Cougar sighting

I got this email today...

<====== DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE ======>
<====== IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION OR INQUIRES - PLEASE CALL CAMPUS SECURITY SERVICES ======>
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On (Thursday) Aug 31, 2006 at 2 am, the Edmonton Police Service advised that there was an unconfirmed sighting of a cougar in the area of Stadium Car park and R.C.M.S (116 Street-89/91 Ave). Again, this information is unconfirmed however we feel that the community should be informed. In the event that a cougar is sighted on campus contact Campus Security Services immediately or the EPS.

And here I didn't think anyone had spotted me. Oh, except the group of people that looked at me and took off. Hmm. Come to think of it they did look a bit scared.

Geez, I knew I was getting to be quite a bit older than all the other kids, but I never realized it was this bad. Denial is a buggah.

That elusive cheese...

I definitely feel like the little mouse some days, sans helmet. The cheese is there, larger than life and so close I can smell it. I'd better get me one of those helmet thingies, and soon...

Gum

I was looking at the ingredients on some chewing gum… It really doesn’t seem like it should be edible.

Sorbitol
Maltitol
Gum base (what the?)
Mannitol
Natural flavor
Silicon dioxide
Magnesium stearate
Sucralose
Titanium dioxide

Good thing it has “natural flavor” rather than artificial flavour. Phew! Dodged a bullet there! I suppose most of it isn’t ingested anyways. You chew it, it releases flavour and then the rest is hucked out.

I also noticed that it’s made in China. There’s a lot of shit made in China, even food products I guess. Now think about it, if they wanted to “off” us over here on the other side of the world, they really wouldn’t need nuclear weapons. They could just throw a little sumthin toxic into the millions of products they make for our daily consumption.

Because, even IF it was on the ingredient list and IF people actually looked at the ingredients, who would pick it out?

INGREDIENTS: Sorbitol, maltitol, gum base, mannitol, natural flavor, silicon dioxide, magnesium stearate, cyanide, sucralose, titanium dioxide.

And if they got the cyanide from a natural source, they could just call it “natural flavor”… right?

...

UH OH.

What's in the sausage?

The other day after school I went for a ride and scouted out this spot for our picnic/bbq tomorrow. Nice eh? Just have to snag it somehow...

Today at the Farmer's Market I picked up some turkey sausage for the occasion. I'm not a huge fan of eating animals, and even less of a fan of eating sausage... so put the two together and I'm not 100% sure why I bought it! I was perfectly happy with the prospect of eating a veggie dog. I don't know what it is about sausage... Have you ever seen it being made? There's this sludge made from God knows what body parts that they stuff into this film that looks like a thin layer of skin or even gut epithelium. They could literally put anything in there: shredded cardboard, sewage and even hurl, and as long as they added the right spice mix it would still taste fine and you'd be none the wiser.

I wonder sometimes when I buy "homemade" stuff, what exactly has gone into it. I guess that goes with any prepared foods. I bought prepared dahl makhani once and it had a thick curly black hair in it. I discovered this only AFTER I'd eaten half of it. Ewww. I haven't bought any foods from that particular company since!

So the sausage I bought has salsa and cheese in it. I hope that doesn't mean that the guy making it had been to Julio's Barrio the night before for nachos and then drank a few too many margaritas!

Ramblings of a sleep-deprived Birdhead

Today I have a guest blog post for you!!!

I don't know what it is, but sleep deprivation seems to be rampant amongst me and some of my friends lately. It does weird things to the a person's mental stability. Birdhead's email ramblings the other day totally killed me so I've posted it here for your enjoyment! (With her permission;)

Good morning for you hopefully - but not for me AGAIN! It's Day 28 of no sleep - I need a thicker coat of undereye circle concealer - does it come in "matte yellow"? I also have eye puffiness - thats due to me washing our feather pillows - they're now flat cement blocks - THANKS Ralph Lauren -your label says they're washable!

You know when they say "when it rains it pours" the sleep deprivation isn't just from worrying about the condo - it's also because Sydney's 1st molars are all erupting at the same time, she's been waking me a couple times per night for the last month, my teenage neighbor watches loud TV until 2am in his bedroom which is 2 feet from my bedroom window every night (when does highschool start up?) and I've been hearing strange noises while I'm laying awake at night (thought it might be a ghost) it scares the crap out of me but it's the kid next door pouring out his piggy bank - counting his coins.

