes of fun... but no photos for you!!! I can't understand why they don't allow pictures. Security acted like it was saving the world every time they took an amateur photographer down.

What was cool though, instead of Sum's regular guitar player they had the lead singer of Gob on the strings. Not sure why that made me happy :) They only played one Gob song though. Oh well.

Disturbed by Disturbia?

I don't watch horror movies. This is because I hate having nightmares. And the two usually go together.

Tonight my folks were watching the movie Disturbia. At the start, there was a 14A rating with a warning. Parents were strongly cautioned about their children watching it. I looked over, my parents did nothing. It said something about scenes of extreme violence. Still, they did nothing. So I watched it. It wasn't that scary... Maybe a little tense at times.

Now the parents have gone to bed. I'm alone. And I'm not scared. It's just a heightened sense of awareness. That's all it is really. I notice every sound or slight change in the lighting. Actually, simply realizing that I'm sitting here alone in the middle of the night, in the dark and anything could be out there peering from the darkness into the windows watching me... sends a sense of panic through me.

N-n-nnnopp-pp-pe. N-n-n-ooooott s-s-scaarred.


ps. If I don't post a blog within 48 hours... then I dunno. I loved you all. Good-Bye.

Link: "Tom Cruise is allegedly planning to build a $10 million bunker underneath in preparation for the end of the world."

People who have gone mental always seem to do this.

That's why it would be tough if I actually did get a message from God telling me to build a bunker in order to eventually hide from invading aliens. At that point I certainly couldn't blame anyone for committing me. Hmm, maybe aliens avoid people in mental hospitals. I could only hope at that point.

I hope the folks in outer space don't read celebrity gossip on the internet. Does wireless go out that far? Anyways, if so, the article totally busts Tom on the whereabouts of his hideout! And I think if aliens have mastered space travel, they should be able to penetrate a man-made fortress as well.

Oh well. All the power to ya Tom.

Cartoonize me!!!

The shit that people can waste time on... I've been playing on the Simpsons Movie website, Simpsonizing myself and a few other people I know. I wanna do all my friends!!! Here is one rendition... You upload a picture of yourself and it converts to the Simpson version, but then you can adjust it. So I changed a few things (to make myself less hideous of course, haha, jk...) just to make it look more like me. Of course I had to change the nose to the pig nose version, but I don't know why the skin went so dark. Oh what a lovely tan I have!!! Oh well.


Now go waste some time and send me the fruits of your labour: Simpsonize Me.

Grand Prix 2007!!!

The Cougars vs. The Kittens

There's a new reality show starting tonight on NBC called Age of Love. It's similar to The Bachelor, but there are two groups of girls vying for the bachelor's affections, one is in their 20s and the other is in their 40s. The bachelor is 31.

Let me guess what this show is going to be like -- STUPID.

So of course I'm going to watch it. Now, I'm normally not the type of person to watch any old reality show. However, I'm curious. This could be prime ghoulish TV viewing. It could be.

One thing I can predict before even seeing the show, there will be much less jumping and screaming from the 40-somethings. Thank God.

Update: I'll know more after watching the second episode. I wonder several things, like which group has more sets of fake breasts and how many times the 20s will put down the 40s wrinkles, etc. All I can say to that is you 20-something girls probably won't look half that good when you're older! The older ladies have all been 20, the younger girls have never been 40, but it's yet to come girls, it's yet to come! The bachelor was shocked that everyone was 9 or more years older than him at first. I was a bit miffed at his reaction when he thought there were only older ladies, even though he wasn't rude about it. Then he made the best of a 'less than ideal' situation (in his mind) and forgot about age. I had to put myself in his place, ahem, then I could relate. I would be willing to meet much older men, but then I'd probably find myself drawn back to the young ones like a fat kid to the dessert table. Ah well. It should be interesting, though I doubt it will answer the question "does age really matter?" It's just entertainment folks.

