Jeans'n Tee Girl

I bought some T-shirts online recently. Jen put me onto this site a while ago, and my resistance finally crumbled miserably (and yet joyfully at the same time). Lord knows I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl at heart and I've been trying not give into my addiction. Oh well.

Here are some of the ones that made me chuckle. You should go check it, click here: Threadless.






The last one cracked me up so much that I bought it. hehe. Oh but wouldn't it be funny to wear the 'cowboys suck' on at the bar during Stampede... Arrgh, that would be scandalous! I love it!

Nutritionism?

A lot of media-written articles about nutrition are booooring. A lot of people don't give a shit anyways. They'd rather NOT know what they're putting in their bodies. I even have friends who are graduate students of nutrition and they will go get a slurpee or diet coke, sometimes regularly! Sorry folks, that stuff is what I call ANTI-nutrition. I've always said that it almost cannot even be considered food! It's not just non-food, it's negative food. Food should always be beneficial to the body, if not then I'm not sure it's "food". Blah blah blah.

I don't eat perfect, haha, but here is an article that sums up much of my personal theory about nutrition.

How to Eat in Seven Words

If you give a shit. Perhaps you'd have a easier time giving a shit if you ate more fibre, oops, I mean whole plant foods ;)

The computer is evil

And I'm off it as soon as I can rip my burning eyeballs from the evil screen! Why why why must it be a place where I work AND play?

Ouch. My eyes. Gotta tear. Myself away.

Please don't bring me flowers

I caught a photo of a spider taking down a beetle today. I had stopped to take a nice picture of the roses... They were full of bugs and bees. Icky.

So if you feel the irresistable urge to bring me flowers, please buy them laden in pesticide from the sterile flower shop. As much as I love flowers and nature, I'd rather it wasn't present in it's full glory in my house!

The Permanent Party Car

There are 3 things I know for sure:

1) When people hear my trunk thumping from 3 blocks away, they don't think I'm cool.

2) Not everyone wants to hear my music. I think it rocks, but I'm not advertising.

3) The people who live in my apartment building do not need to know every time I enter the parkade.

Alas, there is not a thing I can do about it. (Except maybe buy a new stereo. Ugh.)

It started a few months ago. Something went wrong out of the blue. Now the thing plays one song at a time and at one volume: LOUD. It's been hot lately. I must have the windows down. They must think I'm a total punk.

And there are some CDs that play even louder than others. So loud I can't even THINK. Did you ever notice loud music does that? We've all had to turn down the music when parallel parking. Hmm, maybe that's why they play the tunes so loud at the bar. God, that explains a lot of my dumb choices. Ahem. Add alcohol and I totally have a defense! Oops, total tangent there...

We call it the Permanent Party Car now. It's either Party or Silence. So I guess it's party!!!

I'll just have to ignor the fact that I feel like a dork. And I've certainly had to do that before. Once or twice.

A Spring Evening in Edmonton

A true story about the hazards of photography... and the deceptiveness of the final product...

No Mojitos for Me

Somehow I got an infestation of white flies on my mint plant. They spread from there to all the other plants on my balcony.

I felt like saying to them, "Y'know, I don't mind if a few of you wanna just hang out and have fun. It's just that you've totally crashed the party here. You told two friends, they told two friends, and you all had several big orgies and now the place is totally overrun. If you don't know how to control yourselves, I'm going to have to give you the boot!"

Then I killed a whole community of the little white guys. The only way to do it was to get rid of all my plants. As if murdering families of flies didn't hurt enough, I also had to kill my spinach plant (which was producing like a mofo), basil plant (which was being all tasty), cherry tomato plant (it already had a little tomato on it) and sunflowers (which were just about to bloom)!

I got in from the carnage on the balcony and Feist was playing; a song from the Let It Die album. I paused to remember and a tear came to my eye. And I can't even drown my sorrows in a Mojito.

