I can't help laughing at this news story: Ice from airplane potty crashes through Calgary roof. Edmontonians could have a hayday with this one!
Poop accidentally released from an airplane above Calgary hit the home of a woman, who luckily wasn't hurt by the flying feces. In effect, you could say that the plane "sharted," since apparently the release of solid material was completely involuntary.
Scott Adams writes a funny blog about this story, check it out here: Death by Frozen Poop.
He's right, being killed by flying poop has the potential to erase a lifetime of accomplishment. Oh God, I'm not feeling so well right now. I think my thantophobia is acting up again (for explanation, click HERE)... No wait, this is a special case of thantophobia, which I'm going to call catagelothantophobia.
Luckily I'm not on the top floor of my condo building. Little do those 5th floorers know, they have a much higher chance of being shit on. You know that saying, "Eat shit and die"? Well, it looks like you don't even have to eat the stuff for it to be lethal!
Showing posts with label Current Events. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Current Events. Show all posts
Monday, February 11, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Women Drivers
Women drivers get a lot of flack. And I admit, I know some bad women drivers. That does not, however, prove the rule... Or the fact that I'm an awesome driver doesn't make the exception that proves the rule either!
These photos are actually pretty funny. Click here: The 2006 Women Drivers Awards. However, if you check out these videos: 10 Worst Drivers Ever Caught on Video, then you'd realize that not all of the 10 worst drivers are women. Does that prove anything? Perhaps. (I love video #2. That kills me.)
No matter what you think of women drivers as a generalization, you probably aren't thinking that women driving leads to a "Western-style" erosion of morality and a loss of traditional values. That's taking it a BIT far, don't you think? However, that's why Saudi conservatives and religious scholars have long argued not to give women the right to drive. (See: Saudi Arabia Agrees to Lift Ban on Women Drivers ... features Saudi political cartoon below.)
These photos are actually pretty funny. Click here: The 2006 Women Drivers Awards. However, if you check out these videos: 10 Worst Drivers Ever Caught on Video, then you'd realize that not all of the 10 worst drivers are women. Does that prove anything? Perhaps. (I love video #2. That kills me.)
No matter what you think of women drivers as a generalization, you probably aren't thinking that women driving leads to a "Western-style" erosion of morality and a loss of traditional values. That's taking it a BIT far, don't you think? However, that's why Saudi conservatives and religious scholars have long argued not to give women the right to drive. (See: Saudi Arabia Agrees to Lift Ban on Women Drivers ... features Saudi political cartoon below.)
I agree with the cartoon, but not in regards to just women drivers.
Asian drivers however...
Just kidding!
... or was I?
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Link: "Tom Cruise is allegedly planning to build a $10 million bunker underneath in preparation for the end of the world."
People who have gone mental always seem to do this.
That's why it would be tough if I actually did get a message from God telling me to build a bunker in order to eventually hide from invading aliens. At that point I certainly couldn't blame anyone for committing me. Hmm, maybe aliens avoid people in mental hospitals. I could only hope at that point.
I hope the folks in outer space don't read celebrity gossip on the internet. Does wireless go out that far? Anyways, if so, the article totally busts Tom on the whereabouts of his hideout! And I think if aliens have mastered space travel, they should be able to penetrate a man-made fortress as well.
Oh well. All the power to ya Tom.
That's why it would be tough if I actually did get a message from God telling me to build a bunker in order to eventually hide from invading aliens. At that point I certainly couldn't blame anyone for committing me. Hmm, maybe aliens avoid people in mental hospitals. I could only hope at that point.
I hope the folks in outer space don't read celebrity gossip on the internet. Does wireless go out that far? Anyways, if so, the article totally busts Tom on the whereabouts of his hideout! And I think if aliens have mastered space travel, they should be able to penetrate a man-made fortress as well.
Oh well. All the power to ya Tom.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
I'd Rather
Why do people always compare extremes? For instance, during the summer heat wave (which seems so long ago now). Someone mentions how hot it is and someone else pipes in and says, "I'd rather it was +30 than -30. Any day."
