This is just weird (really, what on this blog could pass as non-weird) but I've had a song in my head all morning. Not sure if you'd know the tune, but the lyrics go:
Do your balls hang low
Do you swing them to and fro
Can you tie them in a knot
Can you tie them in a bow
There are several problems with this scenario. They are, as I see it, four fold:
1) My sanity, but beyond that...
2) Those are all the words I know. So those same stupid lyrics spin around in my brain like a broken record. Krike.
3) It also makes one start to ponder; how low can they go? Do they swing to and fro? Could you tie them in a knot, could you tie them in a bow? Could you? I bet some can. I mean, if there are penis controtionists like the Puppetry of the Penis guys, there must be ball sack deformists as well. It only stands to reason.
4) When lyrics are in your head, you just want to sing them out loud. It seems the only way to purge. These ones? No purging was done on campus this morning. In fact, I can't seem to utter these ones out loud. At all.
Alas, my mind wanders back to... Could you tie them in a knot?
Hmmm. I actually don't enjoy thinking about balls this much. I'd better listen to some Sound of Music and get the balls outta my head... I've got big balls... Get your balls to the wall... Chocolate salty balls... UGH.
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3 comments:
Hi!
I found this searching for additional lyrics to that very song. I believe the tune is "Sailor's Hornpipe" or "Parade of the Wooden Soldiers" if you want to cut the last line of each verse down to just "do your balls hang low". I've always thought it went to the tune of the Blue Peter theme, however.
To my knowledge, soldiers of the British Army (and likely the Canadians, too) have been singing these lyrics for nigh-on a century. On one occasion a Major leading his troop on route march even had the company singing it (unwittingly) in the immediate presence of Field Marshal Sir Douglas Haig. Lucky for him, Dougie only said "I like the tune, Major, but you should know that the words are unutterable in any circumstances!"
If you're still wondering about the other lyrics (and I'll bet two bob you most definitely are!), as I know them the basic structure (substituting "balls" for "ears" if you're polite, or a wimp) follows thus:
"Do your balls hang low? Can you swing 'em to-and-fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you sling 'em on yer shoulder like a continental/regimental/lousy, fucking (Navy version!) soldier?
Can you do the double shuffle when/Oh, you'll never be a sailor if your balls hang low!"
Moar rhymes:
"Do they make a lusty clamor when you hit them with a hammer?"
"Can you bounce 'em off the wall like an Indian rubber ball?"
"Do they have a hollow sound when you drag 'em on the ground?"
"Do they chime like a gong when you pull upon your dong?"
...and the chorus!
"Ting-a-ling, God damn, find a woman if you can
If you can't find a woman, find a clean old man
If you're ever in Gibraltar, take a flying fuck at Walter
Do your balls hang low?!"
Ahem. Well, I hope that's been useful!
T'anks fer tha laffs,
Alex
LOL thanks Wikipedia, um, I mean Alex! That's totally awesome info!!
I love this line-
"Do they chime like a gong when you pull upon your dong?"
Haha. Comment anytime, you put a smile on the ol' face today.
Alex had the version I've heard. But he missed a bit of the last line of the chorus, and you'll find it doesn't fit the tune right quite without it. As I've heard it the last line goes "Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?"
Another common last line in other versions is
"You'll never be a bugger if your balls hang low."
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