Step away from the container

I just ate over half a tub of Häagen-Dazs® Dulce de Leche ice cream. Damn that's some good stuff! I should know better than to eat straight from the container. Duh. At 2.4 calories per ml, that's a whopping

840 calories!

WAIT. No WAY. That's almost half a day's worth of calories in a few heavenly mouthfuls! That seems so unfair.

This really isn't going to help with my butt complex.

Ok so now I'm eating a bowl of bran cereal to try to undo the damage. Hopefully this doesn't have any untoward side effects... What, exactly, am I attempting to acheive with the bran? Steatorrhea? Oh God, I hope not.

Either way, at this point my options aren't sounding too good. Oh, and according to an article Jen just sent me, I could get pregnant more easily: Ice Cream May Boost Fertility.

Things could get interesting around here. Who knew that a tub of ice cream could bring on such turmoil?

Do I look as bad as I feel?

The lady in that photo LOOKS exactly how I FEEL some days. If my inner emotions could be expressed outwardly, this is how I'd appear to everyone. Eeek!

It's not a good feeling.

In fact, some days it's almost like I've got crooked glasses, a stunned look on my face and drumsticks on my head, and no one is telling me.

I know what you'd say to that... "Paranoid much?"

No! Haha.

Why, is there something you know that I don't?

ad-lib muppets

When Rose was here, we were at the toy store looking for gifts for her nephews. We found ourselves suddenly transfixed by Alfred and Poohead, a charming pair of muppets who live at the store. Basically, I admit, we're weird. It would have helped if we didn't laugh at everything we came up with. Anyways, I had fun putting it together. Enjoy, I think...

Wolfmother rocked

For a 3 man band, they made a lot of noise!

It felt a bit like the 70s...

That is, if I'd been to a rock concert in the 70s, this is probably what it wouldve been like.

Rose & Crown - Banff

Me and the two birthday girls...

Happy Birthday Rose and Lisa!

Breaking even on the winter tires

Recently, and for the first time ever, I bought winter tires. Expensive... to the tune of 450 bones. It hurt. However, my deductible is $500 and so far I've avoided countless accidents, so I figure they've already paid for themselves.

Not sure if that's just because I'm driving like a stunt chick or what.

The Summit!

A few of us were in Banff this past weekend and of course you can't go to Banff and NOT do some mountain climbing. It was awesome, I got some great shots when we got to the summit.

This is the view... it was breathtaking. The next shot is of one of the guys (I didn't ask his permission to post this, that's why I've concealed his identity.) So after I took this photo, I asked him to take mine. It's not every day that you climb a huge mountain and reach the peak, in the dead of winter no less...

So this is the photo he took of me...

Yeah... I took HIS photo in such a way that it didn't look like we were PRETENDING to have climbed this huge mountain to the incredible summit. I didn't realize until AFTERWARDS that he not only got the fence in the shot, but also what can easily be identified as the Sulfur Mountain Gondola in the background! Yeah, I'm soooooo cool. Thanks man.

It was a pretty awesome view though. I'd recommend it.

Cute is what we aim for?

I stumbled across this band a while ago- Cute Is What We Aim For. Not sure about their music... but I got a kick out of one guy's hair.

That's the closest thing I've seen to a young version of the Donald EVER! Wow, I'm speechless.

Are ya sure cute is what you're aiming for there buddy?

Dear Dog...

Normally, this board displays the drink specials... Last night it was a different story.

Click image to enlarge.

... And little did we know but they were having karaoke. That was almost enough to keep me away. In the end, Jen and I crooned out some Bif. Normally, the couple of times I've sang, I stunk up the place so bad that I had to race out of the place afterwards. But last night I can't conclude anything either way. Except that we had some fun. It was a good one-drink outting.

I started laughing a couple of times while we were singing because I hadn't realized how cheesy the lyrics were before. Oh yeah, we was angry, real angry biatches! (not)

You left me like a broken doll... In pieces as I took the fall for you, you dumb chump! You left me free-falling like space junk burning up in the atmosphere of life... Well I sound like a philosopher but I'm a fool who's off her rocker... 'Cause I let you in my heart that one last time... I've had enough, made up my mind... I'm gonna get up and out and wahhh!... I love myself today. Not like yesterday... I'm cool, I'm calmI'm gonna be okay! Uh huh... I love myself today... Not like yesterday... Take another look at me now... 'Cause it's your last look... Your last look forever!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I always have something to say (i.e. 'go off about') regarding Valentine's Day... So why post another rant? You can check out some past posts here:

2005 rant: Ah, the dreaded VD...

2006 rant: Flowers = BJ? NO WAY!

2007 rant: Wise Words about VD

So yeah, I don't have much more to say, except that this holiday is becoming like New Year's Eve for me. No, I don't mean it's become this race to get pissed and find someone to kiss! I mean that the expectations are completely dropped and it's just nice to have a lovely evening with someone ya like. When you spend your TIME with people, it says more than spending any amount of money.