Well DUH. But why does it have to be between those two? Why not just say you'd rather it was a perfect 25?
It reminds of that game "I'd Rather." That's where you give someone two choices, and they have to pick which one they'd rather. For instance, would you rather be a chimpanzee with your brain, or be you with a chimpanzee brain?
Tough call.
Extremes. That's the thing. You have to pick between two similarly undesirable situations. But usually in life, there's always someone who has it worse off than you. We all know this. So why do people have to remind us? Like when you tell a person about something bad that happened to you. You just want them to say, "There there"... Instead they have to point out a worse case scenario...
You: Man, my ex BURNED all my Foo Fighters CDs!!! What the hell!? I had JUST bought their new one too. God this sucks.
Them: Oh yeah? She could've burned something worse. I heard about a guy in Russia who had to live with his ex-wife for 3 years after their divorce. I guess housing is fricken expensive over there. One night he sat naked, drinking vodka and watching tube and she set fire to his penis! It's probably just an ashy stump now.
You: Oh... Uh...
Hmm, let's play 'I'd Rather' for a second here... Boys, would you rather have your penis turned into a mini-towering inferno (details here) or have your left nut ripped clear off your body (details here)? If your answer is neither, then I'd suggest you treat your women like queens and never ever do anything to piss them off. Could happen. Or perhaps you'd rather just pick non-psychopaths in the first place.
Yeah, you and your genitals stand a better chance with the latter. Good choice.
Well DUH. But why does it have to be between those two? Why not just say you'd rather it was a perfect 25?
It reminds of that game "I'd Rather." That's where you give someone two choices, and they have to pick which one they'd rather. For instance, would you rather be a chimpanzee with your brain, or be you with a chimpanzee brain?
Tough call.
Extremes. That's the thing. You have to pick between two similarly undesirable situations. But usually in life, there's always someone who has it worse off than you. We all know this. So why do people have to remind us? Like when you tell a person about something bad that happened to you. You just want them to say, "There there"... Instead they have to point out a worse case scenario...
You: Man, my ex BURNED all my Foo Fighters CDs!!! What the hell!? I had JUST bought their new one too. God this sucks.
Them: Oh yeah? She could've burned something worse. I heard about a guy in Russia who had to live with his ex-wife for 3 years after their divorce. I guess housing is fricken expensive over there. One night he sat naked, drinking vodka and watching tube and she set fire to his penis! It's probably just an ashy stump now.
You: Oh... Uh...
Hmm, let's play 'I'd Rather' for a second here... Boys, would you rather have your penis turned into a mini-towering inferno (details here) or have your left nut ripped clear off your body (details here)? If your answer is neither, then I'd suggest you treat your women like queens and never ever do anything to piss them off. Could happen. Or perhaps you'd rather just pick non-psychopaths in the first place.
Yeah, you and your genitals stand a better chance with the latter. Good choice.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
One square, two square, three square... MORE?
There have been a lot of jokes going around about celebrities promoting Earth Day. I must admit, it is tough to take advice from someone about how to save energy when they're air conditioning a 10 000 square foot home.
The funniest piece of advice was from Sheryl Crow when she was brainstorming ideas about cutting down on paper products. I agree with her that people waste paper like crazy. I'm actually a bit nuts about it. Whether it's using paper cups every day, taking a stack of paper napkins at the restaurant, using multiple strips of paper towels to dry hands off in the bathroom, or even printing on one side of a page only...
It all drives me to the point of appearing the freak and going Terry Tate on their ASS! Haha, there really should be a Terry Tate Environmental Linebacker to beat a little sense into some people!
... They be in for a surprise! A RUDE, PAINFUL SURPRISE!!!
Ok, so back to Sheryl Crow... From her blog, she says:
Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgement I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."
ONE SQUARE? And two for twosies??? Does this lady NOT CRAP? Doesn't she ever have to pinch a sticky one off? Hahaha! Sorry, that was a little graphic, but it makes my point. I admit, some people overdo the whole toilet paper thing, but one isn't enough to wipe my cat's ass!
Anyways, at the end of a subsequent post, she says:
And by the way guys, the toilet paper thing...it was a JOKE!!
