I'd Rather

Why do people always compare extremes? For instance, during the summer heat wave (which seems so long ago now). Someone mentions how hot it is and someone else pipes in and says, "I'd rather it was +30 than -30. Any day."


Well DUH. But why does it have to be between those two? Why not just say you'd rather it was a perfect 25?

It reminds of that game "I'd Rather." That's where you give someone two choices, and they have to pick which one they'd rather. For instance, would you rather be a chimpanzee with your brain, or be you with a chimpanzee brain?

Tough call.

Extremes. That's the thing. You have to pick between two similarly undesirable situations. But usually in life, there's always someone who has it worse off than you. We all know this. So why do people have to remind us? Like when you tell a person about something bad that happened to you. You just want them to say, "There there"... Instead they have to point out a worse case scenario...

You: Man, my ex BURNED all my Foo Fighters CDs!!! What the hell!? I had JUST bought their new one too. God this sucks.

Them: Oh yeah? She could've burned something worse. I heard about a guy in Russia who had to live with his ex-wife for 3 years after their divorce. I guess housing is fricken expensive over there. One night he sat naked, drinking vodka and watching tube and she set fire to his penis! It's probably just an ashy stump now.

You: Oh... Uh...



Hmm, let's play 'I'd Rather' for a second here... Boys, would you rather have your penis turned into a mini-towering inferno (details here) or have your left nut ripped clear off your body (details here)? If your answer is neither, then I'd suggest you treat your women like queens and never ever do anything to piss them off. Could happen. Or perhaps you'd rather just pick non-psychopaths in the first place.

Yeah, you and your genitals stand a better chance with the latter. Good choice.