Scabs are icky

Yesterday my cat had a big scab on her head.

Today it is gone.

Where did it go?

Ewwwwww.

Rude!

So last year I was sitting there on the couch, with my laptop and the guy I was dating at the time, and I open this email from my dad. I can't remember exactly what it said because I deleted it very quickly, but it had some sort of smartass comment. And then I opened the picture and this is what I see... WITHOUT the smiley face. Yes it's a naked man, bent over, with all his parts in full view. It was quite shocking.

I turned to the guy I was with all red-faced and said, "Uh, I'm not sure why my dad would send me THAT." And then I deleted it swiftly and tried to choke down my embarrassment.

I found out later from my sister that my parents thought I HAD PUT THE PHOTO on their computer! WTF? She explained that since I got a new camera for Christmas and I'd been to a party or two over the holidays and I'd been on their computer... they thought this THING had come off MY camera!!!

I repeat, WTF?!? What kind of parties do they think I go to!!??!! My jaw almost fractured as it plummetted to the floor. Wow, they must think I have quite the life... wild nudie parties with naked men posing for photos. That's their daughter alright, wild and crazy and completely perverted!!!

As it turns out, I'd downloaded Picasa onto Dad's computer over the holidays so that he could post photos on his blog. Picasa searches the computer for all picture files and displays them nicely for you to see. This photo caught his attention. So, as it turns out, this was on his computer THE WHOLE TIME.

Uh Dad? The real question is, why did YOU have this photo on YOUR computer? HMMMMM???? Sure, it was the housesitter. Of course it was. You'd never seen it before in your life... Riiiiiight.

A Million Ways to be "Cool"

Jen and I showed up at the Silversun Pickups, Ok Go, Snow Patrol concert on Tuesday night. I can't express how much I thoroughly enjoyed it! Of course, poor Jensies couldn't see much at times. I threatened to pound on some people who were pushing into her. For some reason she said not to. Anyways, I guess it was the last stop on their North American tour, so did they EVER make a show of it. It was so much fun! I liked Ok Go before, but now I'm in loooove. They're cool in a million trillion kajillion ways. So I put together a little video. It's kind of long and the quality sucks, but you will at least get a wee taste of the fun!

ps. There's no Silversun Pickups on there because I always worry at first that I'm going to get in trouble for taking photos. That wears off after a bit...

Evidence of the move-in

I got back from being away for the weekend, Deneen was nowhere to be found. However, there was evidence that she had, in fact, moved in. Her side of the fridge had... BEER. Haha, that's the Deneen I know and love!

Yay, no more drinking alone! Besides, I heard that you're never supposed to drink alone, unless you're by yourself.


Of course, it appears that I'll have to make her dinner in order to get a beer.

Mornings

My mom has had this sign up in her bathroom for as long as I can remember. It's exactly the way I feel some days.

Roomie Auditions!

I’ve been without a roommate for a while, so I figure if I’m going to get a new one, they’d better be pretty darn special. A pain in the ass isn’t really worth the trouble. So I’ve developed a screening method that will hone down the search to exactly what I'm looking for...

A little Quiz if you will.

It starts with a written portion, first Multiple Choice then Short Answer, followed by a Trial Period with hidden cameras. Here’s an example of what I’ve come up with so far…

MULTIPLE CHOICE
1. How do you handle spills in the kitchen? Do you:
A) Notice.
B) Let falling food lie.
C) Think, “I’ll clean it up later” and then forget, while it collects sock lint, dust bunnies and cat hair until visitors start asking why we decided to put shag carpet in the kitchen.
D) Wipe it up with the clean kitchen cloth and return it to the sink.
E) Clean it right away with an old cloth or paper towel.

2. How do you look with your shirt off?
A) Exactly like Brad Pitt.
B) I’m no Brad Pitt but I’m pretty fit and not shy about showing it.
C) Napoleon Dynamite and me could be twins, and I’m not shy about showing it.
D) Exactly like Homer Simpson but hairier.
E) I never take my shirt off around people, it stinks too much.

3. As soon as you hear Mich arriving home, you immediately:
A) Change the TV from sports to Oprah or The Hour, pour her a glass of wine and prepare for her foot rub.
B) Shut the porn off and race for the bedroom with your clothes.
C) Loudly belch out an impression of Ed McMahon saying, “And heeeere’s Michie!”
D) Ask how her day was and offer to share your beer and pizza.
E) Continue to snore and drule on the couch while the TV blares and your dinner burns on the stove.

