Vegetarians Taste Better?

Some time ago I'd heard this about vegetarians. The first thing that went through my mind was 'how did the heck did they test that?' Geez, that's a study I wouldn't be lining up for!!! Although there's enough sickos out there that maybe they wouldn't have too much trouble finding volunteers, on either side of the taste testing.

I've done sensory evaluation tests before, whether it be tasting salsa or pizza, and evaluating several aspects from taste to texture to smell to hotness. I've even done olfactory testing on, ahem, poop smell? I know it sounds weird, but in this study they were trying to figure out the concentration of pig barn smell that could be in the air before it was detectable to the human nose... so I'm assuming I was smelling pig poo air, or more likely a component of it. ANYWAYS, the point being that these sensory types of tests are very common in research, I'm just not sure about actually tasting people. I'm sure it's done outside of the research setting all the time, hehe (as well as the olfactory thing, I know I've been forced to smell things against my will, which is completely unethical btw).

Anyways, I digress. In designing the study, there are so many things to consider. For instance, there's something called the contrast effect... meaning if you taste something really good and then taste something average, the average thing tastes worse. Whereas if you taste something awful and then something average, the average thing tastes awesome. So designing the study to be blinded and randomized, etc, would be quite the task. Hmm, there would be so many confounders, let alone difficulties with ethics and recruitment, that I'm sure it will never be done.

In my speculation, tastes are variable and a matter of perception, but I actually wouldn't doubt that vegetarians taste better. As a rule, they are more health conscious, and I could imagine that a healthy person would be tastier than a greasy hamburger eatin' fatso. Now, would this be because a person who tends to be health conscious is also more aware of their hygeine? Perhaps. Although if granola-type people are healthier, uh, they definitely DON'T smell like it. Also, one thing I'm not sure of, is how long does it take for the digestive tract of a person converting to vegetarianism to adjust to the higher fibre diet? This could pose a smelly conundrum. Geez, this gets more complicated the more I think about it!

Anyways, I won't be writing the grant on that one... I think I'll stick to studying what goes into the body, rather than whatever comes out.

mishdish

I admit that I take pleasure in dishing out a good insult. It has to be funny though, otherwise it's not gratifying. That's why I love Happy Bunny so much. Dishing is fun but I can also take it. I love it when someone can get me good (and that includes making fun of myself, hence a lot of my blog entries...).

I used to work with a guy who'd always try to 'one up' me in the insult department. This is quite often how it would go...

Him: Do you think you've lost weight?
Me: No, I don't think so?
Him: Good, didn't want you thinking you had or anything.

Him: Have you lost weight?
Me: No.
Him: Cuz your head is lookin' HUGE!

Usually our conversations would end like this...

Me: (some cutting retort to something he just said)
Him: The next thing I say will make you cry.
Me: You're probably right. I concede.

Instant messenger is one way to hurl insults at friend in the spirit of fun, a good stress outlet. Here's are some highlights of past convos (FYI: it's me in the blue text)...

Gone Squirrelly says: hey foo ... how goes the pillow ass? hahaha
Gone Squirrelly says: ur crazy
Ima Foo says: haha shut it
Ima Foo says: i'm sitting on it right now... pretty cushy


*Trunk Munky* says: sup with the name?
Мичиган says: sup with the face?


Big Hairy Beast says: The cure ..... hmmm, I thought the only cure was Menopause. If your cure is in fact Gin ....... yikes, PMSing drunk woman with a hang over could spell disaster men within the 4 mile epicenter!
I found the cure for PMS!!! (Hint: it starts with 'G' and ends with 'in'.) says: so you bow to my power. i mean, if i can effect a 4 miles radius... cool!
Big Hairy Beast says: No not within 4 miles
Big Hairy Beast says: plus I have a secret weapon
I found the cure for PMS!!! (Hint: it starts with 'G' and ends with 'in'.) says: what's that
Big Hairy Beast says: secret
I found the cure for PMS!!! (Hint: it starts with 'G' and ends with 'in'.) says: antipersperant? well i bet you need it... tho i heard it was made for a woman, apparently it's strong enough for a man (they should have tested it on you tho)
Big Hairy Beast says: it has been damn near three days since I rolled off the turnip truck


