My Rearview

I’ve got BIG problems with my butt (pun intended). Always have. Well, at least since the first time I took a small mirror and looked into it at my ass in the mirror behind me (we call it a ‘butt mirror’). At the time I was literally shocked at my ass. I looked skinny from the front, how can a monstrosity such as that not show from the front view?

Yep. Ever since I’ve had a ‘thing’ about my butt. It’s actually my thighs that are at the root of the problem, literally. I pretty much just don’t like my rear view at all. Everyone knows this. I even take a compact with me shopping, so that I can use the little mirror as a butt mirror. I also like to take HONEST friends shopping with me. Friends that admit, “trust me, don’t buy those”. And cranking your head around doesn’t do the trick; you need full-on butt mirror.

So my friends are honest. No offence taken. I was even telling a friend of mine the other day that I had eaten too much and was really bloated, so bloated in fact that my stomach was huge. He said, “You mean it’s so huge that people mistake it for your butt?” Haha. Another friend sang a song about my ass. I guess that’s a compliment. To top it all off, I thought I was wearing ass-flattering pants out the other night and a guy on the street walked by and turned to me and said “baby’s got back.” Geezuz!

It’s ok. However, NO ONE will ever see my butt sans clothing. Ever. I envy the Cameron Diaz’s of the world that can shake their little itty-bitty tushies on the big screen. But not me... not me and my juicy doubles.