I was talking to some friends about kissing styles and we were laughing so hard that I decided to compile a list. Here goes:
The blender – on the liquefy setting
The lizard – fast in and out tongue action
The happy German Sheppard – the facial tongue bath
The hygenist – otherwise known as the tooth-polisher
The Hoover – vacuums your mouth out
The plunger – kind of like the hoover, but does so in a plunging motion
The plumber's snake - the tongue tries to snake its way all the way down your throat
The hungry hippo – attempts to consume your whole mouth in a voracious manner
The corpse – barely moves
The whisker rub – the kiss remains unmemorable except for the raw skin left behind
The suffocator – he is pressed so tight against you that you can’t breathe
The scared turtle - the tongue is afraid to come out of his shell
Ok boys, if you find that you're kissing half her face (the happy German Shepard), have inhaled her tonsils (the Hoover) or you've been smooching for 5 minutes but your mouth has failed to register this (the corpse), then you should stop and rethink your kissing style. I ran across an excellent article on How To Kiss A Woman, which has some awesome tips and is pretty funny as well. She even refers to some of the descriptions mentioned above, plus a couple more such as the “Road-runner-eats-birdseed” method.
Now let's all go out and practice!!! MWAH MWAH!
ps. One thing NOT mentioned in the article is to make sure your breath is fresh as a morning breeze... seems redundant but you wouldn't believe the prevalence of stinky mouths out there!!!
pps. If you have any other kissing styles to add to the list, feel free to leave a comment:)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
The slurrrpy! For most of us "wet" is good. Most of yours are devoid of emotions(except maybe revulsion). Who doesn,t enjoy a slurrrpy?
If you want things to get better you have to educate men and that includes positives, not just negatives. So how about giving it another try with positive tips?
(oops, forgot. This is a whiner site)
I thought the article had some great tips. Of course, if Mom has put up with your kissing style for this long, it must be ok... But I'd rather not go there.
My recolection was that mostly it was what not to do, rather than what to do and why. But I'd rather not go there.
Post a Comment