Planning revenge on the idiot who broke my brother's leg says: i like your name - it encompasses the bitterness we all feel some days but never say
hi. cram it. says: haha thx
hi. cram it. says: 'never' though? i think i've said it
Planning revenge on the idiot who broke my brother's leg says: i don't think i've ever directly said it but I'm sure my expression has
hi. cram it. says: HAHA
hi. cram it. says: not that expression you gave me the other day...
Planning revenge on the idiot who broke my brother's leg says: the look that's like "if you ask me to do anything today one of us is not going to live"


(:>) says: you gots a pimple on your shoulders
(:>) says: oh, and its come to a head. ewww, there's even hair on it, and ears, and... oh that's your face
"Yuh-hai-has-kun" says: yeah ... I was going for that whole ... "look like Mich for a day in just three beatings look" 

The unfortunate complement to compliments

I have trouble taking compliments well. Half the time I still don’t know what to say, except maybe turn red and mutter, “uh, thanks.”

I think a lot of girls have this problem. Here are some common responses to a simple compliment.

Boy: Hey, you look really good today.

Girl: Hahahahahahaha! Yeah, RIGHT.

Girl: What do you mean today?

Girl: Why, how BAD do I normally look?

Girl: You haven’t put your contacts in yet, have you?

Girl: Could happen.

Girl: Who are you and what did you do with my real boyfriend?

Girl: Ok, what do you want?

Butt Complex: Update

So last night one of my mini friends asked me to do some jeans shopping with her. It’s almost impossible for me to say no to that, so I went. Dumb move. For one thing, I had banned myself from buying jeans last fall. It seemed that they were quickly taking over my closet while my bank account dwindled miserably. I mean, what’s with this quest for the miracle jeans that will make my J Lo ass look Diaz?

Anyways, so I ended up trying on a lot of jeans. By the end of it, any shred of positive body image I had entering the mall had died a slow and painful death. These jeans were all made for boyish bodies (big waist, no ass, no thighs). In fact this one pair, I have to admit, actually squished my butt into this weird shape that my friend said looked like a squished pillow!!!! What the? A PILLOW??? I could hardly believe my ears! It was kinda true though. They had a 3-way mirror and I could see that big squished pillow larger than life in those glaring fluorescent mall lights. Hmmm… then she proceeded to ask me if her toothpick thighs looked big in those jeans…

Speaking of which, I got some flack from a couple of my friends about my Christmas Conspiracy blog entry. My friend Lisa, who’d given me Body Shop Body Butter (this wonderful moisturizer in Coconut flavour) for Christmas, but who I’d given espresso beans and caramel sauce to, responded humorously:

I also looked at your blog - your revenge plot to fatten your friends has worked - the caramel sauce is almost gone. It's been on many banana splits, cake, lattes and yes I even ate it out of the jar with a spoon last night. Beware - the "Body Butter" was not for ingestion but for topical application only it may cause diarrhea and excessive bloating!

So I responded:

Oh don't worry, that blog was pretty tongue in cheek;) I do love the body butter... I've been enjoying it daily. I haven't ingested it, but hopefully rubbing it on my ass doesn't make it fat.

… I’m starting to wonder, though, after the pillow incident.

Nice package RoC, nice package.

What is it with packaging these days? I thought there was a trend to reducing packaging at one point there, but now it seems that it needs to be some kind of an impenetrable fortress. Half the time I can’t even open this plastic shit without having to go get a hacksaw! The worst is definitely that moulded plastic stuff. I guess, if nothing else, at least if there was ever a natural disaster or war that wiped out most of the planet, there would still be plenty of make-up and cable cords intact and ready for use by the struggling survivors.

You see, I always try to get that last little bit of product out of the bottom of any dispenser, whether it be shampoo or body lotion, because that pump thing never gets all of it. And there’s usually a good weeks worth of product in there, and well, I’m not only anti-waste but also a student, so every penny counts. Plus when we’re talking about RoC's new patented technology, a daily moisturiser that helps to counteract the effects of melanin and uneven skin complexion (hence $$$)… I NEED to use every little ounce of the stuff. This morning the pump was pumping no more. No problem, I thought, just get the lid open… but it was securely sealed from top to bottom! Bastards! Still not a problem… with a grin and the intent to make a nice slice across its midsection, I got out my oh-so-sharp donttouchitcuzitwillliterallysliceyourfingerrightoffya Leatherman blade. Guess what happened next? I almost sliced my fricken finger off!!! I tried slicing, stabbing and constant pressure techniques. Nuthin. My persistence turned into frustration. Dammit, I HAVE to get at that stuff in there!!!

