Brrrrr!!!

It's cold out there folks! I can just hear it now. I can predict with 100% certainty, that in the next few days I'm going to hear the following phrase: Is it cold enough for ya? Like I mentioned in a previous post , people have GOT to come up with something better, anything! That phrase is covered in lamesauce, thicker than creamcheese icing on a bad carrot cake in a feeble attempt to make it taste good. When the temperature dips this low, I LOVE my hot showers even more. I cannot stand in there long enough or have the water hot enough. The most retarded products to use when you're trying to warm up, however, are shampoos, conditioners and body cream with peppermint or menthol in it. It doesn't make sense. First I have a shower to warm up, but then I freeze my ass off with minty freshness!? I looked at the ingredients in my bone-chilling moisturizer and sure enough, it contains menthol. Attention all companies selling products in Canada during 8 winter months of the year: I live in the Great White North, I don't NEED a "cooling sensation." If I want to be "cooled", I'll go and jump in the nearest snowbank, thanks. Weird, I didn't notice this before, but this cream also has lanolin in it. Oh geez. I didn't know I was spreading a greasy yellow substance secreted by the sebaceous glands of wool-bearing animals on my skin. Ewww! I can't imagine taking an animal's skin-grease (or even a human's) and using it to moisturize.

Hey Dan, my hands are really dry right now and I see that your hair is exceptionally greasy today, can I rub my hands in it? Ahh, that's better. Thanks. Now all I need is some minty freshness, cuz my hands just aren't cold enough right now. Oh but they are stinky. Maybe I will take a dash of mint with that after all...