An army friend of mine was telling me about a guy at the bar the other night who was this close --> <-- to getting beat to a bloody pulp. I guess the guy was bragging about being in the army and how he was in Afghanistan for two years. My friend and his army buddies (who had actually been there and lost comrades) saw right through it. They started asking questions. Basically, the guy's life depended on how he answered these questions. Finally, when he confessed to being totally full of shit, his life was spared.
He also told me that a lot of people fake being in the army when out on Remembrance Day. Keep in mind, this is amongst hoardes of guys in uniform. Are these fakers completely mental? That's like some dope off the street trying to scrub in for surgery. Guaranteed, he's not going to be able to pull that off for long.
I told my friend that I noticed another time of year a when lots of people pretend to be soldiers... Halloween. What a bunch of nutbars with their fake cammy outfits and fake guns. Hey, we can see right through you, mothafockas.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Disturbed by Disturbia?
I don't watch horror movies. This is because I hate having nightmares. And the two usually go together.
Tonight my folks were watching the movie Disturbia. At the start, there was a 14A rating with a warning. Parents were strongly cautioned about their children watching it. I looked over, my parents did nothing. It said something about scenes of extreme violence. Still, they did nothing. So I watched it. It wasn't that scary... Maybe a little tense at times.
Now the parents have gone to bed. I'm alone. And I'm not scared. It's just a heightened sense of awareness. That's all it is really. I notice every sound or slight change in the lighting. Actually, simply realizing that I'm sitting here alone in the middle of the night, in the dark and anything could be out there peering from the darkness into the windows watching me... sends a sense of panic through me.
N-n-nnnopp-pp-pe. N-n-n-ooooott s-s-scaarred.
ps. If I don't post a blog within 48 hours... then I dunno. I loved you all. Good-Bye.
Tonight my folks were watching the movie Disturbia. At the start, there was a 14A rating with a warning. Parents were strongly cautioned about their children watching it. I looked over, my parents did nothing. It said something about scenes of extreme violence. Still, they did nothing. So I watched it. It wasn't that scary... Maybe a little tense at times.
Now the parents have gone to bed. I'm alone. And I'm not scared. It's just a heightened sense of awareness. That's all it is really. I notice every sound or slight change in the lighting. Actually, simply realizing that I'm sitting here alone in the middle of the night, in the dark and anything could be out there peering from the darkness into the windows watching me... sends a sense of panic through me.
N-n-nnnopp-pp-pe. N-n-n-ooooott s-s-scaarred.
ps. If I don't post a blog within 48 hours... then I dunno. I loved you all. Good-Bye.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Bedtime
My sister gave me some fleece sheets for my birthday. Yep, they're FLEECE.
Yet I still avoid going to bed for some reason. But at least when I do, it's like crawling into a GIANT COTTON BALL. Aahhh YES.
In fact, it's not cotton at all. It's polyethylene terephthalate. (Say that once really fast.) Doesn't it sound scrumptiously comfy! Hmm, not particularly.
According to Wikipedia, polar fleece is "soft, very comfortable to wear... extremely warm even with a relatively thin layer of material." Alternatively, it also says that "users have a tendency to sweat in fleece, as it is an artificial fibre... It tends to generate very high static electricity charges."
Hmm. I'm wondering when this will occur. Hasn't yet.
So how am I not sweating when the fabric is considered "extremely warm"? And what happens when you're sitting in a pool of perspiration and move and a bolt of static shoots from the sheets? Does sweat conduct electricity cuz I'm starting to get a bit worried here.
I'm also thinking I'd better not move in those sheets and fart at the same time. Unless of course they've been treated with some fire retardant material. In which case I'm going to be dead soon anyways as that stuff is mega-toxic!
Oh geez, now I have a good reason to avoid going to bed!
Well, shite. I MUST get some sleep. Alright, I'm off to the "cotton" ball now. Gotta try real hard not to sweat, move, fart or breathe... or at least, not all at once. Could happen.
Yet I still avoid going to bed for some reason. But at least when I do, it's like crawling into a GIANT COTTON BALL. Aahhh YES.
In fact, it's not cotton at all. It's polyethylene terephthalate. (Say that once really fast.) Doesn't it sound scrumptiously comfy! Hmm, not particularly.
According to Wikipedia, polar fleece is "soft, very comfortable to wear... extremely warm even with a relatively thin layer of material." Alternatively, it also says that "users have a tendency to sweat in fleece, as it is an artificial fibre... It tends to generate very high static electricity charges."