A HATCHET! I need to find myself a hatchet. My complexion is slowly but surely getting a visibly uneven, unluminous tone.

… I could just admit defeat and go to the store. But I’m gonna beat this thing. I am. You’ll see. You’re mine illusive face lotion, you’re mine!

Politics

We had a pretty big day here in Canada yesterday- the election. I said I wasn't going to talk politics on this blog, and I stand by that. Mainly because, although I think politics is important, I have trouble joking about it for some reason.

So I shall just recycle a funny quote I heard yesterday (author unknown)...

Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed regularly... and for the same reason.

'nuff said.

Hey Ya!

There's a song called "Hey Ya!" by Outkast that always makes me happy:) Some time ago, I saw this Peanuts video featuring the song. EVERY time I watch it, I get this H U G E grin. Snoopy kills me. So here's the link to it.

Now go smile and then shake it, sh-shake it, shake it, sh-shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture!

Jen's got the Jiggy

I had a meeting with my supervisor an hour before the post-xmas party on Friday. His first words were: Do you want wine or beer? Haha. Somehow it’s almost impossible for me, having the hazardous rubber arm that I do, to say no to free booze. I have a similar problem with food, so those parties that have free food and booze are usually a bit messy.

So that’s how Friday night began… 3pm and a couple of glasses of vino. The party was great. I had my “I’m drunk but can conduct a conversation soberly” gameface expertly in play. Besides the odd witty interjection to the conversation, no one could tell I’d had several glasses of the ol’ Chianti.

When we went out dancing afterwards, I was pleasantly surprised that Jen was to be the entertainment for the evening, and not myself. I quite enjoyed her watching her gettin’ jiggy with it. I think I need to start taking those hiphop classes with her, cuz my grooves definitely need some ‘freshening up.’ You can only do the ‘repetitive vertical punk jump’ interspersed between the ‘side-to-side junior high shuffle’ to so many songs and then you’ve got to branch out a bit. On the other hand, she seemed carefully choreographed as she skilfully ripped out dance moves time and time again in an effortless display that made me look like someone took off the taped-up glasses, combed out the curly hair, threw some mascara on and dressed up nerd girl for her first night out dancing, ever. Whereas her repertoire was so impressive! I think I spotted the kick’n twist, an assortment of waves and glides and of course the twist-o-flex, just to name a few. She may have even pulled out some of those moves from that Albert guy on Hitch- “Do the Q-tip! Q-tip! Now throw it away! Now what am I doing? I'm makin’ a pizza!”

The only problem I had was in-between the band’s sets. I like dance music, but find Tiffany a bit hard to choke down. Sorry, Jen, I had to take the escape route on that one.

Nuthin.

I have nothing to say today. I may have something to report tomorrow, as my supervisor is having the post-xmas party tonight, then we're going out dancing!!! Oh boy, I finally get to see the Ozzy Ozmunds after months of yearning:) At least we can take the dancing elsewhere, instead of gettin' down at my boss's place. He should never see me in that state. No one should ever have to for that matter. I premptively apologize.

Wish me luck.

Who the?

Who are these odd-looking characters? Haha, I love afro and mullet wigs. We got some pretty funny looks from people at the airport that day as we all donned wigs and made our way to the terminal. Actually, some of them pointed and laughed.

I'm kinda used to that anyways;)

Actually, this was taken on Halloween day... so perhaps not so strange?

