Unfortunate Names

I was reading health news headlines the other day, and this one read:
To Dope or Not to Dope: That is the Ethical Question -- Part 1: An Expert Interview With Dick Pound

Um... am I the only one that finds this funny? I wonder how that guy spends most of his time! Haha. What doesn't make sense to me is that if my name was Richard, I would NOT take a nickkname like Dick, especially if my last name was Pound (or Devine, Shaft, Small or Hung). There are so many funny names out there... Mike Hunt, Drew Peacock, Crystal Chandelier, Rose Plant, Candy Cane, Rob Roberts (Stephen Stephenson, John Jonston, etc.) and of course any of the Asian names like Wang, Dong or Hung...

Speaking of funny names, I always got a kick outta Bart's phone calls to Moe's... read some of them here.

Jen and I were chatting about the Dick Pound thing and I brought up Jack Schidt. There's actually someone out there named that! Anyways, she didn't know jack about Jack Schitt, so I have to post a link for her enjoyment (and yours)... it's an oldy but I still get a chuckle out of it: Know your Schitt. Haha, I love Chicken Schitt.

Ok, back to work now... I can't be doing Jack Schitt all day today!!!!

Damn that Spam!!!

Even more stupid than people who order something for $14.95, not realizing that it's actually FOUR easy payments of $14.95…

Even more stupid than those who forward chain emails to 10 of their friends hoping that they'll get money in the mail from Bill Gates, magically find their true love in the next 24hrs or be unbelievably blessed by good luck for the next 5 years…

Even more stupid than people who think they can check out porn sites for free and wonder why their computer is overrun with popups...

Even more stupid than the people who, when told they've won a million dollars, if they only pay $1000 first…

Even more stupid than people who call $3.95 a minute services and don't expect to be put on hold indefinitely…

Even more stupid than people who think that pyramid scheme is going to make them wealthy beyond their wildest dreams…

… Are the people who reply to spam.

Ok, so a few of us have fallen prey to at least one of the above. I'm not admitting it though, nope.

I just can't fathom why anyone would reply to spam… Do they think that pill actually contains what it says it does... That the horny housewife is going to love you long time... That the stock tip from a spammer will actually pan out???

Do any of these look remotely tempting?

I had this in my mail this morning:

Subject: Feel Pleasure wih You don't need to spend huge money on luxury items - it all will be worthless without decent physical equipment

New and hot

Finally there is something that really gives you extra inches and extra confidence. Up to 3-4 inches of extra length and more pleasure in bed in just a few days!

She certainly has fantasies about a large-sized man pleasing her to the full. You can mark inches on your ruler, expecting your intimate tool to gain a lot in size. All you need is here: http://--------------------

Unlike other products, this one gives you permanent gains in size - and loads of pleasure!

The geek shall inherit the earth. One volunteer is worth ten pressed men Fish and guests smell in three days There Are No Atheists in Foxholes Don't byte off more than you can view.. Two wrongs may not make a right but three rights make a left

I don't get it. What about that email is convincing? Adding 3-4 inches? What, does the penis divide in two? And what's with the attempt at humor at the end? I like how the spammer equates size with pleasure... yeah whatever.

The worst part is that you KNOW that SOMEONE is responding to this shit. Otherwise why is my inbox filled with it day after day?

Scott Adams posted about Spammers on his blog. Totally cracked me up (check that link, it's much funnier than my rant is here...).

He says:

I imagine some guy named Barney in Florida opening his e-mail, seeing the subject line "Re: it see to amiss" and thinking "this must be from one of my friends." Then he opens it, only to be surprised that it's a pitch for penile enlargement pills that also cure baldness and help you pick winning penny stocks.

Now at this point you might expect Barney to wonder why he hasn't seen stories all over the news about this miracle breakthrough drug. But he doesn't wonder. All he knows is that he's poor, bald, and hung like a frozen caterpillar.

Thanks Barney, thanks a lot.

Body Fat Accumulation

I'm giving a class today on body fat accumulation and energy regulation. If I wanted to show an actual example of fat accumulation, I suppose I could just whip down my pants and show them my bare butt.

Yeah... NO.

Although I had a prof once who demonstrated how well the body regulates energy by taking her trousers off and putting on the leather pants she wore in high school. Yep, right in front of the whole class. It made her point well and was entertaining to boot.