Hmm. I'm wondering when this will occur. Hasn't yet.
So how am I not sweating when the fabric is considered "extremely warm"? And what happens when you're sitting in a pool of perspiration and move and a bolt of static shoots from the sheets? Does sweat conduct electricity cuz I'm starting to get a bit worried here.
I'm also thinking I'd better not move in those sheets and fart at the same time. Unless of course they've been treated with some fire retardant material. In which case I'm going to be dead soon anyways as that stuff is mega-toxic!
Oh geez, now I have a good reason to avoid going to bed!
Well, shite. I MUST get some sleep. Alright, I'm off to the "cotton" ball now. Gotta try real hard not to sweat, move, fart or breathe... or at least, not all at once. Could happen.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Link: "Tom Cruise is allegedly planning to build a $10 million bunker underneath in preparation for the end of the world."
People who have gone mental always seem to do this.
That's why it would be tough if I actually did get a message from God telling me to build a bunker in order to eventually hide from invading aliens. At that point I certainly couldn't blame anyone for committing me. Hmm, maybe aliens avoid people in mental hospitals. I could only hope at that point.
I hope the folks in outer space don't read celebrity gossip on the internet. Does wireless go out that far? Anyways, if so, the article totally busts Tom on the whereabouts of his hideout! And I think if aliens have mastered space travel, they should be able to penetrate a man-made fortress as well.
Oh well. All the power to ya Tom.
That's why it would be tough if I actually did get a message from God telling me to build a bunker in order to eventually hide from invading aliens. At that point I certainly couldn't blame anyone for committing me. Hmm, maybe aliens avoid people in mental hospitals. I could only hope at that point.
I hope the folks in outer space don't read celebrity gossip on the internet. Does wireless go out that far? Anyways, if so, the article totally busts Tom on the whereabouts of his hideout! And I think if aliens have mastered space travel, they should be able to penetrate a man-made fortress as well.
Oh well. All the power to ya Tom.
Monday, October 01, 2007
When NOT to laugh
We all know that laughter is the best medicine, but there are times when it may actually be bad for your health. This post was inspired by a recent conversation about this very topic. We were chatting about bad times to get the giggles... My friend said- at funerals and the movie The Passion of the Christ.
True dat.
To add to that list, you should never laugh, get the giggles (or even smirk sometimes) under the following circumstances:
When drinking any type of fluid (particularly at a formal dinner).
When robbing a bank (or making serious threats of any kind).
During an academic seminar when a French person pronounces the word "focus" - "fuckus".
While being reprimanded/interrogated by an authority figure (whether it be your parents as a kid, the police or especially while being questioned by border guards).
During a break up... or if you're firing someone (laughing during any type of rejection just adds insult to injury).
When you have to go pee really badly (or worse, if you have severe diarhea).
When you're hiding in a closet (i.e. during an intense game of hide and seek, ninja attack, alien invasion, while your rommate has sex, etc.)
If ever on trial for murder (particularly if you're on the stand being cross examined. However, it may be ok if it's a well-placed OMG-that's-completely-&-utterly-preposterous type of chortle).
After someone else rips a loud fart in public. (Try 'splaining yourself outta that one.)
When a very old or handicapped person falls. ('Nuff said.) And yeah, even if they aren't hurt.
At mentally retarded people, under any circumstance (even if they are trying to be funny.)
Alternatively, at people pretending to be retarded. (That's just not cool).
During sex. (Worse, is the first time you see him naked...) Don't do it, it could scar your sex life for years to come, if not for a lifetime (for him). (Comment by Jen- But if there's a weird noise or something, it's worse to get silent and awkward about it... and sex IS kinda funny!) True dat Jensies, true dat.
That's it. I'm tapped out. Anyone have any other suggestions?
True dat.
To add to that list, you should never laugh, get the giggles (or even smirk sometimes) under the following circumstances:
When drinking any type of fluid (particularly at a formal dinner).
When robbing a bank (or making serious threats of any kind).
During an academic seminar when a French person pronounces the word "focus" - "fuckus".
While being reprimanded/interrogated by an authority figure (whether it be your parents as a kid, the police or especially while being questioned by border guards).
During a break up... or if you're firing someone (laughing during any type of rejection just adds insult to injury).
When you have to go pee really badly (or worse, if you have severe diarhea).
When you're hiding in a closet (i.e. during an intense game of hide and seek, ninja attack, alien invasion, while your rommate has sex, etc.)