By the way, if you wanna copy this picture and email it to your honey, feel free... CHEESEBALL! Hahaha.

Top Ten Worst Sounds

A friend of mine mentioned that he thought a dentist's drill ranked in the 10 worst sounds. Hmmm, I'd put it at #2.

Here is my full list:

10. The high pitched sound of flourescent lights.
9. Cracking of bones, joints or knuckles (on a similar vein, crushing a beetle- eww I HATE that, can't do it).
8. The most annoying sound in the world (originated by Jim Carrey).
7. Someone having a blowout in the can (the splatter sound is just RUDE).
6. Metal on any other surface (i.e. fork hitting a tooth... yikes).
5. Someone throwing up (particularly the cat at about 5am).
4. A chain saw.
3. A kid screaming his/her lungs out.
2. Dentist drill.

... and the worst sound ever?

1. My former roomie Flo singing, if you can call it that. Sorry Flo.

Seriously, though, the cats used to RUN and hide... It actually sounded similar to #3, but with words and something that vaguely resembled a melody.

The Nap Index has reached dangerous levels

Garner Andrews, from the morning show of the same name on Sonic 102.9, has developed a "Nap Index." You can view it on his blog or listen to the show to find out what the NI is for that day. To fully understand the concept, you need to read the post about it here. I felt compelled to comment because I believe there should be a disclaimer or warning system in place when the NI gets too high.

WARNING: A Nap Index over 9.75 may result in drowsiness and/or dizziness. If you experience drowsiness or dizziness, avoid these activities. Use caution when driving, operating machinery, or performing other hazardous activities. Avoid alcohol during this time. Alcohol may increase drowsiness and dizziness caused by an extremely high Nap Index. Other side effects may include sleepiness, dizziness, confusion, a slow heart beat, difficulty breathing, difficulty walking and talking, an appearance of being drunk, and unconsciousness. Note that napping may be habit forming. Physical and/or psychological dependence can occur, and withdrawal effects are possible if one stops suddenly after days of prolonged napping. Rebound insomnia may occur at night on days when the NI is extremely high.

I strongly believe that it could seriously impair judgment and basic daily functioning if the NI edges up there... Frankly, a 9.3 is definitely pushing the envelope for me today. I wonder if it could be used as a defense in court for car accidents and such. Ah, no problem for me though, my narcolepsy is still under control, even at 9.3.

Just gonna just go maaake soooomee ccc o f ffff eeeeeee

Huh? Whaaaa? Oh yeah, coffee.

No idea what's going on?

I stumbled on this photo today and posted it as my msn display picture. Jen looks hilarious and I figured it was too small for people to tell that I was uh, kinda drunk. But I guess it was more obvious than I thought...

DB says: wow .... not sure what to say about that pic
Michie says: haha, my friend Jen, there's not many pix where she looks normal... and you can't tell with it that small, but i look pretty wasted
DB says: oh I can tell
Michie says: you can?
DB says: very much so
Michie says: whatever dood
DB says: Look at you!!!! all pie eyed and that grin that you obviously had no idea what was going on... u look gunned .... she kinda looks like ... yeah ... no comment. lets just say ...... not one for the family album.

Oh well, I still love it. It's one of those that makes me chuckle a little every time I look at it.

Um yeah, this is another photo from that night. Nah, we weren't drinking AT ALL.

Ok who's the goofball in my beer shot? Hmm? Oh I wonder...

Ok I was feeling bad about Jen's pic and told her I'd put a nicer one up to counteract the effect of the "hideous" one above (as she called it)... So there it is.

Are ya happy now Jen???

TicTac in the Laundry Room

I wonder if it went through the wash. No it couldn't have. Otherwise it would be partially dissolved. It doesn't look dissolved. And it wouldn't get through a load of laundry without dissolving, even in a pocket.

Ah, I don't think I wanna eat it anyways.

Surfing Video- BEYOND Cool

I love board sports and if I can't pull off the stunts myself, then I'm definitely watching. I cannot fully express the awesomeness of this video. You may think that putting it to music would make it even better, but the thunder from that mountain of water must be heard to be fully appreciated!



Didn't I tell ya? You crapped your pants, didn't you?

I just watched it to Paddle Out by The Ziggens (remake of Sublime tune)... It works.

Clothes mandatory, please.

Remember that classic Seinfeld episode where Jerry's girlfriend kept doing stuff around his apartment in her birthday suit and he was getting more and more disturbed by it? I have to agree that nudity is nice and all, but has its place. Don't get me wrong, I've written several blog posts on male gratuitous nudity and I'm all for it (with certain caveats of course- i.e. he must not be a relative or a creepy weirdo, he needs to take reasonable care of his grooming, hygeine and health, he's preferably under 300lbs and 50years old, etc... and the fewer of these caveats that are met, the more brief or non-existent the episode needs to be).

