Why I wear board shorts

Photo: TMZ.com

I'm not a frequenter of gossip sites, but after reading Jennifer Love Hewitt's comments on this butt shot of herself, I had to check it out. I feel bad for her. No one wants their badonkadonk on display like that for the whole world to see. Good for her I say! She says she loves her body and that rocks.

However, this is exactly why I wear board shorts and not bikini bottoms. Ya see, problem areas all covered up!

Photo: KillerDana.com

If you read this blog ever, you know about my rear-end issues. After seeing that photo I may feel bad for Miss Hewitt, but I feel good for the rest of us girls. All we ever see out there in the media regarding the female form is perfection. Men, on the other hand, see many more naked female bodies than us straight women ever do, perhaps that's why they're much less "picky" about our perceived imperfections. Or, as one male friend of mine said - if you're looking at a set of naked boobs, you're just happy to have naked boobs in front of you and not so picky about what they look like. Good point.

Frankly, I don't think seeing people at their worst is nice at all, we don't need that. But I do think it's refreshing to see REAL. Just a peek at the un-professionally dressed and makeup-ized, un-photoshopped/airbrushed versions of real people would be quite fine thank you!

As for me... Bikini bottoms may be cute on cute bottoms, but I'll be the girl on the right, thank you very much!

Photo: MsOutdoor.com

So um yeah... while I was cruising board shorts, I kinda ran across these photos. And well, you know my policy on gratuitous male nudity? Ahem, and if not then you do now!

Photo: Swim-Shop.com

Yowzers! ... I do prefer board shorts over any kind of skivvies on men, but I'm not going to complain! Nope.

I must be old

In this photo: Random concert-goer dude.

Yep. It's a dude. Wearing skinny jeans. Very very skinny jeans. I seriously don't know how he gets his ankle through there. Must use a cleverly applied shoe horn. Or something.

I just don't 'get' it. I'm even into that scene: punk/emo. I like it. But sorry man, that is NOT hot. Even if you're scrawnsville enough to pull it off (in other words, you don't look like you have two ice cream cones for legs)... it's still not hot!

Oh well, I'm sure he doesn't really care what an old lady thinks anyways. Uh oh, maybe I'm becoming one of those people who goes off about the current fashion while still feathering their mullet, sportin' a neon half-shirt with tapered pleated acid wash jeans and granny boots. I heard that people stay stuck in the fashion era they felt they looked the best. I have to wonder who looked best in that shit though. Hmm.

Oh geez, I hope not. But I'm not jumping on the fashion victim bandwagon right away either. It's a ploy by the fashion industry to change the styles so we have to keep buying clothes!!!

Bastards.

I wasn't ready for flared jeans to go out of style dammit!

Oh boy, I'm getting revved up now. I was watching a show the other day and the metrosexual fashion guy in-the-know was talking about sunglasses. Designer sunglasses. Can you say $200 a pair? He said you need several pairs, to fit your mood/outfit. Then he added that the styles are changing all the time and you have to stay 'updated' with the new styles. WTF? Tell me PLEASE, who has that much fricken cash lying around to update SEVERAL pairs of sunglasses EVERY year? I can't afford one pair every five years, let alone five pairs every year!

And that's JUST SUNGLASSES. What about shoes, pants, shirts, accessories.... blah blah blah blah buuuuuullllllllsssshhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

My mind is officially BLOWN. WTF do these people DO for a living? Good God.

Jeans'n Tee Girl

I bought some T-shirts online recently. Jen put me onto this site a while ago, and my resistance finally crumbled miserably (and yet joyfully at the same time). Lord knows I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl at heart and I've been trying not give into my addiction. Oh well.

Here are some of the ones that made me chuckle. You should go check it, click here: Threadless.






The last one cracked me up so much that I bought it. hehe. Oh but wouldn't it be funny to wear the 'cowboys suck' on at the bar during Stampede... Arrgh, that would be scandalous! I love it!

In appreciation of Aussies

On our last night in Vegas, we had a girl's night out. Of course I was curious about the Thunder from Down Under, and dropped hints to this nature. Mom agreed to go. It was loud, both because of the music and all the girls screaming. It was fun though. The guys could REALLY dance, even breakdancing, which I love to watch. Their bodies weren't too hard on the eyes either. I developed a wee little crush on the one guy (that's him, second from the RIGHT... bald guy, surprise surprise). Sure he had a nice body, but it was his smile, dance moves and jokeyness that drew me in. We stayed to watch girls get their photos taken with the boys, but I refused get one taken with them. It felt... tacky. I would have if my mom had agreed to as well, but I was too shy to go on my own. Of course, now that I'm blogging about it, the tacky is out in the open and I should have the picture to show for it!

If you go to their website, you can watch a video for Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy and my favourite bald man is in it :) Incidentally, that was the last song they danced to during the show, and I admit - dripping with cheese and all - it was a bit of a guilty pleasure to watch. BTW, they do not do full monty... and as much as I'm all FOR equality of the sexes, I'm kind of glad. Unlike female strip shows for "gentlemen", gentlewomen look for something different. It stayed fun instead of being dirty. We don't really need to see that shit!