If ever on trial for murder (particularly if you're on the stand being cross examined. However, it may be ok if it's a well-placed OMG-that's-completely-&-utterly-preposterous type of chortle).
After someone else rips a loud fart in public. (Try 'splaining yourself outta that one.)
When a very old or handicapped person falls. ('Nuff said.) And yeah, even if they aren't hurt.
At mentally retarded people, under any circumstance (even if they are trying to be funny.)
Alternatively, at people pretending to be retarded. (That's just not cool).
During sex. (Worse, is the first time you see him naked...) Don't do it, it could scar your sex life for years to come, if not for a lifetime (for him). (Comment by Jen- But if there's a weird noise or something, it's worse to get silent and awkward about it... and sex IS kinda funny!) True dat Jensies, true dat.
That's it. I'm tapped out. Anyone have any other suggestions?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Songwriter? Check.
I wrote a song this morning. It's called "My Little Monkey." I sang it to my cats.
After all, it was written for them.
I dunno, but early reaction would indicate that it's a hit.
After all, it was written for them.
I dunno, but early reaction would indicate that it's a hit.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Wiseasses crack me up
Recently I re-read an old wisecrack section in my blog. It's from the 20 Questions post. Anyways, it re-cracked me up so I'm posting it today. Enjoy the bizarreness.
Anonymous said...
I've read a few posts and have a few questions about you.you are 36 and a student? have you changed careers, spent time traveling, prison? just curiouswhat do you want to be when you grow up?36 and single, marriage, children, how do you feel about these - have you thought of freezing eggs for future use?why the strange fascination with bathroom issues? were you raised in a family of boys?
12:26 PM
Procrastinatrix said...
Mich and I met in prison, where we were detained for 10 years and she was my "bitch". She was taught all about bathroom issues there where she also volunteered to have her eggs frozen for future use. During her prison time, where she was serving a sentence for "being too cute", she also received an undergraduate degree in nutrition, since the food sucked at the prison. Following her release (since after 10 years, she ain't so cute no more) her present supervisor thought she knew so much stuff about bathroom issues that she would be PERFECT for a PhD candidate in nutrition. You eat it, eventually you have to poop it. Mich was destined to be living on a hudderite commune in southern Alberta, but she decided that the pregnant and barefoot life was not for her. Plus, those hudderite outfits get caught up in your mouth when you are drinking Gin and sevens at the bar. I think we should be proud of Mich, for overcoming of life of Hudderitism, and prison! She has truly grown into the person I know and love today. (and soon she will be Mich, PhD)
12:55 PM
michie said...
First of all, how the F did it get out that I DID TIME??? Geez, there’s no privacy anymore! Secondly, I’m all for marriage if you can find me a fricken SAINT (he has to be DAMN HOT too, and usually the 2 are mutually exclusive. Oh yeah, and he also has to like me back). Anyways, why would I want to buy the pig when I can get the pork for free!?!?! Thirdly, KIDS? Those little rugrats would tear apart the world as I know it. It’s almost impossible to have kids and be intensely self-absorbed at the same time (although I’m sure it’s been done). I’d also have to make a choice, gin… kids… gin… kids… that’s a tough one because obviously I like both. Plus, I’d have to be, yikes, RESPONSIBLE. Now, that answers the question about growing up; I just never intend to. And this explains my continuous seepage of vulgar bathroom humour, because as long as I never grow up I can be a total juvenile ass. Case in point.Well folks, this has been another edition of “Mich sucks and here’s why”… stay tuned for the 3 part series, where investigative reporters delve deeeep into these questions and more:
She’s kinda purdy so why is she alone?
How can a person who has so much going for them be such an incredible fuck-up?
Why does Mich insist on pole vaulting over the classy line EVERY TIME?
Is there a secret ingredient in Gin that actually makes her life worth living?
Why do so many Hutterite children strongly resemble Mich?
And finally, if the Hutterite story proves to be bunk, the logical question is: Why is Mich not selling her eggs on E-bay so that at least others can bear her children?
2:10 PM
Bealer said...
Lemme guess, anonymous...you are a 42 year old virgin living in your mother's basement and wishing you had someone to play Dungeons and Dragons with since you killed your cute little bunny rabbit. I wonder what your fascination is with a 36 yr old ex-con, almost PhD hotty? No, she does not moonlight as a dominatrix and she did not go by "Dungeon Lord" in prison. My curiosity is, what do you want to be when you grow up? Lenny, Kenny or Spenny?
2:21 PM
bealer said...
Mich - I found the smelly poo blob!oh no, wait. Nevermind.