There shall be no such show today. Besides, I definitely wouldn't fit into the Fancy Ass jeans I wore in high school, although I'm sure they'd be in style right now. Yikes... I hate those icky 'skinny' jeans. Hmmm. Come to think of it, I wouldn't even fit into the jeans I wore when I was 20. Funny thing, that's around the time I tried Weight Watchers.

Interesting how I thought I needed to trim down then and now I'm quite a bit heavier and am mostly at peace with my weight. That might have something to do with the styles now. If I wore the high-waisted skinny jeans now, I'm sure I'd be forced to join some weightloss program out of sheer desperation. It would be just too damn hideous.

Anyways, that Weight Watchers thing was a disaster. I cant' stand being told I CAN'T eat something. My friend Pam and I would follow the diet all week and then we'd find ourselves at some fast food joint eating hamburgers, fries and then heading to 7-11 and chowing down on ice cream bars. We'd seriously eat everything we weren't allowed to eat all week- in one day. Then we'd think, "Well we've blown the diet now, so let's just blow it some more."

I remember going on one of those diets where you eat only fruit on Monday, only vegetables on Tuesday, fruits and vegetables on Wednesday... and then I forget the rest because that was around the time I bailed. I knew I was in trouble Wednesday evening when I was feeding the cats canned catfood and thought it smelled so good that I started to salivate and considered having a spoonful. It seriously smelled like Chunky Soup to me.

So I haven't been on a diet in ages and ages. I just try to be reasonable. And that's all I have to say on that right now. The topic is boring. I'm boring myself.

Back to preparing for class...


UPDATE: Class went well, I thought. At least no one threw rotting fruit at me. Although for a 3 hour class, they probably wanted to hoard all the food they could to sustain them through it. Unfortunately, I have this problem of stumbling over my words at times. It's totally like being marble-mouthed. First, I couldn't get the word "prepubertal" out. Blah blah blah PREPUBERTAL. And then I tried to say "detectable statistically" and it came out as, wait for it... DETESTICLE. At which point I stopped and laughed and said, "That was a good one. What I meant to say was the difference was not detectable statistically. Try and say that 10 times fast." Yep, still chuckling over that one.

High Fibre Diet = Low Social Acceptance

My gut is fairly well adapted to a high fibre diet. With fibre, I’d definitely recommend starting with a small amount and increasing that slowly over time. Never before has "baby steps" been such an important concept.

Do not, I repeat do NOT tamper with this. It’s a volatile system that can blow up good if taken lightly.

Here is a meal combination(1) that I’ve found will test the boundaries of even the most well-adapted:

Colon Blow Burrito (aka 'recipe for social disaster')

Ingredient; Fibre

1 high fibre tortilla(2); 8g
¾ cup refried beans; 9g
½ avocado; 6.5g
½ cup salsa; 3.5g
2 cubes cheese; 0g

Total = 27g

Seeing as how 25g is the daily goal for the average grown woman and most people in North America don’t even get 10g in a whole day, you can imagine the possible repercussions(3).

Further, DO NOT follow this up with a few pints of draught beer(4).

I think I just figured out why Mexicans prefer a stiff margarita to a cold Corona.

Footnotes:

(1)Consume at your own risk.

(2)The high fibre tortilla was an experiment in healthy eating gone horribly wrong. This is particularly true if you have coeliac disease, in which case you may be considered akin to a suicide bomber, taking down yourself as well as those around you.

(3)Not recommended. You may be eating healthy, but others will also keep a healthy distance between you and themselves.

(4)Socially, you may be well-lubricated after drinking beer, but your rear-end will also be well-lubricated after high fibre burrito + beer. Take a moment to consider this. On the other hand, if you are competing in a fart show-down with your siblings or other willing(5) participants, this is proven effective and will specifically improve 2 functions important in fart showdowns: 1) explosive fart force and 2) the ability to fart at will (and at times perhaps not at will).

(5)Mutually consented gas-letting should be strictly adhered to at all times. Farting against another's will is considered immature, unethical and even dangerous to the victim's physical and emotional well-being and is not condoned in any way, shape or form by the administrator of this site.

My Dad is NOT an idiot.

After reading my blog and some of the wisecracks people have added, many of my friends have asked, “Who the hell is AL?”

Here are the things I know for sure:

-He’s a regular commenter on “ramblings of a whiner.”
-He thinks I’m a whiner, and that I ramble.
-Many of my friends think his comments are pretty funny.
-He thinks his comments are funny, probably has more fun commenting than actually reading my posts.
-He is my dad.
-He is NOT an idiot.
-I don’t think he’s an idiot, even though I called him one... kinda.