4. What do you do when it’s really hot in the apartment?
A) Strip down to your aussiBums and make margueritas.
B) Open the patio door so that the cats run out and the beetles run in.
C) Buy an air conditioner and crank it until the apartment reaches near freezing temperatures.
D) Whine incessantly.
E) Drink beer, curse and sweat all over the furniture.

5. What is the best movie of all time?
A) Anything with Sylvester Stallone or Steven Seagal.
B) Tie between Ace Ventura Pet Detective and Wedding Crashers.
C) Dukes of Hazzard.
D) Deep Throat.
E) Natural Born Killers.

6. Most guys are frequent farters, please choose the answer that best describes your gas.
A) Silent but violent. They’ve been known to wake someone out of a dead sleep, from the smell not the sound.
B) Hard on the ears, easy on the nose.
C) I don’t fart.
D) It’s pretty minimal unless someone gives me cabbage soup, then it’s Shart City all the way.
E) I’m a Secret Agent farter. You may think I’m leaving the room to go pee or get something from my bedroom, but it’s actually Operation Hide-my-Gas in action. I understand that even if my farts don’t smell, no one wants to constantly hear my shorts rumble or smell the air that was just inside my butt. It’s only right.

7. Would you say that Mich’s bedroom is:
A) Completely off-limits, except when she's ready for her massage.
B) Fair game for romping in when she’s away on the weekend.
C) A smorgasbord of interesting tidbits that must be fully investigated (and sniffed).
D) A good place to play practical jokes on her like putting icky stuff in her bed, boobie trapping her door or putting smelly stuff where she’ll never find it.
E) Terrifying. I feel compelled to clean it but steer clear.
F) All of the above.

SHORT ANSWER
1. If a cat was stuck in one tree and there was a beer in the other… and both were about to fall, which one would you catch?
2. How thick does the mould have to get on your dishes before you bring them from your bedroom to the kitchen?
3. Do you know how to load and empty a dishwasher?
4. Do you know all the words to the Offspring – Self Esteem or Green Day – Basket Case? If so, please write out just the chorus. If not, explain honestly.
5. Do you bring friends home at 4AM on a school night? Are they hot?
6. Do you know where the garbage goes in the back alley and how to get it there? Can you pick up on subtle hints such as, “Woah that garbage smells” or “It’s awfully dark out there”…
7. Do you rinse your cereal bowl out immediately after eating breakfast?
8. How many hours per week do you watch sports? What kind of sports? If it’s golf, please explain.
9. Do you pick your nose while watching the TV? If so, please outline the events that follow an average nose-picking session. Does it involve furniture or flicking? If you've answered in the affirmative for any part of this question, please put the quiz down and exit the building immediately. Do not touch anything on your way out. Might as well take my pen with you.
10. Can you hold a conversation about anything other than sports or beer or naked chicks? If so, what can you tell me about important environmental concerns, the philosophical issues surrounding human ethical behaviour or the enzyme kinetics of acetyl-CoA carboxylase? Are you able to write an entire doctoral thesis on the causes of hypertriglyceridemia in diabetes patients?
11. Name 2 food groups besides MacDonald’s and KFC.

HIDDEN CAMERA TRIAL PERIOD
The person with the highest score on the quiz would graduate to moving in for a trial period. The first week there would be some strategic scenarios in place to test his behaviour in specific situations and also, of course, to confirm the honesty of his answers to the written portion. If all goes well when I review the tapes, he could officially move in!

SCENARIOS
New non stick fry pan… does he use the metal or plastic flipper?
Toilet cam… how’s his aim?
He has friends over… does he “borrow” beer to give them, use coasters, participate in or discourage them from tormenting the cats … and are his friends hot?
Music hour… Punk music comes on and gets loud. What is his reaction? Does he panic and frantically try to find the ‘off’ switch or does he dance around? How are his air guitar skills? (Bad air guitar can result in immediate dismissal from the trial period.) When Mich starts singing, does he cringe and run for cover, laugh or sing along?