2:24 PM
[haha yeah... this is in reference to a poo/grass/gum/mud blob she had on her shoe. When she tried to flick it off, it went flying and landed somewhere in the kitchen at work, but she couldn't find it.]
Procrastinatrix said...
okay, i have one question for anonymous. Why are you wondering if Mich is interested in freezing her eggs? Is it because you are 15 and are hoping in ten years she would be willing to bear your children? You must know she likes the young'uns.
6:06 PM
michie said...
Well anonymous, thanks for the perfect fodder for a long conversation which didn't say much of anything. It was fun though. I fear that we've now succeeded in scaring away any possible future commenters on my blog. Oopsie daisy. I think my friends assumed that 'anonymous' was male, and hence, potentially creepy. I can see it just being a curious female who isn't quite sure why a chick such as myself would still be in school, not making babies, the whole while telling a multitude of fart jokes. I recognize my unconventional nature and celebrate it here. That's all.
2:41 PM
Anonymous said...
Wow, I was right about prison, it was a toss up between that, lapsed nun, coma girl or weird circus story. Can't believe I got it right.Not male, not 42 or 15. 30ish mother, and there are days I wished I would have chosen the gin instead.As for the frozen eggs, I have a friend my age whose wealthy aunt has offered to do this for her (her own eggs, not her aunts), and I have heard of other like stories as well, guess it's hedging your bets.No harm intended, just figured you were witty and had to have some stories about how you got to where you are now.Congrats on the almost phd.
2:52 PM
michie said...
Cool enough anonymous... Uh, I left out the Circus stories, because they were just too weird for this blog and I worry what people will think of me. Either way, I don't regret the, ahem, monkey episode. That one will die with me. Unless of course, I get into the Gin one night and do the fatal mistake of drinking and blogging.
10:15 AM
Procrastinatrix said...
I am glad to know its not creepy stalker. Strange questions overall, but me calling something strange is fairly relative. ;)
1:21 PM
Anonymous said...
I've read a few posts and have a few questions about you.you are 36 and a student? have you changed careers, spent time traveling, prison? just curiouswhat do you want to be when you grow up?36 and single, marriage, children, how do you feel about these - have you thought of freezing eggs for future use?why the strange fascination with bathroom issues? were you raised in a family of boys?
12:26 PM
Procrastinatrix said...
Mich and I met in prison, where we were detained for 10 years and she was my "bitch". She was taught all about bathroom issues there where she also volunteered to have her eggs frozen for future use. During her prison time, where she was serving a sentence for "being too cute", she also received an undergraduate degree in nutrition, since the food sucked at the prison. Following her release (since after 10 years, she ain't so cute no more) her present supervisor thought she knew so much stuff about bathroom issues that she would be PERFECT for a PhD candidate in nutrition. You eat it, eventually you have to poop it. Mich was destined to be living on a hudderite commune in southern Alberta, but she decided that the pregnant and barefoot life was not for her. Plus, those hudderite outfits get caught up in your mouth when you are drinking Gin and sevens at the bar. I think we should be proud of Mich, for overcoming of life of Hudderitism, and prison! She has truly grown into the person I know and love today. (and soon she will be Mich, PhD)
12:55 PM
michie said...
First of all, how the F did it get out that I DID TIME??? Geez, there’s no privacy anymore! Secondly, I’m all for marriage if you can find me a fricken SAINT (he has to be DAMN HOT too, and usually the 2 are mutually exclusive. Oh yeah, and he also has to like me back). Anyways, why would I want to buy the pig when I can get the pork for free!?!?! Thirdly, KIDS? Those little rugrats would tear apart the world as I know it. It’s almost impossible to have kids and be intensely self-absorbed at the same time (although I’m sure it’s been done). I’d also have to make a choice, gin… kids… gin… kids… that’s a tough one because obviously I like both. Plus, I’d have to be, yikes, RESPONSIBLE. Now, that answers the question about growing up; I just never intend to. And this explains my continuous seepage of vulgar bathroom humour, because as long as I never grow up I can be a total juvenile ass. Case in point.Well folks, this has been another edition of “Mich sucks and here’s why”… stay tuned for the 3 part series, where investigative reporters delve deeeep into these questions and more:
She’s kinda purdy so why is she alone?
How can a person who has so much going for them be such an incredible fuck-up?
Why does Mich insist on pole vaulting over the classy line EVERY TIME?
Is there a secret ingredient in Gin that actually makes her life worth living?
Why do so many Hutterite children strongly resemble Mich?