I felt the need to talk about this, openly, because it is becoming painfully clear that he’s not over the “Al, you are an idiot!!!” comment I made so many moons ago. The evidence, several references he’s made to it since…

Gmail chat with Pa at 22-Aug-2006 08:39 PM:

Pa: … Is everthing alright between you and Rosie. She hasn't commented on your blog in a long time and I'm feeling guilty cause I've commented on hers…
Me: No it's fine. I don't know why she hasn't commented. I never thought about it.
Pa: At least I didn't call her an idiot! on her blog.
Me: Neither did I.
Pa: What?????????

Posted by Al to ramblings of a whiner at 22-Sep-2006 08:33:43 AM:

I am glad that you honour your father. On occasion I have had the sad experience of one of my children calling me an idiot!

It is obvious from these two transgressions, as well as multiple 'in person' references to it, that Al (aka “Pa”) is clearly not over being called an idiot.

But how did the whole idiot thing come about? Good question. After all, it’s not every day that a person calls their dad an idiot, particularly in our family.

So here it is:

My sister posted about how 1 out of 5 Canadians are Nuts on her blog (click on the link to see the whole thing, with all the comments below it), where she wrote about the whole Israeli/Hezbollah conflict. After commenting on her post, my dad and I were chatting on Gmail chat and this is what went down...

Pa: You need to write another funny on Lannys blog. I just left a real downer.
Me: uh oh
Pa: Guess I'll switch over to your blog and see what "THE MASHER" has to say today.
Me: uh oh, you're gonna make some comment about how long it is
Pa: You said it!!

[Pause] During this pause I checked out my dad’s comment on my sister’s blog and noticed his typo… he was writing about 9/11 and put 7/11. Wahahaha. This was my chance to use the typo to act like the usual type of commenter on some of the more political-themed blogs, commenters who are a bit over-the-top (i.e. expressing extreme opinions and name-calling).

Me: Um hey dad, you said to put a funny comment on lanny's blog, so I did. Don't take the idiot comment personally, the whole comment is tongue in cheek. Hahaha. To make a point.

So you see that the idiot comment about Al was, in fact, solicited by himself! And I thought it was funny and it did make a point, and that point was NOT that my dad is an idiot. Sorry Dad, I used you and abused you with your permission... kinda.

There it is, my public retraction of my idiot comment.

TGIF!!!!!!!!!

Hey folks! It's Friday once again and the weekend is upon us! Yippee!

Cheers to NOT having another Friday like my last one! Yeah, I'll just leave it at that.

Caught in the Crossfire

This picture kills me. I bet they had to wipe off the camera on that one...

I love the full-on force behind it, to the point where it's coming out of his nose, shooting through the air in almost horizontal fashion, and especially the innocent bystander caught offguard in the projectile crossfire. I bet he needed to wear a neckbrace after that. Imagine that conversation...

What happened to you?

Whiplash.

Car accident?

No.

What?

Hurl. Projectile. Uh, don't ask.

Celibacy, discipline and solitude...

My friend Lisa was telling me about a movie called Water. Shortly after a girl Chuyia, marries her betrothed, he dies and she's basically forced to live in a temple as a nun. This is because " ... according to Holy Hindu Scriptures she has been destined to live here for the rest of her life, for when a woman's husband dies', she has three options: One, to marry her husband's younger brother, if his family permits; two, to kill herself on his funeral pyre; three, to live a life of celibacy, discipline, and solitude amongst her own kind."

Yikes, the choices! That's harsh.

Apparently Chuyia is only nine years old when this happens and scarcely remembers getting married.

Although I can't say I've suffered as these women have, I see some strange parallels with my own life.

I know I was fairly stunned in my teenhood and early twenties, not knowing wtf was going on most of the time. Could there have been a month or so back then when I was married and didn't know it and then he croaked? Maybe it was during my "slow" years way back when you could've hit me over the head with a frying pan and I would have rubbed my lid and said, " woooooah maaan, that stung." And then if you asked me if I minded getting hit with the pan, I probably would've responded, " ... I don't know."

But the question is always WHY. Why, so many moons ago, did this curse fall upon me?

If something like that did in fact occur, then why the hell didn't he have a hot younger brother!?! I would have totally been down with that!

Celibacy, discipline and solitude... Not so down with that.

Canadian gifts?

Before going to Europe, I thought I'd paruse the net for some ideas for truly Canadian gifts for our hosts. I stumbled upon the Canadian Gift Shop. This looks awesome I thought...