Babassu Me

I bought this lemon bath and shower gel because it has no parabens or other harsh preservatives and is made with 100% vegetarian ingredients and no animal testing. Sounds good eh?

Then I read the ingredients.

The longest word EVER is listed on there: babassuamadopropalkonium chloride. What the? I took organic chemistry and have no idea what babassublahblahblah is. Sounds scary though. And I'm going to apply it to my parts in the shower? Eek!

Hmm. Turns out that it's a mild conditioner made from ammonium compounds obtained from natural babassu oil. Well, I need conditioning in a bad way.

Guess I'll go babassu-me now. Hopefully I won't need to babassue them!

The Cougars vs. The Kittens

There's a new reality show starting tonight on NBC called Age of Love. It's similar to The Bachelor, but there are two groups of girls vying for the bachelor's affections, one is in their 20s and the other is in their 40s. The bachelor is 31.

Let me guess what this show is going to be like -- STUPID.

So of course I'm going to watch it. Now, I'm normally not the type of person to watch any old reality show. However, I'm curious. This could be prime ghoulish TV viewing. It could be.

One thing I can predict before even seeing the show, there will be much less jumping and screaming from the 40-somethings. Thank God.

Update: I'll know more after watching the second episode. I wonder several things, like which group has more sets of fake breasts and how many times the 20s will put down the 40s wrinkles, etc. All I can say to that is you 20-something girls probably won't look half that good when you're older! The older ladies have all been 20, the younger girls have never been 40, but it's yet to come girls, it's yet to come! The bachelor was shocked that everyone was 9 or more years older than him at first. I was a bit miffed at his reaction when he thought there were only older ladies, even though he wasn't rude about it. Then he made the best of a 'less than ideal' situation (in his mind) and forgot about age. I had to put myself in his place, ahem, then I could relate. I would be willing to meet much older men, but then I'd probably find myself drawn back to the young ones like a fat kid to the dessert table. Ah well. It should be interesting, though I doubt it will answer the question "does age really matter?" It's just entertainment folks.

Lovable Weird Awesome

My niece gave this to my brother for Father's Day. It makes the poem that she threw 'weird' in there.

Martini Madness & other Stagette Shenanigans

Ah, we are in the heat of Stagette season. On that note, let me chat about my friend Chris's stagette approx. 2yrs ago now. It had to have been one of the funnest I've EVER been to.

It began with a "Martini Party"... We all brought ingredients to make our own martinis and then between all of us, we had the ingredients to make almost anything, and a LOT of booze. It was ammunition for a loaded evening!!! One part of the party was making up a martini that suited us, naming it, and then we each had to match the martini with the person who invented it. Chris's martini was "Banana Hammock", hahaha. Not sure what that infers about her... Mine was "Old Peasant." Pretty easy to pinpoint. I also made a quiz for people to do, with prizes for the winner. It's worth a looky (I put it below). After the party we dressed her up in a pink lace wedding dress we'd bought at Value Village, did a really bad job on her makeup and dragged her out to the bar. There, she had a checklist to do. Holy shit, I just followed her around laughing ALL night. Here are some of the things on her list:

Dance with two hot blondes. (She danced alright, and fell....)
Get a guy's underwear. (This was the first one she got checked off!)
Get a cute boy's phone number. (A girl offered up her husband.)
Get spanked, all the while saying, "You wanna piece of this!?" (She did this one twice, haha!)
Teach a group of people how to do 'the running man' in a pink wedding dress. (If you can imagine her doing the running man in that thing, Oh GOD, hilarious.)
Apply for the show 'Greatest Action Hero' in front of a crowd. (We won't say what she did on top of the bar for this one.)
See a cute bare butt. (Another girl offered up her boyfriend's butt for this, and we had to agree, it was very cute.)
Get shooters bought for me. (This was also checked off by a girl.)
Get ___ number of kisses on the cheek. (Uncountable.)
Do a body shot. (No problem for this one.)