Kissing Styles

I was talking to some friends about kissing styles and we were laughing so hard that I decided to compile a list. Here goes:

The blender – on the liquefy setting

The lizard – fast in and out tongue action

The happy German Sheppard – the facial tongue bath

The hygenist – otherwise known as the tooth-polisher

The Hoover – vacuums your mouth out

The plunger – kind of like the hoover, but does so in a plunging motion

The plumber's snake - the tongue tries to snake its way all the way down your throat

The hungry hippo – attempts to consume your whole mouth in a voracious manner

The corpse – barely moves

The whisker rub – the kiss remains unmemorable except for the raw skin left behind

The suffocator – he is pressed so tight against you that you can’t breathe

The scared turtle - the tongue is afraid to come out of his shell

Ok boys, if you find that you're kissing half her face (the happy German Shepard), have inhaled her tonsils (the Hoover) or you've been smooching for 5 minutes but your mouth has failed to register this (the corpse), then you should stop and rethink your kissing style. I ran across an excellent article on How To Kiss A Woman, which has some awesome tips and is pretty funny as well. She even refers to some of the descriptions mentioned above, plus a couple more such as the “Road-runner-eats-birdseed” method.

Now let's all go out and practice!!! MWAH MWAH!

ps. One thing NOT mentioned in the article is to make sure your breath is fresh as a morning breeze... seems redundant but you wouldn't believe the prevalence of stinky mouths out there!!!

pps. If you have any other kissing styles to add to the list, feel free to leave a comment:)

Project Awry: Everything that can go wrong...

I think it’s otherwise known as Murphy’s Law.

Today I was laughing so hard that I was clapping and crying at the same time. Holy I haven’t laughed quite that hard in a while. I don’t know, maybe I’m still tired.

Let me explain.

A friend of mine put me onto this website called The Onion. Just reading the headlines cracks me up. The article Everything That Can Go Wrong Listed totally killed me. They write, “We are mere weeks from finishing one of the most thorough and provocative scientific surveys of our time… The catalog of every possible unfortunate scenario will complete the work of the ancient Phoenicians and the early Christian theologians. Soon, every hazardous possibility will be known to man… And listed.”

This is the excerpt from “Project Awry” that struck my funnybone so profoundly.


Perhaps I can contribute to their database. I’m sure these must be in there, but I should email them in, just in case…

More things that can go wrong:

Get kicked off your houseboat and left to drown; trip off the catwalk; armageddon; discover huge hanger in your nose at end of the day; giggle in church; fall in shower and die; lose remote control; get run-over jaywalking; can’t get it up; radio plays annoying song over and over; supervisor wants to see you; email trash talk to the wrong friend; fall through manhole; sleep with nursing home patient; attempt to mug Crocodile Dundee; fart in phone booth; purse contents emptied at airport security; forget kid at school; king-size deluxe vibrator is found, not by you; fall asleep at wheel; clothes catch fire; aliens abduct and perform butt-probe; body odour; wake up before alarm; cat pukes on favourite sweater; sandwich falls apart; get pushed out of helicopter; pap smear; eat too much; nominated for Darwin award; spill hot drink on crotch; fly over bike handlebars; building collapses; police bust you for urinating in public; trick wrong person; end up on internet priceless ad; forget name; hurt back on dance floor; born with webbed toes; tampon overflow; get passed over for reality series “Average Joe”; trapped in mosh pit wearing thong sandals; underwear is showing; drive down street wrong way; attempt to fly; plug toilet at friend's house; drink too much at company Christmas party; can’t light campfire; leave drink on car roof; swear in front of Grandma; can’t walk straight; credit card rejected on date; spit flies from mouth during job interview; trapped in walk-in freezer; step in doody; global warming; lose contact lens; computer virus obliterates whole thesis; snowmobile through barbed-wire; watch 40Year Old Virgin with your parents; reveal top-secret Walmart cheer on the radio; bathroom stinks; blackmail; forget birth control pill; drop keys in grate; fall for new penis-enlargement drug ad, try it, backfires; slip on banana peel; car explodes; step on tack; kidnapped into sex slavery; house plant dies; Jesus doesn’t return; ; wrongly accused; can't get porn-popups off family computer; hit yielder at merge sign; forget to pick up dry cleaning, pay to see “The Hulk” in movie theatre; quit grad studies with looming student debt…

Instant messenger... Instant entertainment for the bored.

For lack of a better idea, I thought I'd feature a previous messenger convo. I shall not reveal the identity of those involved in the convo, and furthermore, these events may or may not have actually happened...

Bealer says:

holy smokers - you can smell me from there??? I just went to the bathroom to try to get the doody off my shoe -

fatty says:

HAHA... don't blame it on the shoe!