I couldn't believe what I saw. Paperweights? Who buys paperweights anymore? Last I checked most offices are not plagued by strong winds unless your boss tends to spout off a lot of hot air regularly. My own desk may LOOK like a tornado hit it, but no amount of paperweights are going to prevent that, let me tell ya.

The funniest part were the number of gnomes they had. Haha, GNOMES??? I can't imagine presenting these French people with a gnome for their garden...

Notice that this little guy's name is "Whiz"... Not sure if that's a coincidence since it looks a bit like he's about to take one. Oh, I guess that's a wrench to tighten lug nuts on wheels, my bad. Guess I should have known that, being Canadian and all...

We ended up getting them maple and chokecherry syrup, Candian Rockies calendars and a nice history/picture book about Alberta. Oh yeah, and I brought Flo an Oilers cap (his had totally worn out) and shirt (from Nate). I'd wanted to bring them Ice Wine and Bernard Callebaut too but it would have been ruined in the 45 degree car for over a week.

Although a big hunk of melted together Bernard chocolates doesn't have the best 'presentation', if I got one I'd probably still eat it, gnawing on it bit by bit until it was gone...

Oprah is coming to satellite radio...

... Because between a daily television show, a monthly magazine and a website; we don't get enough Oprah.

10 Signs that Summer is Over

10. You spend more your mornings finding and pairing up socks... to wear in SHOES, bye bye sandals:(

9. Your % daily exposed skin goes from 75 to about 10... basically only face and hands.

8. The temperature goes from a nightime low of 8 degrees to a daytime high of 8 degrees.

7. Shivering becomes your sole source of daily exercise.

6. You RENT the summer blockbusters.

5. The days get shorter, the nights longer and weekend activities go from outdoor in nature to indoor... No wonder northern climates have a lot of spring babies!

4. The Black Dog patio stops calling your name.

3. All the damage you did to your face in the summer sun starts to become all too apparent as the 'healthy glow' starts to fade away into a muddy pale blueishness.

2. Hibernation mode kicks in... You start hoarding food and consuming enormous amounts of it to prepare your fat stores for the long loooong winter.

1. You have only 65 days to write a thesis. AAaaaaaaccckkkkk!!!!!!!.

Lap Ho

Working at home today...

... and this is the scene on my lap right now.

She's always gotta get in there somehow, someway. At any point in time, if she's not on your lap, she's trying to get on it.

She particularly likes cute boys, people who are allergic to cats, and ANYONE wearing BLACK.

Lord help you if you happen to be all three.

Yep, she's my little Lap Ho:)

Jackasses are funny sometimes...

I got a kick outta these jackasses... Wolfmother: Joker and the Thief.

One of the better music videos out there, and the song rocks too.

Oh God, I just watched the Mr. Big video. I had no idea that these dudes looked like a bunch of punks wearing really bad women's wigs!

Camping with Nerds

No, that's not the name of a geek-supercharged survivor-type reality TV show (like Jen's dad thought;)... but it was definitely my reality last weekend when I went to Jasper with some of the people from my research group. Looking at the photos below though, guess who was the biggest fashion nerd of the trip? Ok, so I use camping as an excuse to wear whatever clothes I have left in my closet from the early 1990's. It makes for a very flattering ensemble I must say.

We saw a lot of wildlife (sheep, elk, squirrels, coyotes), but no bears. However, we were warned at the gate that it was elk rutting season and to keep clear (at least 3 bus lengths). People still went within one bus length to take their pictures, despite the distinct possibility of being bred by a very large bull elk, or perhaps worse, having him tear you another asshole with his huge rack of antlers. Real bright folks, real bright.

My two tentmates thought they'd be smart and wear earplugs and eye masks so they could sleep at night. At first when I lay there in the middle of the night listening to eerie elk mating calls and then got woken up by yipping squirrels in the morning, I thought maybe they were onto something and that earplugs were a good idea. Then common sense kicked in. I think I'd wanna hear if there was some kind of kafuffle outside or worse, some animal trying to get inside the tent at night. Yeah, I think I'd rather have fair warning. Those two happy sleep-nerds can be bait for the bear while I high tail it outta there!!!

Although there was a lot of wildlife, there was nothing wild about our campsite. Jasper National Park lets everyone know that 'quiet time' is after 10pm and the campers at our site definitely took it literally. It took about 10 minutes of 9 people staring at the fire in silence for me to pipe up.

"Ok then... if no one is going to talk then I'll be forced to tell jokes."

Still nuthin.

I tried to pressure people to drink.