Well, those are just a few ideas about the roommate auditions. Luckily I don't have to look any further, because Deneen is coming back!!! Yay. Phew! I didn't really want the perfect man around. That's asking for Trouble... and I never ask for that. What was I looking for with this quiz anyways, a roomie or a freakin husband!?!

Ahem. I'm not looking for a husband. Perhaps a House Boy is in order though. Hmm. Just because Deneen is moving in doesn't mean we can't both use a House Boy around here...



FYI: Answers for the Multiple Choice section- 1E, 2B, 3D, 4A, 5B, 6E, 7E.

Sad Kermit

I see that Rose and I aren't the only ones playing with Muppets on YouTube. Click on the photo to see this video of Sad Kermit, doing a remake of the song 'Hurt'

(originally by NIN/Johnny Cash).

In appreciation of Aussies

On our last night in Vegas, we had a girl's night out. Of course I was curious about the Thunder from Down Under, and dropped hints to this nature. Mom agreed to go. It was loud, both because of the music and all the girls screaming. It was fun though. The guys could REALLY dance, even breakdancing, which I love to watch. Their bodies weren't too hard on the eyes either. I developed a wee little crush on the one guy (that's him, second from the RIGHT... bald guy, surprise surprise). Sure he had a nice body, but it was his smile, dance moves and jokeyness that drew me in. We stayed to watch girls get their photos taken with the boys, but I refused get one taken with them. It felt... tacky. I would have if my mom had agreed to as well, but I was too shy to go on my own. Of course, now that I'm blogging about it, the tacky is out in the open and I should have the picture to show for it!

If you go to their website, you can watch a video for Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy and my favourite bald man is in it :) Incidentally, that was the last song they danced to during the show, and I admit - dripping with cheese and all - it was a bit of a guilty pleasure to watch. BTW, they do not do full monty... and as much as I'm all FOR equality of the sexes, I'm kind of glad. Unlike female strip shows for "gentlemen", gentlewomen look for something different. It stayed fun instead of being dirty. We don't really need to see that shit!

In parousing the site, I came across this picture of Jimmy Kimmel with the Thunder and it cracked me up. He's just so damn sexy!

Um, what's with his package though? I have to wonder if he isn't sporting the new "Wonderjock" underwear from aussieBum. He looks a little, uh, enhanced.













You see aussieBum has finally evened out the playing field for men, in that they can now buy the equivalent of those padded Wonderbras that women have been wearing to enhance their own assets... If you want to get more info on these undies, check out the ad (see this video, seriously check it out ladies).
















This ad is definitely edgy and caused it's own stir on top of the stir the underwear itself already caused...




They say:

"Is it wrong to have American guys by the balls (mind you we're working through all the other countries as well). Are we still living in a day and age where freedom of expression is squashed? If anything we're simply putting it out there for the world to see and decide for themself. In the coming weeks we'll be displaying alot of the media coverage. Not only is it absolutely entertaining it does prove that a guys size does matter. Here's another bit of trivia. Guess who the biggest buyer of the 'Wonderjock' was over the festive season? It was women. Perhaps they know something their man does not. It's our reality... so enjoy it."


I really don't have any complaints about the ads. None whatsoever.

Truth or Fiction?

I know that hoards and hoards of you are expecting me to try to sucker you into some sort of joke for April Food's Day (like last year- check this post, and this one).

Nope. Not this year. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time today, hehehe. You know who you suckers are!!! Ah, all in good fun.

The trick to getting someone to believe what you say on this fine day is to pick something that's believable, yet somewhat strange or exciting. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, so it can be hard to tell the difference (especially when it comes to my life). I can't really blame people for believing my ruses.

Speaking of truth vs fiction, I stumbled on this awesome website the other day. It's the Museum of Hoaxes. Part of it is the Hoax Photo Test. You know those stupidass emails that idiots get suckered in to forwarding to everyone? Well, I often bust those with www.snopes.com. However, I took the Hoax Photo Test, and I was wrong almost half the time as to what was a hoax and what was real! Some examples of what is in the test:



This is a photo of a fitness centre in San Diego where the patrons take the escalator rather than the stairs! TRUE.

And this close-call photo is actually a HOAX. The shark was added in after.

It's pretty interesting. And while you're there, check out the Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time. Guess there are a lot of suckers out there!

Love it.

It's official

That's it, I'm officially quitting my PhD to become an underwear ad photographer. I am. This ain't no joke.