Bealer says:

and it IS the shoe

fatty says:

did you really step in doody?

Bealer says:

yeah I did

fatty says:

hahahaha no way

fatty says:

too funny

Bealer says:

I'm glad you think so!!!

fatty says:

hee hee

Bealer says:

I think it was gum originally, with some doody, grass and poo mixed in

fatty says:

hahahahaha

fatty says:

what a mix!

fatty says:

maybe it was gum that a dog ate and pooped out into the grass

Bealer says:

LOL!!!!!!

Bealer says:

why do I think that is a perfect explantaion

fatty says:

haha ... only i come up with that shit

fatty says:

no pun intended

fatty says:

hehe

fatty says:

and only you step in it!!!!

Bealer says:

nice one LOL

Bealer says:

and yes - only you.

Bealer says:

Anyway...after lunch I was walking around, and noticed I was sticking to things, so I take off my shoe, and have a look...and sure enough there is this black blob with grass and hair in it

fatty says:

eeeewwww!

Bealer says:

I go into the kitchen to get a plastic knife to scrape it off, and this big, main chunk is hanging off the heel. So I go to work on it...and next thing I know - its gone!

Bealer says:

like GONE!!

Bealer says:

I looked all around the kitchen for it, thinking it MUST be on the ground....

fatty says:

HAHAHA

Bealer says:

but I CANT FIND IT

Bealer says:

so all afternoon, I am walking around, knowing I have this shitty blobby goop in my hair, or on my back or ass or somewhere

Bealer says:

cause i cant find it anywhere!!!

fatty says:

HAHAHA

fatty says:

did you find it???

Bealer says:

NO!

Bealer says:

still havent

fatty says:

so you went to scrape it off...

fatty says:

and it was gone?

Bealer says:

no, I started scraping at it hardcore, going at it

fatty says:

oh yeah...

Bealer says:

and got it into this chunk

Bealer says:

then closed my eyes, and gave her one last big scrape.....

fatty says:

HAHA... you must have flicked it?

Bealer says:

opened my eyes, thinking it would be on the knife or ground

Bealer says:

totally!

Bealer says:

and I am in the KITCHEN!

fatty says:

hahaha... its probably not ON you

Bealer says:

its probably in someones coffe cup

fatty says:

HAHAHA must be!

fatty says:

that's too funny!

fatty says:

the case of the missing poop gum

Bealer says:

totally! LOL

Bealer says:

I cant wait for someone else to find it

fatty says:

hahaha that would be hilarious... wtf is this???

Bealer says:

TOTALLY!

Bealer says:

lol

Bealer says:

EWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee

fatty says:

hahaha

fatty says:

everything gross in it... hair, gum, poo... close to the worst combo ever

fatty says:

hair... why is it nice on someone's head but gross anywhere else

Bealer says:

yeah - no kidding hey?

Hork

The other day I saw the mother of all horks. It looked like someone coughed up half their lung onto the sidewalk. I can’t stand hork. And I just don’t get it. Why do people hork? Every time I walk down the street I have to watch where I walk or risk stepping in it. Even worse is when I accidentally roll over it with my back bike tire, and then cringe at the possibility of it getting flicked upwards onto the back of my hair or something. At least when it’s colder, the hork freezes and isn’t a risk that way, although perhaps I’d wipe out on the hork ice.

So is hocking up a loogie like cracking your knuckles perhaps? Like, the more you do it the more you feel compelled to? And why is it that the horkmongers are mostly male? Do men genetically differ from women in this way (similar to how they fart more)? Come to think of it, I’ve never met a female spitter. And I don’t think it’s because it’s perceived as disgusting for women to do so. Because, believe me, it’s perceived the same way when a man does it!!!

I just don’t get it.

Get Silly!

I've literally had this cartoon on my fridge for YEARS. It's been up there so long it's turned dark brown and is a little sticky, but it's still kickin'! I just find it to be so representative of my philosophy. I think Mike Myers said something similar about silliness in an interview once. I agree... Silliness lightens us up, makes us take ourselves less seriously and makes us laugh (the best medicine EVER). Get silly!!!