Nuthin.

I started it with one of my fave jokes I first heard my brother tell many years ago about the two golfers and the old lady taking a dump in the trees. Then I mentioned the email I got about the Bobbit sister and how she missed her hubbie's thang and got charged with a 'misdeweiner'. Of course I had to tell the one about the really dumb guy that got married and told his dad the next day after his wedding night that "the way she was acting, I think I totally coulda gotten laid last night!" After a few more, I ended it with one that someone told me may not have been appropriate for this crowd. What? I only mention a certain body part, nothing obscene about that... Oh yeah, I'm camping with nerds!!! Ok here it is...

Tarzan was swinging through the trees and he saw a beautiful girl. So he swings up to her and says: What name?
She says: Jane.
He says: What whole name?
She says: Vagina.

In the original version, a much more vulgar word was used and I think the word I used was totally acceptable.

There was a little bit of laughing and then more silence.

More pressure on my end for them to drink. Nuthin.

My supervisor told some bear stories and a couple of his own jokes.

More silence. No one wanted another drink.

At midnight they called it a night. My first and last weekend of camping and official last weekend of summer, ended at midnight with a perfectly good fire still blazing and two half bottles of wine sitting on the picnic table.

Oh well. I tried. They were a good crew overall and the trip rocked. Jasper is beautiful, the food was good (I'm sure nutrition students bring totally different food camping than the general population... i.e. turkey and veggie dogs, lots and lots of vegetables, yogourt, muesli.... oh and s'mores of course!).


Yeah yeah yeah, I know that outfit ain't flattering!

Check out the scenery... the one day it was raining and you can see the drops in the picture. Waterfalls are always awesome, and I tried to capture the full moon one night. You can see me starting the fire with ease in one shot. And in the pic of the mountain sheep by the road you can tell that they're either totally illiterate or they just don't care about park rules-- the sign behind them says: "Reclamation area, do not disturb."

That's it until next year... And probably my last whole weekend off for a while if I ever wanna finish school. Me = one sad camper.

Spider infestation?

Thanks Mom and Dad for the spider infestation in my house!!!

First, when I was washing the beets I got from my parent's garden, I saw a wolf spider swimming in the water. I almost flipped! Had that spider been in my car and then my fridge the whole time?!? YIKES! It took all I had in me to get near enough to it to open the drain and make sure it went down. Then I plugged both sink drains and only opened them to let out large amounts of water at a time. Did I pour hot water or bleach down? Well no. Is that going to be a problem? Don't drains drain OUT of a building? Like, that's their purpose, right? It should take the spider out with it...

This weekend people were telling me that the spider probably just came up through another drain... I dreamt about the spider that night, I dreamt that he did just that and was in my house somewhere. Eeek! Now I don't know where the creepy little guy could be, but the drains are still blocked off and I don't know when I'll be able to open them again. I'm still expecting to run into him somewhere, uh, probably in my bed.

Then tonight I spotted yet ANOTHER spider on my ceiling!!! Crikey! It probably came from one of the other veggies. The potatoes? The Swiss Chard? I wasn't thrilled at the sight of the little bugger. I couldn't kill it though, I'm a wimp that way. I took a jar, caught it and sent it off my balcony.

That better be the last one!!! Maybe I should have killed him and left the carcass up there as a warning to others. I don't want to anger them though, in case Wolfy gave birth to a whole baseball team of crazy-ass spidey cubs.

I'm going to have bad dreams about cats getting webbed tonight. Thanks a lot for the arachnophobic suggestion by the way...


You can't see it too well but that's him. I know it's not Wolfy, cuz Wolfy was way bigger and thicker. Ewww.

I need to think about something else now because I'm getting all itchy...

Women's washroom?

Although I never saw it marked on the exterior of the outhouse, I figured I must be in the right one when I saw this symbol on the toilet.

Camping!!!

This is my last weekend of 100% pure fun. Earlier today I was having a nervous breakdown about my thesis and why the hell I'm taking off for the weekend and doing the math on what I have to do in how little time. I don't know if I'm going to pull it off folks. I have about 2 months to write a thesis and my data hasn't even been completely analyzed yet. YEAH... I almost bailed on this weekend, I was this --> <-- close.