The first night of silence I had to wake up at 6am - take my dad for cataract eye surgery - the next day was a repeat for the post-op check up! Also Lee has spent alot of time playing or watching golf on his new large screen TV and all the household chores that he's responsible for are piling up, like the broken screen, door, garbage, recycling...

If you hear on the news that a Calgary woman killed her neighbor and all of her family - you know it was me!

Have a good day!

More on male nakedness

This guy at Rugbyfest really was naked. Although a few of us definitely wanted him to put his clothes BACK ON!!! All too often this is the case when a guy takes off his clothes in public. Overall though, the event was superb for male gratuitous nudity.

I know I know, I could do a whole blog on male nakedness, and yes, I've already spent several posts on this topic in some form or another.

Was he naked?

Neked Neighbour

Freedom of Shlong (all day long)...

The Fat Guy

Canadian Girls: ENJOY!

As I've said before, I need to continue to level the playing field in this regard. There are so many movies, videos, internet sites and clubs out there with naked women... but not so much for us girls. I heard recently that the movie Beerfest has a lot of boobies in it. Figures. Now, Beerfest is a movie I might have gotten a kick out of, except I know it's going to be the whole cliche of beer swilling dawgs and scantilly clad body/sex-flaunting women (an extended beer commercial if you will)... I can't relate. I mean, I love to have myself a brewski now and then and even get a bit crazy, but scantilly clad and throwing myself at boys; not gonna happen!

My parents would probably comment that I have no problem finding movies with boys in their birthday suits... And I admit, there was a time for a while when EVERY video I rented coincidentally but uncannily had a man's naked butt in there at some point. It was very strange!!! Pure coincidence, but I didn't complain either.

So with summer coming to a close... I know a lot of the gratuitous male skin-viewing out there will also be tapered down substantially. Ok so... time to level the playing field and objectify someone (ahem, Ryan Reynolds) for your enjoyment ladies!!!

Was he naked?

He was covered in mud... but was he really covered up? I'll never tell...

Gullible kid

Sometimes it's funny what we believe when we're kids...

Those of us who hated tapioca as a child can love it now that we realize it's NOT made of fish eggs. Then some of us will go on to eat fish eggs anyways. Even though they taste like shite. Not me though. And I'm not strolling down the tapioca road too quickly either. Because even if it's not fish eggs, what the hell is it?

I heard someone ask me what Rice Krispies were made of. WTF? Uh, that would be... RICE?

When I was around 6 years old, someone told me that television wasn't real... It was all actors and the stories were fake. What!!!??? I went through every emotion possible! I was shocked, mad, confused, frustrated and then deflated. I could NOT fathom why people would want to watch something fake... Got over that pretty quick after that.

I was a scaredy kid. I did NOT have the guts to go to the washroom in the middle of the night without my brother. Then as soon the the toilet flushed we would make a break for it because snakes would come out of the toilet and chase us. We ran as fast as we could to the bed and leapt onto it and under the covers because monsters would try to grab ANYTHING that may linger near the bottom of the bed... and once under the covers you were safe of course. Seems like a lot of kids are afraid of things under the bed (hey Jen;).

And then there's music... I didn't 'get' some of the more risque lyrics when I was younger. Then years later I'm like, "Oh, so that's REALLY what that means!" (Geez, I can't think of an example right now! Um... rock you all night long?????? I'm pretty sure I had some idea what that meant as a kid. Oh well.)

I still refuse to swallow my chewing gum. Hey, I haven't seen proof that it doesn't stay in your stomach for 7 years!

My dad used to tell us that he was an "Indian" and he'd captured my mom from a wagon train. I think I was too young to comprehend (or dispute) that one but he had my older siblings going, especially when he skillfully threw the tomahawk into the tree.

I also believed that someday I'd grow up!!! Woops!

Stubborn Sammy

I was in New York a couple of years ago and met Samuel L. Jackson. I swear that in this photo I was telling him just how BAD the idea of doing a movie about snakes on a plane would be.

As you can see, he wasn't buying it AT ALL.