I didn't realize it, but I just noticed that this is a dilbert comic. FYI Scott Adams has an excellent blog: The Dilbert Blog. Check it out... Gee, I hope it's ok that I posted someone else's comic strip?

Johnny Knoxville

He’s not good-looking. Not really. Plus he's tres bizarre. But there’s something about him. As I watched “The Ringer”, my eyes totally drank him in. I guess it’s what they call “charisma”???

He’s the only guy I’ve ever seen who can make a handlebar moustache look good.

Or perhaps I’m just ovulating.

The 3 Second Rule

The 3 second rule does not work at our house. You drop something on the floor, like a piece of cheese for instance, and what you pick up 2 seconds later is NOT identifiable as cheese. It's now some sort of small critter, made of what appears to be dust bunny, cat hair and something very crunchy. Unbelievably crunchy... and awful tasting.

Funny?

So yesterday I was painfully tired and therefore completely loopy. In amongst this haze, I met with my supervisor about the abstract I was preparing of the research we've done. The abstract is just an outline of the experiment re: Background, Objectives, Results and Conclusion...

As a joke I put for the Conclusion:
Sleep and socializing time has significantly decreased as a result of this study, and is highly and positively correlated with the amount of data generated from our analyses. Hopefully we can eventually conclude something profound.

Luckily he had a good chuckle. Of course behind every good joke there is some truth. Ugh.

Christmas Conspiracy

I got a lot of “treats” from my friends for Christmas. Nuts'n bolts drenched in salt and fat, chocolates, cookies… Very very fattening. Well let me tell you, I know what ya’ll are trying to do. I’m onto you!!!

What am I going off about you ask? It's about a little conspiracy I’ve discovered.

Let me explain. All my friends are tiny. Like, maybe 100lbs soaking wet, fully clothed with lead bricks in their pants. Now really, who is that small anymore? I feel like Amazon woman around them. The conspiracy then? I just know they’re trying to keep me fat so that they can continue their tiny ways. But I ain’t falling for it. Nope. This is war you little pip-squeaks! WAR!!!

So my goal for 2006 will be to feed them. Every time I see them I will bring baked goods (who can resist baked goods), Doritos, KFC, Pizza Hut… You name it, I’ll be showing up with it.

Oh it’s on baby… it’s ON!!!!

from the site: Lolly Lu

Impaired Judgment

A long time ago I was pulled over and had to do a breathilizer test. I'd told the cop that I only had a couple of drinks all night. He said that "a couple of drinks can still impair your judgment." I replied to him, "Yeah, and so can being tired." Somehow I didn't end up with a fine for technically lipping him off.

It's totally true though. And further to that, you know how they always say, "don't drink and dial"? As in, don't call anyone when you're drunk, particularly ex's and people from your past with whom you have a particular beef that you suddenly and urgently need closure on. With the advent of technology, it can be said that 'drinking and emailing' or 'drinking and texting' are also big no-no's.

I will stick with my response to the cop in saying that being tired and doing the same is also a big no-no. I did NOT sleep last night. As a result I'm so fricken tired I can hardly breathe. In this compromised state (lack of sleep plus lack of O2) I sent off this crazy-ass rambling email to someone I hardly know. There has been no response yet and of course I must think the worst. I've been banned from yet another person's contact list.

In the midst of all this, I went to email someone else and stopped myself. No no no. Judgment impaired: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT PRESS 'SEND'.

Dancin' Foo'

Now that everyone’s gone for the day I can turn up the music and even sing my little heart out without fear of being busted!

If you want to get a mental picture of what this might look like, check out my dancin’ Dutch brutha here.

P.S. Dad… This will take a long time to load on dial-up, sorry…

Butt Face connection...

Now here's an item that I really wanted for Christmas and didn't get. I love it. I've often thought about the predicament of using your towel one day on your butt and then the next day using the same part on your face! It has actually crossed my mind in the past. So when I saw this online, I thought it was genius! The folks at Stupid.com write:

There's a serious problem in your bathroom that you're not even aware of. After your bath or shower, you might be drying your face with the same part of the towel that dried your butt the day before. Or worse yet, it might have dried someone else's butt! Think about it... using an ordinary towel, you have a fifty-percent chance of getting a face full of butt-tainted terry cloth. Yes, it's revolting, but Stupid.com has a solution.