Anyways, there are simply certain activities that people should only participate in with at least some covering-up. When I think about these activities, running, bench-pressing and doing squats definitely rank way up there. Apparently, though, a Dutch gym has decided to forego all sensibility and hold training sessions for nudists (story: Gym strips off for training in the buff).

YIKES.

A few questions come to my mind:

1) Who were the ad wizards who came up with this one? Seriously, I'd like to be in that meeting.
"We'll call them 'nudifit sessions'... C'mon people, this is the solution to not one, but two problems... First of all, the staff have been a bit down lately, even bored with their mundane jobs. They are no longer finding the feeble girl trying to lift the 2.5lb weight, the muscle-monkey's loud echoing grunts or the women working out in full-on hair and make-up very entertaining anymore. Lord knows that rigging the treadmills to suddenly go at high speed and send people flying or greasing up the floor before the aerobics class would be highly entertaining but at the same time it's sure to pose a bit of a legal quandry. Secondly, there's a huge untapped nudist market out there- that is, people who work out in the buff. As a result, we feel that these 'nudifit sessions' will nicely solve all our issues in just one hour a day... Entertaining our staff while providing a service to the compulsively butt-baring public."

2) Are there enough nudists to inspire a demand for this sort of thing?

3) Do nudists actually work out? That's not the impression I get from the stories I've heard about the types of folks that frequent nude beaches.

3) How do women run without a sports bra? Ouch. Good Lord.

4) The equipment... A disinfectant strong enough to cleanse my brain of the mental pictures of what was perched on the bike or the bench before me simply does NOT exist. And disposable covers wouldn't do it, it would have to be disposable equipment. Can you say "ballsweat"?

Ewww.

Office Jungle

I dunno, the Superbowl ads don't seem as good this year? Although CareerBuilder.com may have done it again with their Office Jungle series, pretty good. I still like the old ones with the chimps best.




Must admit, the K-Fed one was funny... check it here.

And the David Letterman/Oprah one was worth a chuckle (here), esp knowing their history.

Insults

As usual, on Saturday mornings I like to read The Dilbert Blog while I eat brekky and drink my yummy coffee. This morning I discovered an insult I don't remember hearing before- autofellating. It was in this context (and from this post):

My philosophical noodlings on this blog, and in a few of my books, has produced wonderfully entertaining angry reactions from people who – and this is just a guess – are self-important, humorless, autofellating, ass hats.

Haha. Is that like calling someone a cocksucker, but of their own? That's so classic.

Ass hat has it's own peculiar flavour. Like, what is an ass hat exactly? If I was to imagine an ass with a hat, in reality the only hat an ass really wears is underwear or perhaps diapers? So is it a person with an ass for a face and a diaper or underwear on their head? Haha, ok that was a bad attempt to understand that one. Hmm... then does it mean they wear an ass on their head like a hat? Or maybe they are wearing a hat akin to a dunce cap, and it says ass on it?

Oh geez, perhaps this is another of my Jessica Simpson moments. I have no idea what it means! Someone please explain...

Boys in Toques

Well, today being Friday, I thought a frivolous post was in order. I know I know, they're all frivolous!

Most people know that I occasionally post pictures of hot men in order to even out the objectification of one particular sex out there. So, let's talk about boys in toques shall we? Here are a few pictures that... make me feel uh ... happy.

Not bad not bad. Wait a second... Who the? Who is that meathead on the bottom righthand corner there?!? Good Lord.

Anyways, it's no secret that I find a cute boy wearing a toque all that much more adorable. My friends know about my toque fetish and have bugged me in the past for dating boys because they caught my attention a la toque. I don't know what it is. And this guy is no exception. Ok man, hand the toque over! Hand it over now before somebody gets hurt!

The Surprise

I got a new computer and have been spending hours on end playing with it.

Check out the little movie I made last night: The Surprise. It's just a little ditty about when my sis and I went to meet our folks at the airport last month.

I'm such a geek...

Wise words about VD

If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it... If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey... It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter... She won't get sick if you wrap your dick... If you go into heat, package your meat... Cuff your carrot before you share it...

Err, that wasn't quite what I meant, but it got your attention didn't it!? I was actually referring to the impending Valentine's Day of course (the stores are already shoving it down our throats) ... And yeah, every year I make the SAME joke. Is it getting old yet?

John Lennon said, "We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant.... You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it."

The problem is that a lot of people suck at caring for plants! They don't water it until they finally notice that it's wilting, about to enter that botanical garden in the sky, going leaf to leaf with the greenery grim reaper. Then they drown the thing in an attempt to bring it back from that kind of action. This attempted drowning is akin to Valentine's Day.

C'mon folks, just water your plants REGULARLY. We don't need a commercial holiday (especially one that doesn't come with a day off) to remind us to take care of our love lives... and at the same time make both singles and couples all over the world feel like losers because no one can live up to the hype.