I thought he was pulling my leg at first. Mr. Samuel L. Jackson doing a movie about SNAKES on a PLANE??? That sounds like the dumbest idea EVER. Just before this I'd actually shoved his B.S. wielding ass in disbelief! Seriously, I was like, "SHUDDUP!!! You are NOT!!!" "I know that sounds crazy," he said, "but I don't give a damn because snakes on a plane just might be the best motion picture to be ever made! It will be THAT good."

Riiiiiiight. I finally got pissed off and left.

Life preserver.... optional?

I wrote this a while ago...

After watching Dr. Phil, Oprah and watching the news, I've come to the conclusion that there are a LOT of freaks in this world.

Which makes me never want to date again.

Ever again.

However my unfailing optimism keeps me going back. Throw me to the sharks because I just can't avoid the deep water... with a couple of open wounds and even holding a large T-bone steak, I jump back in.

GULP!

Someone throw me a life preserver.

Well, the water is deep but I'm still kickin'. So far.

River Valley

I took these photos after my meeting last night, on the bike ride home. Oh how I love my commute!!! 

Dr. Meathead

No dance party for me today. I have to meet with my boss.

Did you hear the one about the shit and the fan??? I don't recommend the two together.

You can just call me Dr. Meathead.

Even though I haven't earned my PhD yet, I've certainly earned an honorary doctorate in Stupidology.






Backstory: A friend of mine has called me 'meathead' for years, and now he says he's going to start calling me 'Dr. Meathead'. Somehow it suits.

Update: My meeting went reasonably well, considering.

A prof I know told me the other day that PhDs are especially tough in the home stretch. He said that having the degree tells people you've been to hell and survived and that it builds character. Yikes. I generally like trips to hot places, but I didn't sign up for that one!!!! And character? Who needs THAT these days??? Sheesh.

Oh well.

It's not easy being a meathead.

Consequences... or whatever

The girl in the lab here loves to blare the country music. Normally I don't care, but I have a low tolerance for it sometimes. Like, I can't believe they STILL play Achy Breaky Heart on the radio. Holy sheet. I thought that song was too tacky for airplay. And today I could NOT believe it when I heard something like, "holy my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer" over and over again coming from the other room. Case in point.

I'm happy when 4pm rolls around, because she's gone and I can blare my own music as loud as I want. Total freedom of drums, air guitar and vocals. Once in a while I get busted by a guy that wanders in around 5pm. I always have to look around the corner and make sure he's not there. On Friday he was gone early. Then Jen walked in unannounced at around 5 and almost caught me mid-funky chicken. Perhaps she didn't believe me that the dance party starts at 4 here! C'mon, it gets friggin' boring, I have to do something!!! (I've yacked about this before.)

I paid for that funky chicken or whatever I was doing the next day.

I couldn't figure out why my back and neck were stiff. I went to my friend's house on Saturday to try to fix his computer. The damn thing had spyware up the yingyang. Damn computer rookies! I'm surprised that it was still kickin'. So I sat there trying to get that shit off it while he watched... uh, and farted.

And farted.

It was pretty rank in his little living room and he couldn't stop laughing. Normally when he farts, it's mostly a noisemaker (that sounds like he just loaded up his pants). For instance, earlier that day we were walking down Whyte Ave and he ripped a loud one and then made an "aahhh" noise kind of like when you have a very cold refreshing drink on a hot day. The people ahead of us heard it clear as day and I turned red and walked a distance from him for a while. I commented that he'd better check his pants.

Luckily most of the time it doesn't smell. Although it doesn't matter if it smells or not, I'm not too keen on sniffing his butt air. When it does smell, it's thick and could probably melt cement. He loves to wait until it drifts over and makes contact before he says anything. One time his friend called and left a message that he was getting stunk out of the truck. I know the feeling because he waits for the gasping and choking before he opens a window. Sorry man. Guess that's the price you pay to hang with him. It did make me laugh though... perhaps it's funnier when it happens to someone else.

Anyways, so I'm trying to fix his computer while turning green and trying not to lose consciousness. What kind of appreciation is that?!? You'd think he'd try to be nice to me for doing him a favour... but NO, he had to abuse my generosity!!! Well buddy, guess what? It's payback time. Anything you do can and will be used against you in my blog!!!!

Ok, so I got on a tangent there. When I was at my friend's house, I started rockin' out to a tune he was playing and BOOM, shooting neck pain! THAT is why I was sore, it was due to some headbang-type groovin' I was doing the day before. It all came back to me... Y'see, my Friday night dance party had me rockin' out to "Hate to Say I Told you So" by the Hives. That song always gets me going. Why is it that just few little swings of the head like that can make you soooo sore? Rock stars must totally have to do a headbangin' workout before they go on tour.