And finally, if the Hutterite story proves to be bunk, the logical question is: Why is Mich not selling her eggs on E-bay so that at least others can bear her children?
2:10 PM
Bealer said...
Lemme guess, anonymous...you are a 42 year old virgin living in your mother's basement and wishing you had someone to play Dungeons and Dragons with since you killed your cute little bunny rabbit. I wonder what your fascination is with a 36 yr old ex-con, almost PhD hotty? No, she does not moonlight as a dominatrix and she did not go by "Dungeon Lord" in prison. My curiosity is, what do you want to be when you grow up? Lenny, Kenny or Spenny?
2:21 PM
bealer said...
Mich - I found the smelly poo blob!oh no, wait. Nevermind.
2:24 PM
[haha yeah... this is in reference to a poo/grass/gum/mud blob she had on her shoe. When she tried to flick it off, it went flying and landed somewhere in the kitchen at work, but she couldn't find it.]
Procrastinatrix said...
okay, i have one question for anonymous. Why are you wondering if Mich is interested in freezing her eggs? Is it because you are 15 and are hoping in ten years she would be willing to bear your children? You must know she likes the young'uns.
6:06 PM
michie said...
Well anonymous, thanks for the perfect fodder for a long conversation which didn't say much of anything. It was fun though. I fear that we've now succeeded in scaring away any possible future commenters on my blog. Oopsie daisy. I think my friends assumed that 'anonymous' was male, and hence, potentially creepy. I can see it just being a curious female who isn't quite sure why a chick such as myself would still be in school, not making babies, the whole while telling a multitude of fart jokes. I recognize my unconventional nature and celebrate it here. That's all.
2:41 PM
Anonymous said...
Wow, I was right about prison, it was a toss up between that, lapsed nun, coma girl or weird circus story. Can't believe I got it right.Not male, not 42 or 15. 30ish mother, and there are days I wished I would have chosen the gin instead.As for the frozen eggs, I have a friend my age whose wealthy aunt has offered to do this for her (her own eggs, not her aunts), and I have heard of other like stories as well, guess it's hedging your bets.No harm intended, just figured you were witty and had to have some stories about how you got to where you are now.Congrats on the almost phd.
2:52 PM
michie said...
Cool enough anonymous... Uh, I left out the Circus stories, because they were just too weird for this blog and I worry what people will think of me. Either way, I don't regret the, ahem, monkey episode. That one will die with me. Unless of course, I get into the Gin one night and do the fatal mistake of drinking and blogging.
10:15 AM
Procrastinatrix said...
I am glad to know its not creepy stalker. Strange questions overall, but me calling something strange is fairly relative. ;)
1:21 PM
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Why? We just want to know WHY...
Jerry Seinfeld once said, "I think when you first start dating, they ought to give you 3 ‘Get out of Relationship Free’ cards so you can just go up to the person and say, 'Uh, here you go. I’m sorry. I’ll grab my tennis racquet. Don’t get up. Best of luck…'"
A while ago, a guy I was dating decided he didn't want to date me anymore. Ouch. He must've thought he had a stash of "Get Out Of Relationship Free" cards because he gave me absolutely no explanation. When I asked WHY, his exact words were (and I can quote him because he broke it off by email... sheesh): "Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid."
It would be really handy in life to get away with that answer.
You: Doc, why do I have raging diarhea?
Doc: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: How many sex partners have you had?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Have you ever had a one night stand?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Have you ever had sex with my sister?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: How about a donkey?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Have you ever had an STD?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Do you have an STD infection right now?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Do you wanna have sex right now?
Man: YES!
Woman: Do you have a condom?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Ok, so I know guys avoid being honest so they can dodge all sense of responsibility... and possible waterworks. But if us women aren't given any reason, we make up all sorts of stuff in our heads. Maybe my breath smelled or he thought it was weird how I rambled on about poo or he saw my butt in those bad jeans which I can never ever wear again or he misunderstood what I said about hurting kittens...
Blah blah blah. Guess I'll never know.
A while ago, a guy I was dating decided he didn't want to date me anymore. Ouch. He must've thought he had a stash of "Get Out Of Relationship Free" cards because he gave me absolutely no explanation. When I asked WHY, his exact words were (and I can quote him because he broke it off by email... sheesh): "Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid."
It would be really handy in life to get away with that answer.
Boss: Why are you late for work?
You: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
You: Doc, why do I have raging diarhea?