Mango and the Jackass

My friend Kim works on the set of Christmas in Wonderland and is a long time fan of Garner's morning show on Sonic... So she hinted and HINTED that Chris Kattan and Preston Lacy should do an interview with him, which will be airing tomorrow morning on Sonic! Good work Kim!!! Kattan actually gives Kim a shout out during the interview...

Not sure if you saw Garner Andrew's blog yet, but he's posted some pictures. Hilarious.

I met Preston Lacy when I went down to the set to visit Kim one day. He seems really nice for a total Jackass. Wow it felt great to call someone a jackass, that is with it 1) being completely true and 2) not offending him... However, I didn't exactly "meet" Chris Kattan. First he yelled at me to get the hell out of his van. Then after I left he asked Kim, "Where did your stupid friend go?" And some other stuff. That I will not repeat. Haha. Hah.......... ha heh

Through Kim I've been able to meet quite a few celebrities over the years. It's not a huge deal to me, except when she had HEATH LEDGER CALL ME!!! Ok, that was kind of neat heeheehee. I'm getting all giddy just thinking about it. Ahem. Down hormones down! I wish she would've warned me first, that's all.

Last time Kim was in Edmonton, she worked on that movie with Neil Patrick Harris in it. I guess Kim was telling Doogie (sorry, I have to call him that still) about how her girlfriend (me, I'm NOT her girlfriend in a girlfriendy way, just a friendy way, but that's how she always uses the term) and her spent a whole day on the couch watching a whole season of Six Feet Under episodes and totally cried our eyes out (aww c'mon, it was Season 3, some SAD SHIT happens in that season... although we do tend to be movie-weepers by nature). Anyways, Doogie pipes in and mentions something about him and his boyfriend... This was BEFORE the cat was out of the bag in the media about his sexual orientation! She couldn't exactly correct him about her and me after he'd just outted himself to her! After that, she was forever a lesbo in his eyes and apparently outting her to plenty of people... On the other hand, she had to zippit about his true gayness or be fired. Basically.

Anyways, just tune in to Sonic tomorrow morning. DO IT.

The Killers Killed It!

So my idea for smuggling in the camera didn't work. It's just too darn bulky and the security guy was sooooo smart! I brought the decoy camera, which he noticed, but then he asked what was in the back compartment of my purse...

Uh oh.

No one's ever noticed the back compartment before! But luckily for me, at this show they just said no professional cameras and he let me bring it in! Yay! And he knew what a "professional" camera looks like, unlike security at that hockey game a while back. I only took a few photos, but they worked out very well :)

And the Killers killed. It was a great show.

No video up yet though (Dad, I know you'll be disappointed over that).

ps. If you're ever on a date and she loves live music, getting floor tickets is the way to go. She's going to think you seem young at heart, adventurous and brave, and you're going to get in a lot of Night at the Roxbury style body contact ;)

Music makes me happy

If only I could take photos like this one that Curt at better than crabs took at an illScarlett concert. I still love that song "Nothing Special" on illScarlett's myspace page. It turns a frown upside down EVERY time! Ah but, that's what music does for me. I was a bit cranky before My Chemical Romance the other night, but that didn't last long AT ALL.

Of course, I don't get a press pass to the shows I attend. And I get bopped around by the teenyboppers on the floor. Poor Jensies, I take her to these shows and we always have floor tickets and she's so small! I treated her to My Chemical Romance the other night, she tried to pay me for the tickets but I wouldn't have it. I hope she doesn't sue me for hearing loss when she's 50 though…

Another reason I can't get good photos at some concerts is because my camera gets confiscated like at the MCR show the other night!!! We were actually really close to the stage and it would have been awesome. My camera phone just doesn't cut it… ugh. In the past I was able to bury my bulky camera in the bottom of my bag and it went undetected by security. The guy was too wily this time. I thought about bolting into the arena when they weren't looking, but I figured that would get me a one-way ticket out of Rexall for the evening. And that just wouldn't work for me, so I gave it up. But I got the bestest idea EVER for the next concert. I'm going to bring a crappy camera in and place it in my bag on top of the good camera. When they find the crappy one, they'll stop looking and I'll surrender that one to security and walk merrily into the concert with my good camera! Snap!