In parousing the site, I came across this picture of Jimmy Kimmel with the Thunder and it cracked me up. He's just so damn sexy!

Um, what's with his package though? I have to wonder if he isn't sporting the new "Wonderjock" underwear from aussieBum. He looks a little, uh, enhanced.













You see aussieBum has finally evened out the playing field for men, in that they can now buy the equivalent of those padded Wonderbras that women have been wearing to enhance their own assets... If you want to get more info on these undies, check out the ad (see this video, seriously check it out ladies).
















This ad is definitely edgy and caused it's own stir on top of the stir the underwear itself already caused...




They say:

"Is it wrong to have American guys by the balls (mind you we're working through all the other countries as well). Are we still living in a day and age where freedom of expression is squashed? If anything we're simply putting it out there for the world to see and decide for themself. In the coming weeks we'll be displaying alot of the media coverage. Not only is it absolutely entertaining it does prove that a guys size does matter. Here's another bit of trivia. Guess who the biggest buyer of the 'Wonderjock' was over the festive season? It was women. Perhaps they know something their man does not. It's our reality... so enjoy it."


I really don't have any complaints about the ads. None whatsoever.

Kudos to Dove

An awareness by the general public about how much adjustment is done to women in print is long overdue. And even before all the tweaking is done to the photo, you can be they started with the best photo out of many many rolls of film. And before that, some of those girls were surgically enhanced as well! Us 'real' girls just can't compete! Just thought I'd give a shoutout to Dove for it. Check out the video on the Dove website at the bottom of this post... if you haven't already.

		The Dove Self Esteem Fund is proud to present this powerful 1 minute short film revealing the illusions behind the"beauty" we see everyday in the media. It's a little reminder that even supermodels don't look like supermodels.

The Manpurse

Jo: Nate, can I ask you personal question?

Suddenly Nate wondered if someone had spilled his deepest darkest secrets to the girl who used to be known as “The Grapevine.”

Nate: Go ahead, shoot Jo.

Jo: What’s with the manpurse Nate?

You see, lately Nate’s been carrying a manpurse. Ok, it’s a bag, but technically it’s still a purse. Don’t get me wrong; it’s fairly masculine, almost cool in a hippyesque kind of way… That is, cool in the same sense that Nate’s kilt is cool, you don’t see that every day in these parts. It’s got all the features of a kilt but it’s not tartan, so you end up wondering if it’s a kilt or a skirt. But hey, at The Black Dog anything goes. That’s what we love about it… and about Nate.

Turns out that Jo wasn’t as curious about WHY Nate carried a purse as she was about what was IN the purse. It appeared to be totally empty. Boys don’t tend to carry makeup, hair brushes/product or, ahem, feminine protection so... WHAT WAS IN IT!?!

He wouldn't reveal. Alas, the manpurse shall forever remain a mystery.

What's your bra size?

Could she say it any louder?

Every time I go bra shopping, the salesperson shouts that question, and I’m only two feet away! In fact, she asks it so loudly that the whole room is suddenly hushed in anticipation of the answer.

So it seems.

And then I feel weird whispering it like it’s some kind of clandestine secret. I mean, I’m sure people have some idea of size by having a glance-ola in that general area, but to announce the exact size when strangers or a friend can hear kind of sucks. It’s not so bad when that happens only in front of your boyfriend, because he already has a pretty darn good idea about the size. He probably doesn’t know how it translates into exact specs though. He probably knows it more in terms of “a mouthful”, “a handful”, “two-hand luke” or “my head gets lodged between those giant watermelons!” Ahem, I doubt that last description has been used before, it was something that popped into my head just now, hehe. Hmm, perhaps knowing the exact size would just give him more solid bragging rights. That’s right Joe, I said a healthy, overflowin’ double D… Did ya hear that? DOUBLE D.

Us girls never brag about our boyfriends like that. Ahem…

Announcing my bra size to the world is almost as embarrassing as confessing my age and weight to the guy in the ski shop in front of the boy I’m dating and his friends. I usually shroud that info in mystery (and for good reason, yikes). I’ve even won a few prizes fooling the guy at the ‘guess your weight, guess your age’ booth at the Fair (that’s pretty much the only thing I can win there, although I love to whack those pesky little moles). However, three things prevent me from playing that Fool the Guesser game ever again. 1) You have to admit your real age/weight and I haven't uttered the truth in years. I don't know if my mouth can even form those particular words anymore. 2) He guessed wrong once on my weight: TOO HIGH. I moped around with my tail between my legs for hours afterwards. And finally, 3) The prizes suck. I wouldn’t buy that shit at the dollar store so why pay to try and “win” it?

Blah blah blah. You get my point. I don’t wanna advertise my bra size to anyone, thank you very much! Like everything else, just let me live in my fantasy world... And in my case that happens to be a world with padded underwire push-up bras.