So our research group is heading towards Jasper today to do some camping. Yay! Last year I started up the tradition of an annual camping trip. Y'know, a team building crap sorta thing. I'm sooo looking forward to this as it will be my only camping trip this year! Unbelievable!!! My supervisor is promising to tell bear stories around the campfire, which should sufficiently scare the snot out of some first-time campers from France and China, and probably the rest of us as well. And what of cougars and wolves? Yikes. And spiders... I'm a bit of a wimp that way. Hopefully the spiders mind their own business! (Spiders, although scary, are hardly in the same category as a large carnivore, I admit. I can co-habit with a spider in my tent if I HAVE to, I don't think the bear and I would do so well together).

This year I vow to drink less around the fire at night. That first night last time was a doozy and the next morning I felt like complete dog doodoo. I stumbled out of my tent, sat my green dizzy self down for a minute, ate a banana and ran to the outhouse and woofed it up. Not good. Plus my supervisor doesn't need to see my crazy alter-ego, AGAIN... Anyways, the weekend should be interesting for sure.

Below are some pretty cool pictures my friend Nancy took around Jasper earlier this year. I've included her story as well...

The craziest thing happened to me when I was driving to Prince George today. I was about 20 minutes outside of Jasper....(PG side) and I saw this....dog trotting down the highway ahead of me.....as I got closer...I realized it wasn't an effen dog. it was a WOLF! I couldn't belive my eyes. I have never ever ever in my life seen a wolf ON the highway...I've seen one in the ditch once...and it bolted into the trees before I could even get a good look at it. Anyway...it was the most surreal moment. I stopped right beside it and it just stopped and stared right into the window. I was shaking...and had my camera in my purse (flukey chance!). So I was able to snap two photos of it. it was just so amazing. these crazy silver eyes ....it felt like the wolf looked right through me. then I just slowly drove beside it...rolled my window down and said 'hi' to him...and he just kept looking over at me....and slowly walking beside my car. It was awesome.

The drive was gorgeous...blue blazer the whole way...clear roads. I 've also attached a wicked shot of the majestic Mt. Robson....

Relationship Quotes

These are just some thoughts of mine, personal/observational, right/wrong; these have all passed through my brain at some point or another...

How well people naturally cater to each others insecurities determines the success of a relationship. If you have to change or bend over backwards too much to accomodate the other person's fears, then you should probably just give up.

It’s a tightrope we walk on in our romantic relationships. On one hand, we want the person to feel good about themselves when they’re around you, so you compliment them, but at the same time you don't want them to start totally believing it because they'll think they can get someone better! Right? Then boy oh boy, it's time to bring them down a peg or two!

Do you think that who we’re with is some mix of what we 'think we want' and what we 'think we can get'?

I've heard it said that relationships are like a roller coaster ride. The problem is that I don't like roller coasters. Could be why I'm outta there when it gets too crazy. If I need to throw up in the garbage can and call the chiropractor afterwards, then I stayed on a rough one way too long!

Boy: Why are you being such a girl?
Girl: It's called PMSing. And yes, I AM being a girl because I AM one.

How much shit you put up with from a guy is directly proportional to how hot you think he is.

4 Packs A Day

The last few weeks I've wolfed down about 4 packs a day of this gum.

I think it's helping.

"We know nature’s urges can arise at the most inappropriate times. That’s where Handzoff Anti-Masturbatory gum comes in handy. When you’ve got the fire down below and you must say no, chew Handzoff instead.

Two Handzoff chews offer 4-6 hrs of relief. You may chew up to 120 pieces daily as needed."

p.s. I just noticed the label says the anti-masturbatory gum "comes in handy". Good pun, I mean, good one.

What did you do today?

I waited and waited and waited and then I got a gelato.

Then I waited and waited and waited and then I got to go home.

:)

Mind Closed

Rubber Arm: Off Limits!!!

Ok people, I have a thesis to write here. Why do you keep trying to tempt me away with all your tantalizing plans? WHY??? Plans that involve food, drink, fun? Y’know, I’m terribly weak when it comes to that stuff. How do I say NO?

This arm is pathetically maleable rubber and there’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe there’s some chemical reaction I can conduct on it that will turn my arm from the most twisty pliable rubber ever, into a more rigid, sturdy arm that's also perfectly functional for the usual daily arm duties. Like, if they were fairly rigid I could still type on my computer, sleepwalk or do handstands... But what about putting on pants, washing my hair, shovelling food or lifting a beer to my mouth? What about dancing? Perhaps there are some dance moves that don't require arm bendy-ness.

Oh God, how am I going to get through this?

Just leave me alone you temptresses and temptrons (huh?)... or, uh, don't leave me alone. I really don't wanna be left alone!

Wait... Rubber arm, YOU are the real temptress.