Well folks, once again I just rambled on about nothing important.

But now it's 4pm. Time to rock out!!! "Da na na na na na na na na na I do believe I told you sooooooooo!" Guess I'll never learn.

Seven times?

I heard someone once say that you need to try something 7 times to figure out if you really like it. She gave the example of snowboarding, how it's tough at first but after 7x you'd know.

Crikey.

There is NO WAY I'm going to do some things more than once or twice (because at twice you're like, yep, I KNEW I wouldn't like it again. For instance, I'm not going to go out with Mr. Rude guy 7x, eat chicken feet 7x, try some torturous sexual position 7x (some things you don't even have to try once to know you won't like it) or even watch a bad TV show 7x (i.e. The Jerry Springer show: was as fascinating as blood and guts for the first 2 and then got tiresome).

Those were just a few examples off the top of my head. There were enough examples right there to prove that her theory is total bunk. Yep... a definite case of 'premature generalization'.

Landis Lala-Land

I bet my old roomie Flo was pissed when another American won the Tour de France.

I bet he’s also shaking his head now that Landis tested positive for synthetic testosterone. “I KNEW it, I KNEW it!!!” I can hear him exclaiming now, at least that would be the English part and it would be undoubtedly be followed by a stream of French expletives.

I saw Landis on Leno yesterday (the rerun of it on Star) and he had a zillion explanations for what could have happened.

However, Sonic newscaster Kory Reid said it best, “Maybe he unknowingly injected himself with something that caused him to test positive, like… synthetic testosterone.”

One thing is sure, someone screwed up. We all make mistakes, but that was a booboo of collossal proportions. Metabolism is a tricky thing... Sometimes we underestimate the time it takes for a foreign substance to clear the body. Sorry buddy. I'm not sure how your lawyers can argue against the science.

Uh, but can you give me their contact info? ... I may need them for my PhD defense!!!

Update: I read an interesting commentary on this thing at JohnBerardi.com. If you're actually interested...

I gotta get me a Magni

I'm falling hardcore in crush with Magni from that show Rock Star Supernova. It was seriously just a matter of time before I talked about it on my blog because I LOVE THAT SHOW! Last night I was cheering and clapping all by myself at home. My faves are Storm and Magni, but Lucas (the lone Canadian) did a great job last night too. That song Creep is an all-time classic and he done good. He's not bad looking when he actually smiles!

I hope the neighbours didn't hear me howling after Magni performed. They may have thought something else was going on;) Freakin' he's hot. Is it his eyes, smile, dreamy voice or the way he loves his family? Man, I'd never get in between that sort of situation. So I don't actually want Magni himself, just someone who looks, sounds and is exactly like him. Haha.

I don't know what it is about musicians that women love... I think it might be that they show their feelings through their music and lyrics. There's nothing hotter than a vulnerable guy... add some nice eyes and the ability to serenade us with love songs and we're hooked.

Go Magni go!!!

People watching

What's with those shoes? Hot damn! Can you buy them that bright or do you need to install some sort of lighting system? They made me chuckle with joy.

As you may know, people-watching is one of my fave sports. It's fascinating and entertaining all at the same time. I admit that I stare and occasionally take pictures of those who intrigue me. Deneen helped me out on this one... she stood like I was photographing her so that I could do the paprazzi thing and not get busted!

One time I almost got majorly busted. When I photographed Neked Neighbor, the flash accidentally went off on my camera. I freaked out for a second until I could conclude that he had NOT, in fact, seen the flash. Oh man, if he would've seen it, lost his cool, forgotten he was neked and moved from behind the BBQ to lip me off and flip me the bird... well I don't even wanna go there!

The worst times for getting busted are in the summer when I'm used to wearing sunglasses that normally hide my eyes. Then I wear eyeglasses and accidentally STARE like I'm wearing shades... Woops! I have to constantly remind myself not to gawk.

The best people watching in Edmonton has to be Blues on Whyte. Oh wait, maybe it's New City Likwid Lounge. New City is where I spotted the male camel-toe sportin' dude (I guess it's called a "moose knuckle" when it comes in larger than life proportions such as that). Unfortunately, I have a knack for noticing train-wreck type shit and pointing it out to the people I'm with at the time. They don't really appreciate it! Sorry. It's a condition. I can't kick it! Or... err, won't?

