Get this: They put Grey’s Anatomy, My Name is Earl and Ugly Betty on at the same time on Thursday nights. Jerkhole network bigwigs! I was perfectly fine with GA on Sundays, I’m usually home Sunday nights... whereas Thursdays you never know what could be goin’ down (it is mini-Friday after all).
I've never seen Ugly Betty, so I figured I’d check it out during GA commercials (her general appearance is not unlike mine in high school- awkward, ugly, braces… but I had raunchier hair).
Guess what? NO GO on adulterous program swapping during commercials. I quickly discovered that dipping into the essence of another show is simply not possible. Somehow the networks have rigged it so they play their commercials at the same time. You heard me right: at the SAME TIME. How do they do that?!? Jerkhole network bigwigs!
So not only are commercials bloody annoying, insanely loud and intrusively frequent, but they all air at the same time and I cannot, therefore, EVER make good use of those 2 minutes that occur 10x/hr. They are just long enough to be completely grueling to sit through, but just short enough that throwing in a load of laundry or taking anything other than a quick pee break isn’t humanly possible. And then just for good measure, they throw in an extra long one, so you sit through the first 2 minutes thinking that you don’t have time to clean the kitty litter (oh… did I tell you about HPV? "Tell someone about HPV!" I'd like to hear that dinner-time convo: "Have you ever had a genital wart?" Actually I don’t mind those ones so much because at least they do some good by educating people) and then they surprise you with ANOTHER 2 minutes so you could have done something productive but didn't know! (Stupid A&W commercials… "Got the Grandpa Burger for you Dad..." "Huh? OH!"... awe isn't that sweet... or the one where they go to the fancy restaurant and then to A&W afterwards for "dessert." ... By the way, you have some slobber on your lip -- I hope you’re not drooling because you think you’re coming up to my place after this, even though I just hosed you for not one but two, countem TWO dinners, wah ha ha ha! Oops, kinda ran on there for a bit).
That's it. I want a TiVo.
Yeah I know, life’s a real bed of roses over here. What can I say?
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2 comments:
TiVo - or just cut the cable. There's nothing good on there anyway. And if there is - wait half a year and buy (or rent) the DVD - no commercials. Problem solved.
Yeah but then you watch it for 13 hours straight without moving except to go pee and get some more chips and soda from the fridge... that can't be good either!
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