Missing her

I missed her the moment she took her last breath.

I saw the life leave her body. I saw them take her away. But how can she be gone, just like that? One day she’s with us, the next she’s not. It doesn’t make sense.

Now it’s been two weeks… And I don’t know how to find her. I see her in photos. Songs remind me of her. I remember her smiling face, her sweet voice, her warm hands holding mine. I want to remember more, every second I was privileged to be with her. I want to relive every moment. To feel the happiness of being in her presence. To laugh as a family when she was there laughing with us.

We knew those were great moments, but now they’re so unbelievably precious.

Memories of her only make me miss her more. My heart aches to be near her. When will I get to see her again? This can’t be it. How can a heart yearn for something that will never be? It doesn’t seem real. It can’t be permanent. It can’t be possible that she’s not at home with Dad like any normal evening. It can’t be true that she won’t be there to give me a big smiling hug when I arrive and an extra long tearful hug when I have to go. It can’t be possible that she’s not there to fill every corner of that house with love.

It didn’t matter what we did together, we were together and that was enough. But it’s not lasting long enough. There’s no way to make it last long enough. I need more of her.

She's my mom. How can she just be gone? Time may eventually fade the hurt, but please don’t take away my memories of her. She can’t just fade away. My memories are the only thing I have when I miss her. And oh how I miss her so.

Ramblings from a messy desk... and even messier head

Optimism.
The other day I told someone that my brain was half empty. But I'm an optimist, so I like to think of of my brain as half full...

Dating.
I always forget the meaning of 'later' as in when a guys says, "call you later". In girlspeak, it means "later TODAY"... in boyspeak it could mean 'later today' (not likely), 'later this week' or even 'later, in our next life'.

Pedestrians.
Why are they so stunned? Could they walk any slower across the street while everyone WAITS? Some of them even run to get to the crosswalk and then revert to slow-mo as they cross. The music playing in my car even slows down as I wait. Sometimes I clean my car, make a few phone calls and paint my nails while they cross. People, snap out of it!

Cars.
Well, I totalled my car for the umpteenth time. Yeah, that's right: umpteenth. My little Honda gave in like it was made of tin foil. Oh yeah, I think it might be. The guy who hit it was Asian, 82 years old and didn't speak English. His car (the torpedo/tank) was unharmed during the incident. Freakin indestructible. Methinks my next car should be a 1995 Volvo.

Vitamin C.
I love vitamin C pills. Chalk full of fake orange goodness. Yum. Hmm, maybe that's why my dentist asked why there was no more enamel on my molars...

Nectarines.
Why do I always get suckered into buying them at the grocery store? Every effen year. Somehow they go straight from rock hard to rotten. Every effen time. Slow learner.

Ice Cream.
I figured out why my Dad has ice cream left in the freezer from when I visited two weeks ago. This had me puzzled. The trick? Keep the freezer so cold that it's literally impossible to scoop more than half a centimetre of ice cream out at a time. Pretty soon you give up. And then try to straighten out the spoon handle.

Quote of the Day.
"I'm trying to turn down the suck in my life, and turn up the awesome." - Jensies

Optimism, again, sorta.
And if at first you don't succeed, keep tryin' (to turn down the suck). Someone please tell me, where's the freakin' knob already???

My Mama

Ok, so this is my submission for the Yo Mama contest (I already emailed them in, so keep your grimy paws off'em!!!):

You mama is so scary, she makes mimes scream!

Yo mama is so scary, she's ruined the livelihood of thousands of mimes!

Yo mama is so scary, even Stephen King has nightmares about her!

Yo mama is so hairy, she has to get a her hair done at the pet groomers!

Yo mama is so hairy, she has to stay out of the forest during hunting season!

Yo mama is so big and hairy, she's listed in Wikipedia under "Wookiee"!

Yo mama is so big and hairy, she starred in both "Star Wars" and"Sasquatch, The Legend of Bigfoot"!

Yo mama is such a freak, she's been thrown out of auditions for DeuceBigelow, Extreme Makeover and the Surreal Life!

Whatever, so I'm not as witty as Garner! I had to TRY! You see, I want to win the flowers and those shiny diamonds for my Mama, because she's the bestest mama in the whole entire world!

Kids these days

I will be seeing my neice this week... I imagine this will be very informative as always.

The last time I saw her she pointed out that:

I stunk and needed a shower.
I had exactly 11 zits on my face.
I have hair up my nose.

Not exactly a newsflash there. When she was looking up my nose, I asked if she could see my brain. She said no and then proceeded to explain the physiology behind why you can't see the brain through the nostrils (wow kids learn a lot in elementary school these days). She may take over the "geek of the family" title sooner than I thought...

I also found out that she had a boyfriend, but they didn’t date because he was dating someone else. If that’s the case, then I told her I had several boyfriends... ;)

Oh yeah, she also pointed out that my bum showed every time I bent over in certain jeans and wondered if I was trying to impress the boys. I said, "No! No one wants to see that!"

Well, I guess I'd better pull up my jeans more. And, uh, grow a thick layer of skin before I see her, preferably one without pores or hair on it...

Ouch

I came across this picture recently... Not quite sure who that is. And he can't possibly be related to me. No resemblance there whatsoever.


Wait a minute... maybe there is SOME resemblance.

Ouch. Looking at that thing is painful. I didn't wanna post it, but it's only fair.

Hmm, actually reminds me a wee bit of Fire Marshall Bill.

The Surprise

I got a new computer and have been spending hours on end playing with it.

Check out the little movie I made last night: The Surprise. It's just a little ditty about when my sis and I went to meet our folks at the airport last month.

I'm such a geek...

A Family Show?

Some people have observed that the blog has been edging it's way into the ditch lately (quote, "slow progression towards the pornographic" and "It’s been getting sex centric" and then later "not that I mind").

Anyways, I thought I'd clean it up a bit for today, make it a family show if you will -- my family. Here is an old Christmas picture... Yep, that's me on the bottom left. I didn't realize that the 'up to no good' smirk I often have started it's reign on my face way back then.

Yep, my mom was a hottie (and still is btw). I imagine that she's about my age now in that picture (or perhaps even younger?). Holy, that completely boggles the mind. Mom, you're a total rock star!

P.S. My dad has always kind of looked like he was in the mafia. That was ok, no one messed with us. He looks pretty friendly in that picture though... Looks like happy times, even my sister is smiling!