Mind Purge

I got more sleep last night then I did in the last two put together. I'm half awake and ready to blog! I've been gorging on some ideas lately... are you ready for the purge???

There are now officially about 1024 versions of the song Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. Everyone loves it because we can all relate! In the song he says he thinks he may be crazy and then says you may be too. I guess that makes us all freakin' crazy! (Probably not too far off). My favorite version of the song is Crazy Logic. (The original version is featured on a past post of mine, Gnarls is Gnarly.)

I got a lot of flack about my previous post The Tiny Ant and the Giant Foot. People responded, "What's with the ant post?" (like it was substandard or something) or "Did you get bit by an ant today?" Uh, no. But I saw the little guy down by my foot and he was thinking of making that fateful journey! Stupidass ant!!! And I've been bitten by the buggers many times before. They must know they will die if they make the choice. Maybe ants are like the suicide bombers of the insect world. I was like, "What are you THINKING little ant?" Does that make the ant crazy? Possibly.

I'm always at odds when I go on a date over whether to mention any of my blog topics or even reveal that I have a blog. Recently a guy mentioned that he's a practical joker. Oops. There's the bait for me to tell the story "You didn't just EAT that..." where I got Deneen real good with the fake poo. I told him later that I bet he'd never had a girl mention the word "excrement" on a date before. I figure it's just a matter of time before he drops poo-girl. Hey, I'm a nutritionist! We nutritionists (like the Inuit for word 'snow') have about 1000 words for the 'poo'. The arsenal is ready. Haha, arsenal. Ok then. Guess I just answered my own question... either drop the blog and poo talk, or never ever ever get a second date.

Why is it that whenever I call any communications company, they begin every phone call with "We apologize for any inconvenience, but we are experiencing a larger then usual call volume at the moment..." Coincidence? I think they use that old trick of giving you the bad news first, so that IF they get to you sooner, you're pleasantly surprised. Anyways, it turns out that Rogers Wireless wants to penalize me for being a customer of theirs for 8 years by making me buy a new cell phone. If I sign up as a new customer I get one free. WTF? That's customer appreciation for ya. Guess I'll be shopping elsewhere Rogers.

Did you know that there's a city in the U.S. called Rancho Cucamonga? I love it. It would make me smirk everytime I had to admit I lived there.

I was telling my friend Jen that she gets hit on a lot at the bar. Her reply? It's not a compliment if: 1) the guy is so drunk he can't see straight or 2) it's almost 2am. She has a point. We noticed that at about 1:45 there's a mad scramble to pair up. Then they look at you like you're crazy when you say, "Uh, no thanks" and RUN.

My love of food and my love of clothes is in direct odds with each other. I don't get a large enough paycheque to have my love of clothes keep up with my love of food. Recently I had to explain to a friend what a "muffin top" was. That is, the rolls that hang over your low-rider jeans in a muffin top manner. (He was thinking it was something altogether different). Oh well. Guess I'll be sportin' my muffin top all the way to the Heritage Festival this weekend!!!

See ya!

The Tiny Ant and the Giant Foot

If I was an ant and I somehow found myself standing there beside a giant-sized human foot, what would I do?

Let me tell you what I would NOT do. I would not attempt to CLIMB onto the foot and up the attached giant-sized leg. And then, I can tell you with 100% certainty, I would NOT use my pincers to bite the giant-sized thigh of the giant person.

This is a death wish, little ant.

Fat Pat

There's currently a debate raging amongst my msn messenger friends. The big question?

Is this a male or a female???


We all agree that he/she freaks us out. But we're split down the middle on gender. Hence the name I've given to it, "Pat".

Androgenous Pat.

I would like to clarify and stand by my current position that Pat is actually a FEMALE. I mean, check out the hair. It looks like it's up in some sort of beehivey 'do. And what about the boobs? I know overweight boys can have their own stellar set of boobies, but these have 'chick' written all over them!!! (In DAISIES no less... most boys would not be caught dead wearing a daisy shirt!)

Don't let my arguments sway you. I NEED to know what you think. Please add your comments/viewpoints if you have an opinion and are able to either support or enlighten me.