Breaking up is hard to do

I wrote this about a year and a half ago... I've got lots of stuff to do today, so I'll dredge it up now for your reading pleasure;)

Jerry Seinfeld once said, "I think when you first start dating, they ought to give you 3 ‘Get out of Relationship Free’ cards so you can just go up to the person and say, Uh, here you go. I’m sorry. I’ll grab my tennis racquet. Don’t get up. Best of luck…"

"If you love something, set it free. And if it doesn’t come back to you, HUNT IT DOWN and..."

No, that’s not it…

"If it doesn’t come back to you, it’s not meant to be."

The truth is that some relationships aren’t meant to last. Inevitably then, SOMEONE has to break it off. And there's an excuse to get out of any relationship.

“It’s not you it’s me.” This is usually true, it IS them!

“I think we need a break.” Yeah, a break so you can see other people.

“I’m attracted to someone else. This must mean that we’re not meant to be.” …No, it must mean you don’t think you can keep your pants on any longer! Hopefully he or she is breaking up with you before they take the plunge into enemy territory.

Anyways, no matter what is said, the only information you need to know is that they don’t want to be with you. Unfortunately, there are some very uncool but commonly used methods to get this message across.

One method is the ‘non-break-up break-up’. I also call this the ‘High School break-up’ because you just stop contacting the person. We’ve all been there, right? It leaves a person wondering… Did I say something wrong? Was there something about me? In this case you can substitute the excuse "It’s not you it’s me" and not take it personally.

Another spin on this type of break-up is where he or she doesn’t tell you that you’re broken up, but tells everyone else! How did actress Minnie Driver discover that her boyfriend Matt Damon had ended their relationship? He told Oprah on her TV show! Talk about being the lastto know! Even better, just date someone else and not tell the other person… Like how Billy Bob Thornton ended his common law relationship with Laura Dern; he just up and married Angelina Jolie! (Can you blame him really?)

Of course there are the times when the break-up happens but you continue seeing each other. This circumstance benefits mostly one party - the one who doesn't want to commit. They can have all the relationship “perks” without the responsibility. Writer Greg Behrent says, “Breaking up is never seeing them again, and that means never seeing them naked again.” At least when the person cheats on you, a break-up is inevitable, or should be! I knew someone who dated a guy for YEARS and found out he’d had another girlfriend for MONTHS. However, they continued seeing each other due to his unwavering persistence. This was handy for him; he could just go back for the “perks”. Last I heard he said he broke-up with the other girl as well, he must have put her on the perks-plan too… This guy is pathologically brilliant!

Treating a break-up without respect is never a good idea. I’ve heard of breaking up over the phone, by email and even by fax! This is only slightly less rude than the non-break-up break-up. It reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City when Burger broke up with Kerry by post-it note. When she woke in the morning he was gone, with a post-it stuck on her computer that read, “I just can’t do this. Sorry. Burger.”

I guess he figured he was using one of his “Get out of Relationship Free” cards.

Break-ups are a difficult change to deal with. It can be tough to do the simple things such as get out of bed, have a shower or brush your teeth. Your face may still be too puffy to feel like you can leave the house without being mistaken for the elephant man, but you've got to do it! I say, enjoy your freedom! Look at the positive. Anything less could have dire consequences, such as a restraining order against you. Remember, stalking is only romantic (and legal) if the other person wants to be with you. And even though dreaming of revenge is the only joy you might allow yourself at this time, you must RESIST! And whatever you do, don’t drink and dial.

There’s no doubt that breaking up is hard to do. If you open my journal you’ll find it riddled with break-up carnage. However, in looking back I can agree with relationship expert Iyanla Vanzant who said, “You must remember that just when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place, the divine place they should be for everyone involved.” And if his divine place is wreaking havoc on someone else’s life, then count your blessings!

In the end, I believe, it all comes down to one simple truth, if he or she is leaving you, no matter how it comes down, they’re doing you a favour…