I'm wondering what part was the joke? She must be referring to her brother's comment? That was funny! I dunno, she seemed serious... though laughable.
The funniest piece of advice was from Sheryl Crow when she was brainstorming ideas about cutting down on paper products. I agree with her that people waste paper like crazy. I'm actually a bit nuts about it. Whether it's using paper cups every day, taking a stack of paper napkins at the restaurant, using multiple strips of paper towels to dry hands off in the bathroom, or even printing on one side of a page only...
It all drives me to the point of appearing the freak and going Terry Tate on their ASS! Haha, there really should be a Terry Tate Environmental Linebacker to beat a little sense into some people!
... They be in for a surprise! A RUDE, PAINFUL SURPRISE!!!
Ok, so back to Sheryl Crow... From her blog, she says:
Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgement I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."
ONE SQUARE? And two for twosies??? Does this lady NOT CRAP? Doesn't she ever have to pinch a sticky one off? Hahaha! Sorry, that was a little graphic, but it makes my point. I admit, some people overdo the whole toilet paper thing, but one isn't enough to wipe my cat's ass!
Anyways, at the end of a subsequent post, she says:
And by the way guys, the toilet paper thing...it was a JOKE!!
I'm wondering what part was the joke? She must be referring to her brother's comment? That was funny! I dunno, she seemed serious... though laughable.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Clothes mandatory, please.
Remember that classic Seinfeld episode where Jerry's girlfriend kept doing stuff around his apartment in her birthday suit and he was getting more and more disturbed by it? I have to agree that nudity is nice and all, but has its place. Don't get me wrong, I've written several blog posts on male gratuitous nudity and I'm all for it (with certain caveats of course- i.e. he must not be a relative or a creepy weirdo, he needs to take reasonable care of his grooming, hygeine and health, he's preferably under 300lbs and 50years old, etc... and the fewer of these caveats that are met, the more brief or non-existent the episode needs to be).
Anyways, there are simply certain activities that people should only participate in with at least some covering-up. When I think about these activities, running, bench-pressing and doing squats definitely rank way up there. Apparently, though, a Dutch gym has decided to forego all sensibility and hold training sessions for nudists (story: Gym strips off for training in the buff).
YIKES.
A few questions come to my mind:
1) Who were the ad wizards who came up with this one? Seriously, I'd like to be in that meeting.
"We'll call them 'nudifit sessions'... C'mon people, this is the solution to not one, but two problems... First of all, the staff have been a bit down lately, even bored with their mundane jobs. They are no longer finding the feeble girl trying to lift the 2.5lb weight, the muscle-monkey's loud echoing grunts or the women working out in full-on hair and make-up very entertaining anymore. Lord knows that rigging the treadmills to suddenly go at high speed and send people flying or greasing up the floor before the aerobics class would be highly entertaining but at the same time it's sure to pose a bit of a legal quandry. Secondly, there's a huge untapped nudist market out there- that is, people who work out in the buff. As a result, we feel that these 'nudifit sessions' will nicely solve all our issues in just one hour a day... Entertaining our staff while providing a service to the compulsively butt-baring public."
2) Are there enough nudists to inspire a demand for this sort of thing?
3) Do nudists actually work out? That's not the impression I get from the stories I've heard about the types of folks that frequent nude beaches.
3) How do women run without a sports bra? Ouch. Good Lord.
4) The equipment... A disinfectant strong enough to cleanse my brain of the mental pictures of what was perched on the bike or the bench before me simply does NOT exist. And disposable covers wouldn't do it, it would have to be disposable equipment. Can you say "ballsweat"?
Ewww.
Anyways, there are simply certain activities that people should only participate in with at least some covering-up. When I think about these activities, running, bench-pressing and doing squats definitely rank way up there. Apparently, though, a Dutch gym has decided to forego all sensibility and hold training sessions for nudists (story: Gym strips off for training in the buff).
YIKES.
A few questions come to my mind:
1) Who were the ad wizards who came up with this one? Seriously, I'd like to be in that meeting.