Doc: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: How many sex partners have you had?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Have you ever had a one night stand?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Have you ever had sex with my sister?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: How about a donkey?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Have you ever had an STD?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Do you have an STD infection right now?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Woman: Do you wanna have sex right now?
Man: YES!
Woman: Do you have a condom?
Man: Sorry but that's one question I won't answer...just because of past experiences I've learned some things are better left unsaid.
Ok, so I know guys avoid being honest so they can dodge all sense of responsibility... and possible waterworks. But if us women aren't given any reason, we make up all sorts of stuff in our heads. Maybe my breath smelled or he thought it was weird how I rambled on about poo or he saw my butt in those bad jeans which I can never ever wear again or he misunderstood what I said about hurting kittens...
Blah blah blah. Guess I'll never know.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Ramblings from a messy desk... and even messier head
Optimism.
The other day I told someone that my brain was half empty. But I'm an optimist, so I like to think of of my brain as half full...
Dating.
I always forget the meaning of 'later' as in when a guys says, "call you later". In girlspeak, it means "later TODAY"... in boyspeak it could mean 'later today' (not likely), 'later this week' or even 'later, in our next life'.
Pedestrians.
Why are they so stunned? Could they walk any slower across the street while everyone WAITS? Some of them even run to get to the crosswalk and then revert to slow-mo as they cross. The music playing in my car even slows down as I wait. Sometimes I clean my car, make a few phone calls and paint my nails while they cross. People, snap out of it!
Cars.
Well, I totalled my car for the umpteenth time. Yeah, that's right: umpteenth. My little Honda gave in like it was made of tin foil. Oh yeah, I think it might be. The guy who hit it was Asian, 82 years old and didn't speak English. His car (the torpedo/tank) was unharmed during the incident. Freakin indestructible. Methinks my next car should be a 1995 Volvo.
Vitamin C.
I love vitamin C pills. Chalk full of fake orange goodness. Yum. Hmm, maybe that's why my dentist asked why there was no more enamel on my molars...
Nectarines.
Why do I always get suckered into buying them at the grocery store? Every effen year. Somehow they go straight from rock hard to rotten. Every effen time. Slow learner.
Ice Cream.
I figured out why my Dad has ice cream left in the freezer from when I visited two weeks ago. This had me puzzled. The trick? Keep the freezer so cold that it's literally impossible to scoop more than half a centimetre of ice cream out at a time. Pretty soon you give up. And then try to straighten out the spoon handle.
Quote of the Day.
"I'm trying to turn down the suck in my life, and turn up the awesome." - Jensies
Optimism, again, sorta.
And if at first you don't succeed, keep tryin' (to turn down the suck). Someone please tell me, where's the freakin' knob already???
The other day I told someone that my brain was half empty. But I'm an optimist, so I like to think of of my brain as half full...
Dating.
I always forget the meaning of 'later' as in when a guys says, "call you later". In girlspeak, it means "later TODAY"... in boyspeak it could mean 'later today' (not likely), 'later this week' or even 'later, in our next life'.
Pedestrians.
Why are they so stunned? Could they walk any slower across the street while everyone WAITS? Some of them even run to get to the crosswalk and then revert to slow-mo as they cross. The music playing in my car even slows down as I wait. Sometimes I clean my car, make a few phone calls and paint my nails while they cross. People, snap out of it!
Cars.
Well, I totalled my car for the umpteenth time. Yeah, that's right: umpteenth. My little Honda gave in like it was made of tin foil. Oh yeah, I think it might be. The guy who hit it was Asian, 82 years old and didn't speak English. His car (the torpedo/tank) was unharmed during the incident. Freakin indestructible. Methinks my next car should be a 1995 Volvo.
Vitamin C.
I love vitamin C pills. Chalk full of fake orange goodness. Yum. Hmm, maybe that's why my dentist asked why there was no more enamel on my molars...
Nectarines.
Why do I always get suckered into buying them at the grocery store? Every effen year. Somehow they go straight from rock hard to rotten. Every effen time. Slow learner.
Ice Cream.
I figured out why my Dad has ice cream left in the freezer from when I visited two weeks ago. This had me puzzled. The trick? Keep the freezer so cold that it's literally impossible to scoop more than half a centimetre of ice cream out at a time. Pretty soon you give up. And then try to straighten out the spoon handle.
Quote of the Day.
"I'm trying to turn down the suck in my life, and turn up the awesome." - Jensies
Optimism, again, sorta.
And if at first you don't succeed, keep tryin' (to turn down the suck). Someone please tell me, where's the freakin' knob already???
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
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