By the way, don't start thinking I'm one of those annoying people that stands there filming the whole show. I just like to catch a few key moments for memory sake. Then I make a video that I can enjoy over and over again (like the one for Ok Go and Snow Patrol
J). Then Jen can watch it later and actually see what was happening on stage, haha.

Sometimes I spend my whole Saturday morning checking out new music I haven't heard before. These guys are coming to the Victory Lounge in a few days, check out their video here: The Reason – This is just the Beginning. Small venue, decent band, you can't go wrong…

I also can't believe I've never heard these guys before: Art of Dying – Get thru this. Not a bad song, not bad at all.

Ok, it's almost noon. Gotta get something done today!!!

Headache

I got a headache this afternoon. So I tried drinking some water, riding my bike, eating, whining about it, going for a walk, drinking a latte, more walking, sipping on a glass of wine, rubbing my head, eating some more, watching tv, more whining...

It's not working. I think I'm going to go to bed now and let the food, coffee and wine fight it out.

Though it did go away for a few fleeting seconds whenever I laughed.

I've started to get into that show 'The New Adventures of Old Christine' with Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She cracks me up. At one point her character Christine tells her ex-husband that he should call his girlfriend (who needed space so they were on a break) explaining to him that she's probably missing him and waiting by the phone. Big mistake because he called and she was actually on a date with another man. So Christine is trying to console her ex and says something like, "Richard I'm sorry, I thought I knew women. How was I supposed to know she was all full of boundaries and self esteem..."

I can't believe half this post ended up being a recap from part of a show I watched tonight. Hmm. Perhaps my life is getting a little too stable and I'm lacking material here. Or maybe I'm tired of poking fun at my life. That's why I like old Christine, she's such a total loser at times, it makes me feel better about my own (very occasional) idiotic behaviour. Did I say she cracks me up?

Oh man, I don't think I'm breathing enough here. No oxygen to the head. It hurts, oh how it hurts. More whining... Goodnight!!!

Why Saturn Why?

You know those songs that get STUCK in your head and you can't shake them loose? The only way to get rid of it is to think of an equally catchy tune (which likely means it's doubly annoying).

Well, the auto maker Saturn just added this tune to their new commercial. I actually like the song, especially watching the muppets perform it. It fascinates me. Why a car maker would want to put a muppets tune as a theme to an automobile advertisement beats me. The thing is that the chorus (one word over and over and over) gets etched in the brain. It's repetitiveness is delightfully charming for the 2 minutes of the song. The repetitiveness that continues in my head for the next 20 minutes drives me to the brink of insanity. After about an hour, out of sheer desperation, I'll even listen to Achy Breaky Heart in an attempt to displace the bloody thing.

Maybe Saturn used it because the ad wizard who came up with the commercial (like most of us) thought the song said "Phenomenon doo doo doo doo doo Phenomenon doo doo doo doo..."

Meet Joe Black AGAIN

I got suckered into watching the movie Meet Joe Black on TV again last night. Every time that show is on TV, it seems that I have to watch it... Even though I own a copy of the movie!

It always begins the same. I start watching so that I can gawk at Brad Pitt for a while (even though I don't have a crush on BP, I do think he's eye-numblingly beautiful. And don't worry, I realize that hair, makeup, wardrobe and cinematography helps A LOT). Next thing I know, I'm being drawn into the story AGAIN. Somehow, I get mezmerized. I can't take my eyes off the screen. Of course it's the kind of show a girl usually loves... A woman who has given up on her dream of fairytale love discovers that it really can happen. He looks perfect, he says the perfect things, incidentally she looks perfect too, and they walk together holding hands into the perfect fireworks ending. Somehow I don't hurl onto the coffeetable during all of this. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because the movie is very well done. Don't get me wrong, there are some discrepancies in the writing that I can't figure out. For instance, why hadn't Death, aka Joe Black, heard of the saying, "It's as sure as death and taxes" and yet in the next scene or so he spits out another common saying (can't remember what it was now). There are definitely times he doesn't know things and others where he seems to be all-knowing. Weird.