"We'll call them 'nudifit sessions'... C'mon people, this is the solution to not one, but two problems... First of all, the staff have been a bit down lately, even bored with their mundane jobs. They are no longer finding the feeble girl trying to lift the 2.5lb weight, the muscle-monkey's loud echoing grunts or the women working out in full-on hair and make-up very entertaining anymore. Lord knows that rigging the treadmills to suddenly go at high speed and send people flying or greasing up the floor before the aerobics class would be highly entertaining but at the same time it's sure to pose a bit of a legal quandry. Secondly, there's a huge untapped nudist market out there- that is, people who work out in the buff. As a result, we feel that these 'nudifit sessions' will nicely solve all our issues in just one hour a day... Entertaining our staff while providing a service to the compulsively butt-baring public."
2) Are there enough nudists to inspire a demand for this sort of thing?
3) Do nudists actually work out? That's not the impression I get from the stories I've heard about the types of folks that frequent nude beaches.
3) How do women run without a sports bra? Ouch. Good Lord.
4) The equipment... A disinfectant strong enough to cleanse my brain of the mental pictures of what was perched on the bike or the bench before me simply does NOT exist. And disposable covers wouldn't do it, it would have to be disposable equipment. Can you say "ballsweat"?
Ewww.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Excuse me, I farted.
How embarrassing would this be?
Lit Matches Prompt Emergency Landing
By Martin Weil
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, December 6, 2006; Page A08
I guess the FBI were called in and there were bomb-sniffing dogs... And all because a lady was too embarrassed to admit that she farted. Ok, attention all women out there, let's practice. Say this, out loud 10x:
"Excuse me, I farted."
I know, it's almost an impossible sentence for us ladies to get out. However, if I'm grilled hard enough, I'll admit to breaking the smell barrier. Some mysteries shall remain, however. There's still one fart in a car I remember not too long ago- there were 3 of us trapped in that stenchy hot box and NO ONE would admit to being the source of the sufferage. And it WASN'T ME. I swear!
I sat beside someone on a flight earlier this year and I'm sure it was him who had the silent but deadly gas leak. It came in waves. All of a sudden, there would be this larger than life pungent nostril-violating stench. It was so bad that my eyes watered and I could only describe the air in those moments as being 'thick'. Each time, it took a while for the air to clear. And on a flight there is no way to escape, almost as if being held under the covers by some sicko who thinks it's funny! Anyways, the guy slept the whole flight, but I'm pretty sure he was faking it so he wouldn't have to explain himself. I suppose that's a better option than lighting a match. Since when does lighting a match cover up anything anyways?
Lit Matches Prompt Emergency Landing
By Martin Weil
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, December 6, 2006; Page A08
A jetliner from Washington made an emergency landing Monday in Nashville after passengers smelled matches being struck, a Nashville airport spokeswoman said.
Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for Nashville International Airport, said that a passenger on the Dallas-bound flight, which had originated at Reagan National Airport, had been striking matches to mask evidence of a troubled digestive system.
I guess the FBI were called in and there were bomb-sniffing dogs... And all because a lady was too embarrassed to admit that she farted. Ok, attention all women out there, let's practice. Say this, out loud 10x:
"Excuse me, I farted."
I know, it's almost an impossible sentence for us ladies to get out. However, if I'm grilled hard enough, I'll admit to breaking the smell barrier. Some mysteries shall remain, however. There's still one fart in a car I remember not too long ago- there were 3 of us trapped in that stenchy hot box and NO ONE would admit to being the source of the sufferage. And it WASN'T ME. I swear!
I sat beside someone on a flight earlier this year and I'm sure it was him who had the silent but deadly gas leak. It came in waves. All of a sudden, there would be this larger than life pungent nostril-violating stench. It was so bad that my eyes watered and I could only describe the air in those moments as being 'thick'. Each time, it took a while for the air to clear. And on a flight there is no way to escape, almost as if being held under the covers by some sicko who thinks it's funny! Anyways, the guy slept the whole flight, but I'm pretty sure he was faking it so he wouldn't have to explain himself. I suppose that's a better option than lighting a match. Since when does lighting a match cover up anything anyways?
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