The ingenious Butt-Face Towel brings sanitary sanity back into your bathroom. It's a quality, terry cloth bath towel with two clearly labeled ends. As you can see in the photos, one half is white with the word "FACE" boldly embroidered. The other end is brown (good color choice) and is embroidered with the word "BUTT."

Simple, no? Each end of the Butt-Face Towel knows its place. The portion you use on your butt and, er, nether regions need never make the revolting journey up to your face again.

Thanks! Now we never have to make the butt-face connection again, unless you choose to... and well, that's your business you sicko!

Pizza Face

Yesterday my face exploded. I never gave that family (and extended family... probably Greek) of zits permission to set up camp on my face. It's unbelievable. I had to use my best artistic skills with the cover-up to camouflage the little buggers.

I know what Flo would say if he was here... In answer to that: NO, I DON'T know what I'm going to do about my face!!!

Resolutions Shmesolutions

Did someone slip a happy pill in my coffee yesterday morning? Holy. Perhaps I was still drunk. A day later my fog hasn’t lifted but my good mood has somewhat. I’m too tired to be happy. The first word out of my mouth this morning started with F… Just thinking of everything I have to get done this week. Krike.

Apparently it takes 2 good nights of sleep in order to get over lack of sleep. Hence my difficulty in focusing today. At the moment I sit on the couch with my laptop, checking email and watching Ellen. Jim Carrey is supposed to be on for the segment called “The best of audience dancing 2005”. This should be good. Ellen films people dance at the beginning of the show, and many times they didn’t realize that the camera was aimed at them. There’s some really funny shit. I love watching people dance. It makes me happy. So if you see me laughing as I watch you dance, it’s definitely happy laughter, not mocking laughter. It IS. Really.

Resolutions? Don’t have any. My main goal will be finally graduating this year, and figuring out what the H I want to do after that. Freedom 35? Hmmm… I’ve even overstepped that goal. Plus I don’t see a Sugar Daddy in my near future.

Last year (I think it was) on his Garden State blog, Zach Braff listed some of his new year’s resolutions. They made me chuckle. They were:

-Forgo all exercise (including walking),
-Learn to smoke (something thin like Capri's),
-Take my loved one's for granted,
-Stop washing my hands after twosies,
-Laugh at babies who are late walkers,
-Pull leaves off trees that appear to be flourishing,
-Name the yet to be named voices in my head (something tough like Carl or Kyle)
-Be less kind to bunnies,
-Floss everything but my teeth,
-Travel (but only around my yard and with a light carry-on)
-Stop and smell the Rosens. (They're a wonderful family and absolutely compulsive about showering.)

I like the travel one… and it’s also doable. It’s important that resolutions are doable. Although I think my neighbors might start to wonder about me (more so than they already do). Keep’em guessing I always say.

This coffee is helping dissipate the brain fog. Guess I’ll head in to the office this afternoon. Focus focus focus…

Oh oh-oh I'm Still Alive!

It's pretty cool that I made it through another year. Yippee! And I have a great feeling right down to the bottom of my toesies about this one. I know it's going to be a gooder. Maybe, just maybe, if I'm REAL GOOD, I'll finally make parole!!!

By the way, the New Year's party was a lot of fun. There was wine, but only enough to make my head implode this morning. Although I thought I was going to hurl today when I heard the guy downstairs puke his guts out (forevermore I shall call him "Basement Ralph"). Yikes. Unbeknownst to him, he almost started a vomit chain reaction. I seriously thought I was going to woof my cookies after that. He had been drinking something called "Hypnotics"? I'd never heard of it, that I know of. Anyways, I don't think I made too much of an ass of myself, so I was pleased. Or maybe I should check in with a few people who were there, because sometimes I don't know I've been a dork. Oh well. Bygones. Oh yeah, so there was a bonfire, firecrackers, and sometime in the wee hours we thought it would be fun to play Cranium and then poker (scrabble doesn't really fly with drunk people). Geez, we didn't go to bed until about 6am. Honk shew.

So my first resolution is... you guessed it- no more drinking!!! Actually, I take that back. I'm a realist. Plus, I don't make resolutions. Maybe I should take it a little easy on the ol' brain cells though.

Damn it's going to be a good year!