Online Dating: Some Final Words

Last week I featured a few posts from the world of online dating. My dating life has always been kind of like the "when it rains it pours" theory (see former posts: Dating Degrees of Separation and the now famous Escapee returns to nunnery after year-long experiment with dating). So I suppose this wasn't much different, just amped up a bit.

It was definitely an interesting endeavour. It certainly exposes a person to a much wider range of possibilities... Often people that wouldn't dare talk to you in person (could be shy... or because they look like quasi-moto) are sending you a message in cyberspace. There were guys sending me long rambling emails, who didn't care if I emailed them back. There were guys sending short emails, who didn't seem to notice that I didn't email them back, i.e. "Do you have long fingernails?" or "I bet you'd look great in tight jeans." There was seriously not a day that went by when something interesting wasn't going on.

Briefly, I recognized and ended up meeting a guy I'd photographed in a former post! See: Nekedness... The good, the bad and the uggo (and it wasn't the neked neighbour!). He seemed rather fascinated that someone featured his neked self on the net without his knowledge. Oh c'mon, it's not that creepy! Another guy sent me a photo of his penis. He was emailing me pictures of himself and I had specified NO below the belt shots! So when I opened the picture, I had to take a second to lift my jaw up off the keyboard again before I could respond. A couple of days later I emailed him and said, "FYI me and my friends are enjoying your photos..." He was actually surprised that I'd share the photo. C'mon man, there's no way I could pass up telling that story to the girls! Ahem, and then they were all curious...

You need to get past the freaks and have fun with the whole online thing. It's some prime entertainment (and can be addicting, which is why I got out). There are people who will chat with you but never make a move to meet you. They'll even ask to go for coffee and when you agree- nuthin. It's almost like the guys at the bar who collect phone numbers and never call. A fellow online dater used to get very disappointed at some men's inability to follow through. She'd give her number out to several guys who said they'd take her out on the weekend. The weekend rolled around- nuthin. I had to remind her of my motto: Let the cream rise to the top. And it certainly did.

I have never been a multi-dater or that relaxed about dating overall, but I became better at it (with practice;). I have to say, there are some benefits to multi-dating. Us girls can be pretty high maintenance and a little obsessive at times (case in point: The Psychology of Dating). We need a lot of attention! If you date several guys, it's like a perfect world... One brings you flowers, another calls regularly, one jokes around while another braves some pretty deep conversations with you, another takes you out to dinner while yet another is texting/emailing you sweet nothings. Several men = the ideal man!!! The biggest drawback? Like I mentioned in that former post about dating degrees of separation, I hate telling people they aren't right for the job. GUH.

In the end, though, I'm a one-man woman. And that's how it turned out for me... Yay!

Facebook Friends

I find it interesting that people who would never pick up the phone to call you are so quick to add you as a friend on Facebook. I've heard of a few people who didn't even recognize the said 'friend' at first... My friend Kim had this experience recently. She emailed me about it. I got a good chuckle.

I remember who [he] is!! I throw up on his shoes, and he was totally in love!!! Years later he called Mom and Dad's place and asked for me, I had moved out. He asked if he could leave a message, Dad said okay. "Can you tell Kim to Fuck Off?" Dad said he would pass on the message. LOL. What the?

I can see your underwear, part deux.

I s'pose I talk about underwear quite a bit (i.e. I can see your underwear (part one), In appreciation of Aussies). But I mustn't write about it that much because I haven't made an underwear 'label' for my posts. I still could, but I'm feeling blog-lazy at the moment... After all, it's summer- MUST GET OUTSIDE!

Speaking of getting outside, I was on a patio scarfing down some honey brown on the weekend and doing the usual people-watching. Lately I've been paying a lot of attention to jeans on men and what I call the phenomenon of fit. How low/high should they go? I think you can generally tell a guy's age by how high (and tight) his jeans ride. If his pants are too short in the leg because he's cranked them up to his ribcage, revealing a hint of a moose knuckle in the process, then he's probably over 40 and very proud of the moose knuckle to boot! If his pants are low-riding so that both butt cheeks are riding above the belt, then he's probably under 20... The exception for the young guy is if he's a computer nerd or geeky grad student, he'll still have those pants cranked up regardless of age. The exception for the older guy is if he's got a big belly because the paunch physically prevents the normal natural upward movement of the jeans.

Something I hadn't seen before was a young guy who had underwear that looked like jeans. At first glance, using my theory, you may have guessed him at about 30 years old. But oh no, if you examine the photo you'll see his actual jeans are dark and riding at about the 20 year old level!

Yes, a very tricky situation indeed... Translation: Michie stay away, no pouncing this one you little cougar cub!!! Wait a minute, did I just talk to myself there? And further to that, did I do it in the third person? Oh Lord, time to wrap this thing up...

As an aside, Nate's shirt kills me (on the right side of the top photo)... It says, "I have the body of a God" with a picture of Buddha.

Kamikaze

If my neck is sore tomorrow, I'll know why... The culprit? That song 'Nothing Special' by illScarlett. I must have listened to it about 94000 times. That's right, it's now up to 94724 plays on Myspace.com. Can't find it on iTunes though, so I'm forced to go to Myspace over and over in order to feed my addiction to the song.

My neighbours haven't knocked on my door to yell at me yet. The people upstairs can't really complain though, because almost every day lately it sounds like they're up there running around their apartment with cement blocks on their feet (like escapees from the MOB) or practicing wrestling moves on each other (perhaps the Hogan family has moved in?)