That dress was BLACK by the end of the night. I laughed so hard.... So Chris, is there really going to be a re-enactment of that night during Stampede? If so, I'd better get down to Value Village next week and check out their wedding gown selection;) C'mon, we had to get the manager and barter with him to get the price down on that one from $60 to $30 (basically we pointed out that NO ONE was going to buy a pink lace wedding dress for that much.)

Hmm, I think if we start with Martini Madness again, anything can happen... (Sorry about posting this photo girky, hehe, that's what you get for putting it up on Facebook!)

Here's the martini quiz...

1. What is a Purple Hooter?
a) If Barney had boobs…
b) A small colourful owl that lives in the Rainforest.
c) Any martini made from blueish ingredients, and usually vodka or gin.
d) A martini made from vodka, raspberry liqueur, vermouth, lemon juice and sweet & sour mix.

2. How many calories do liqueurs have per ounce?
a) 100-150
b) 68-120
c) 50- 75
d) Just enough to fuel the dancing machine!

3. What is a “dirty” martini?
a) Olive brine is added to the martini.
b) The bartender does something nasty to your drink when you’re not looking.
c) Christina Aguilera invented it.
d) The martini includes a small amount of vermouth.

4. What is a “Shaker”?
a) A wild house party.
b) A stainless steel container filled with booze and ice and used to ‘shake’ the ingredients in order to cool and mix them.
c) A special type of martini that is made in a blender.
d) The term used to describe a man’s post-urination routine.

5. To “muddle” a martini, you must:
a) Take a 6-8 inch wand-like instrument and mix or crush ingredients in a container.
b) Take a 4-5 inch stirstick and stir clockwise (only twice) to blend ingredients in a martini glass.
c) Take a 8-10 inch glass wand and cast a spell on the martini you’re about to drink, to ward of ensuing hangover.
d) Make a martini and then add copious amounts of cream.

6. To make a “sour mix” for martinis and cocktails, you must:
a) Take lemon juice, add vinegar and spices, let sit overnight.
b) Add sugar to a whisked egg white, add water and lemon juice, stir and store. Yummy!
c) Just drink the martini or cocktail with a bunch of girls who all think everyone else is skinnier and prettier than them.
d) All of the above.

7. “Scoring” a martini means:
a) You batted your eyes and smiled at the bartender and he gives you one for free!
b) A specific way to sample a prepared martini so as to appreciate the full flavour, such as in a martini making contest.
c) Adding a lemon twist or lime slice or other fruit to garnish a martini.
d) Attacking a martini, American-Pie style!

Let's see how ya do... maybe I'll reveal the answers later!

I need a narcoleptic antidote

Lately my data is boring me so thoroughly that it's been painful for me to be conscious. [Insert Deneen's smartass retort here: It's also painful for the rest of us when you're conscious... hehehe heh heh heeeh, ahem] I think in order to finish up this tedious shit, I'm going to need to cook up some sort of an espresso/ritalin cocktail that can be continously pumped into my stomach during most of my waking hours.

I'm normally an energetic person, so this has been rather disconcerting. In Whistler I was crazy hyper. Today, I look at my spreadsheet and the ol' noggin does a smackdown on the desk. UGH.

Goodnight all, I'm forcing myself to bed before the sun goes down. I am. You just watch. Or don't. Whateva.

Whistler: The extremely abridged version with no pictures

So I guess my one cat poops on my bedroom floor when she's upset that I've been away awhile. That was lovely. Poo is a gross thing to behold, in your hand, even separated from your skin by a plastic bag... But CAT poo is a whole other level of gross. Yeesh.

Whistler was great, except for the weather. Cold. Rainy. Yet we still ventured out.

Our flight out of Edmonton was delayed by almost 2 hours on Saturday am, which wasn't so special since we'd all gotten up that morning at 4. Missing 2 hours of sleep AND 2 hours of vacation in one fell swoop sucks just a wee bit. And all Air Canada did was apologize. No free trips to Mexico or upgrades to first class for us. Nope. Not even extra snacks in an attempt to appease our tired attempt at bitterness.