Anyways, what starts out as me having it on in the background while I work on something else winds up as a major distraction. Like a cartoon character who is walking by and smells a delicious pie on a window sill, I go into a trance-like state. I start floating in the air with my nose following the scent until I'm plunked down in front of the television screen, marvelling over how a human being can look so perfect.



Oh well. Now I'd better get something done today... And the TV stays OFF!

Office Jungle

I dunno, the Superbowl ads don't seem as good this year? Although CareerBuilder.com may have done it again with their Office Jungle series, pretty good. I still like the old ones with the chimps best.




Must admit, the K-Fed one was funny... check it here.

And the David Letterman/Oprah one was worth a chuckle (here), esp knowing their history.

Aren't some people just assholes?

Apparently Isaiah Washington called T.R. Knight a f@&&*# on the set of Grey's Anatomy. Supposedly Isaiah is in counselling right now to figure out why he would do such a thing (story here).

I'm wondering, though... Aren't some people just assholes? Should they seek counselling for this "disorder"?

If assholes need counselling for being assholes then there aren't enough psychologists in the world to handle all the work that needs to be done!

Oh, and what names can you call someone without requiring therapy? Can you call a girl a cow? But what if she's really really hurt and offended? How about bitch? Is that ok? I think so, because they do it on TV all the time. That makes it ok of course. But maybe if you called her a c!*#, then you should apologize to women's groups everywhere and seek therapy?

Oh geez, I'm confused. And I'm an arse sometimes too. Right now actually. In fact, this whole entry was quite aggressive. Good on ya Isaiah, for realizing you're an a-hole and exploring why. I should probably look into that myself. Too bad I can't afford psychotherapy. Anyone want to donate? C'mon, I must have scorned someone out there? Anyone?

Disclaimer#1: I'm in no way endorsing all the asses out there or name-calling or the f- or c- word. Not even when driving. Ok maybe when driving, just because they can't hear you. Road rage- not okay though.

Disclaimer#2: I'm also not indicating in any way that I'm as much of a dillhole as that guy Isaiah or anyone else, or comparing anyone to any other buttwad out there or saying anyone is more or less of an assface than anyone else, or saying it's ok in any way, shape or form to be a complete jerkmonger to anyone, even a total farthead.

Disclaimer#3: If you purposely call someone a name (i.e. 'idiot') but didn't mean it because it was done simply for the sole purpose of making a point and/or getting a few laughs, then it doesn't count.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

I watched Van Wilder again the other night. Haha. "Don't be a fool, stay in school." He was in school for 7 years. He came to the realization, thanks to meeting the blonde hottie who would change his life, that he'd been putting off growing up. He buckled down after that and finally graduated!!! Hmm. I think I may have just discovered the real reason I'm still in school. I haven't met my blonde hottie yet!!!

It seemed like a good idea at the time... That's the chorus of an OK Go song, and it could be the motto of my life. I seriously think through all of my decisions, very thoroughly, and there's always a fairly rational reason for why I do what I do. Err, at the time it seemed that way, but looking back... Woops.

Oh man, I just noticed that I'm not the first one to get the idea of imitating that backyard dancing routine (for reference, see the end of the Dance Classes! post). Check these out: Ok Go Dance Contest. I guess it wouldn't be the first time I had an original idea that someone else thought of first.

Uh yeah, I'm working on spreadsheets right now by the way... NOT watching videos! Ok so I got a bit sidetracked there. All I can say is if it wasn't for listening to music while I work on this nightmare heap of data, I would've gone off the deep end LONG ago (rather than treading water in the shallow end, as I am right now, barely... tiring out a bit now, gurgle choke cough).

Have an awesome weekend! Yay, the Ozzy Ozmunds are ripping out some tunes at Urban Lounge! I think it's high time to exercise some stress management techniques, complete with a little help from our friend, El Mojito. It seems like a really good idea right now, doesn't it?