It's been far worse the last while than it ever was before, even though I whined about it back then (blog entry: The People Upstairs). Speaking of which, I used to hear them having sex all the time and haven't in a long time. There are 3 possible explanations for this as I see it...
1) They moved out and it's a new crew up there making all the racket, or
2) The couple has passed the honeymoon stage of the relationship and have gone from having sex to having fights, or
3) They moved on from quasi-normal sex to some sort of Kamikaze Kamasutra (I was first made aware of this bizarre sexual practice in the movie Fatal Instinct, God it's been so long since I saw that movie. It's so classic).

Alright... Time to shut the music off and go to bed. Hopefully the Hogans have tired themselves out by now.

The People Upstairs

What are the people upstairs doing all the time? They move furniture on hardwood floors, sometimes every day for a week. Last night they dropped something hard on the floor (and it bounced, don't ask me what that would be) and it made such a loud noise that it scared the crap out of my flighty cat (who was perched on my belly and instantly to springboarded off it, using her claws as leverage. Ouch!). Anyways, she quite often walks around the apartment with heels on in the middle of the day (I'm assuming it's the 'she' part of the couple) and someone clomps around back and forth from one end of the apartment to the other at all hours. At times it sounds like they're having a hopscotch race wearing giant work boots. Once in a while it’s so loud that I wonder if maybe I’m being noisy and they’re doing it on purpose as some sort of twisted (and useless) idea of a ‘hint’. Well, hints don’t work with me!

They don’t seem like the hinting type though, since one time we were sanding a door with an electric sander and he showed up to say that it was deafening up there. So I’m assuming that if there was an issue, he’d come down and tell me.

It was good that he came down and said something. Not just to open communication but also because I can now put a face to the people upstairs. I didn’t know who it was before but now I know that it’s this couple I see around here all the time. I also now know who the hell is having all that sex. This place is usually pretty soundproof besides the furniture shifting and clomping. So it was weird a while back when I heard a whimpering coming from above. At first I thought it was a dog whining. Then I thought it was someone suffering. It crossed my mind that maybe I should call 911 because it sounded terrible. She was sobbing and sobbing... Then the sobbing gave way to yelps of pain.

Then it became clear. This was not yelps of pain but yelps of pleasure.

Good thing I didn’t call 911.

Hot or Not???

There's this website called Hot or Not. I checked it out after reading an article in Psychology Today about how hot you think you are compared to how others percieve you. They said that you're probably hotter than you think and that this can be tested by posting a picture on this Hot or Not site.

I don't know if I have the guts to post a photo... I'd be tempted to post my best photo for a possible ego boost. This seems counterproductive to me because the point is to find out what people think of the real you. Truthfully, I'd be scared to post a photo of the real me though, because some people get really low ratings and I imagine they're just CRUSHED. I'm an optimist and I don't need that kick in the pants! I also thought about posting this butt ugly photo of myself as a joke, but that picture cannot ever get out. I don't want that thing circulating out there in cyberspace!!! It's some sweet blackmail material. Although I think Rose has a copy... RATS!!!

So anyways, on this site you rate people on their hotness factor. It's interesting to see what you think is hot and how others rated people. I get the feeling that 'hotness' has nothing to do with good looks, because some of the ratings really baffled me.

So I actually rated Guy#1 below an 8. I'm usually pretty nice about my ratings, because most people are hot to some extent, and I consider myself a 'potential-seer' (which you'd think is cool but definitely has it's own drawbacks when choosing men to date, but that's a topic for another blog). What shocked me was that others rated this guy a 4.5!!! 4.5? That's pretty miserable... Poor kid! That's especially shocking when you look at the freakshow Guy#2 below him and see that he got a fricken 3.7!!! Am I the only one that finds this strange? Hahaha. No comparison. Then look at the bizarre-lookin' dude #3... He got a 6.7!!! I'm missing the potential in that one. He doesn't even look NICE and friendly, let alone HOT. And what's he doing with his shirt off? I don't think that adds to his appeal! Err... maybe it did to someone?

In the end, I rated boy #4 as the hottest out of all the guys I saw on that site. Wow. He is a hottie. I think he got a 9.8. Yeah, no argument here.

Guy#1

Guy#2

Guy#3

Guy#4

My roommate is crazy!

He’s online all the time and isn’t diligent AT ALL about keeping his virus protection up to date. And then he’s always swearing at his computer (in French mostly). It’s not uncommon to hear him say “Ah putin! Ques-ce que c’est le bordel?!?!” And then he hits the top of his desk. His computer had such bad problems that it would just shut down out of the blue. And this happened for MONTHS till he finally took it in! We have a hub but ever since I got a new computer we haven’t figured out how to get it hooked up… and then I decided not to because I didn’t want a route for viruses to enter my computer from his!

Anyways, he’s the type of person who talks to himself all the time, and if you can imagine this in a very boisterous French style, it’s rather comical. At one point he had this exercise ball as a chair and he’d bounce on it to the music. Haha.

It can get rather crazy around here.

Actually, part of the way I knew he’s been depressed since Christmas is not only because he wasn’t his usual nutball self, but also because he was less vocal in all ways. He was eerily quiet.

Today he’s pretty loud about his computer. He’s having trouble reading his Adobe files now. “Fock! I don’t ondairrstand what eez goeeng on… Putin, c’est quoi cette merde!… Ques-ce que se pass la! Oh no, I can’t get on de intairnet now!!!”

Geezuz. I’m sure he has a virus again! He had taken his computer in a while ago and they said he had many many many viruses on it. So they cleared off what they could and told him that he’d have to reformat his hard drive in order to get rid of some of the viruses they couldn’t delete. That was over 2 weeks ago… and do you think he’s done it yet?

NO. I thought I was bad about being neglectful of certain things, but he’s got me beat by a loooong shot!