I have no idea why I take on the role of the entertainer at some of these functions. Why do I have to let people into my weird little world so quickly? I did a good chunk of my repetoire of sound effects/impressions for about 10 people, some of whom barely know me. There was my Chubby Checker, Kermit, Axl Rose, the technologist in our lab, a bird, a coyote and a rooster. Luckily the rooster had to be done by everyone when we were playing a drinking game and I got the "rule card". Each person had to crow before they took a card, every time. Hehehe. Seeing our supervisor crow like a rooster was classic.

And boy did we ever pig out on yummy food. Mmm.

Good times.

Unfortunately my camera's memory card has something wrong with it. I took a shitload of videos and photos over the first half of the weekend and have nothing to show for it. Alas, there's nuthin to see here folks... :(

And now it's back to work. Ugh.

Gone to the rainy place

We're going to Whistler this weekend for a research retreat. The last time I was in the Vancouver airport, this is what we looked like... C'mon, it was Halloween! We still got some pretty good looks from people.

Unfortunately it will be rainy there all weekend... Oh well, we'll make the best of it! You can't go wrong in Whistler!

Death by Pothole

A lot of people are complaining about Edmonton's pothole problem. There are some serious CRATERS out there. You think it's hard on your car, try traversing them on a bike sometime.

If one day I just disappear, check the potholes.

Bring a rope. Or a stretcher.

Thanks.

Funny Feet

I have odd-looking feet. The first 3 toes are about the same length and the rest go down from there. Because toes #2 and #3 are the same length as my "big" toe, you can imagine that they're pretty looooong. My brother commented once that I'd be ok if I ever lost a finger.

Besides the fact that pointy shoes and sandals with sharp toe angles don't fit me at all, I'm ok with my feet. However, as strange as they are, they're still MY feet. I see them every day. I'm used to them. To me, everyone else has funny-looking feet.

Case in point, today I was smirking at Jen's feet. The big toe looks REALLY big and rather bulbous, while the other toes look quite stunted (remember, I'm used to my own finger-toes). So she caught me smirking and then continued to hound me about what the hell was so funny. The freak out session that ensued over her desperate need to know drove my smirk into a full-out giggling fit. I said, "I can't tell you 'what it is because it's something you can't change." That was it. I couldn't keep my composure long enough to tell her what spurred the smirk even if I'd tried! It was one of those little things that kind of got way bigger. When I finally told her, she demanded to know how they were weird, and I went into the whole toe diatribe...

I think you had to be there. I still think she has funny feet. And I've been smirking the whole time I wrote this...

The truth is, I don't think anyone has "normal" looking feet. There's no definition for it. Feet are just odd. Very odd indeed.

Neked Neighbour... and other hot weather nekedness

Well, neked neighbour was at it again. He was out on his balcony, a feast for the eyes of us innocent young ladies who happened to notice from my balcony across the street. This time I caught him with my new and improved camera zoom lens. I bet you love me for that!!!



One word mister: "Sunscreen". It looks like he pulled a little George Hamilton without the base tan. At least it's a farmer type of burn, which would indicate that he was wearing clothes, unlike in this photo. Once again the discussion ensued: Was he really naked? And once again we came up with no real answer. He stayed behind his BBQ the whole time. And we were grateful.

It seems like the hot weather brings the people out of their homes... and clothes. Sometimes it's a little hard on the eyes, but sometimes I can't complain. And, I figure since I haven't posted any male gratuitous nudity on the blog lately, I should really share what I ogled last Saturday on 17th Ave in Calgary. God I love the zoom on my camera!



I really shouldn't burst the fantasy bubble, but he kind of did for me when he walked into the Starbuck's after taking his photo. He was all of about 5'4". Not that there's anything wrong with that. But he's definitely mini, if you're not...

And I'm not.

It didn't really matter. Still good ogling material. Nice tat too... I mean nice tat, too. Haha.