You know what's annoying? Happy people. That's what.

Happy people. This could mean overachievers, patheticly public lovebirds or even giggly girly types who are thrilled with their new nail polish.

They are particularly annoying when you're tired, cranky or already feeling like a useless bag-o-crap sloth.

Have you ever watched those Oprah 'Use Your Life' episodes? I mean ok, it's somewhat inspiring, but also makes you feel like you've just pissed your whole extremely self-absorbed life down the tubes [so far].

When I get happy I get kind of loopy and rambley. I get really impaired and take it out on people through whacky emails and msn instant msgs. It's not a good scene. It's like I'm temporarily asphyxiated and my nutcase alter ego comes out.

Drinking also brings out sort of an alter ego. A guy I know used to bug me to no end that I'd show up at a party sober and be quiet as a mouse and then have a couple of drinks and be swinging from the chandeliers. He even did a whole impression. It was mildly amusing. Obviously I still find it somewhat comical since I mention it here. What made me think of it was running into this girl recently at the bar. I knew her from the lab across the hall and I would describe her as an insanely shy person. To the point of unbelievable. She'd never say hi to you and when you said hi to her, in fact she'd try not to look at you and make a break for the nearest exit.

So we saw her at the bar and she was smashed. She had the permagrin thing goin' on and she was gigglin' and totally said hi and chatted us up. She then proceeded to tell us (the people she used to run from) how great we are and how she respects us soooooo much. What the? That was more words I'd ever heard her speak, it was nice to see that she actually knew English!!!

Anyways, I don't really have a point except that it's ok to be happy at the bar. Or is that my point? No one will find you annoying there. I hope. Or on emails. Yeah. That's it. That's the ticket. Wait, let me go up and reread what I was saying before, because the ending of this thing isn't turning out all neat and tidy like it usually does. Hold on....

Ok so I reread the first line. Just don't be sober at the bar if you can help it. I'd advise being drunk all the time if only the goal in life was not to be annoyed by and perhaps even join the happy people. Unless you're a cranky drunk and just wanna beat people up. Then you should just drink alone in your basement.

Or not.

Now I just rambled and it wasn't even a happy ramble. May have been annoying though, that's your call.

Bottoms up!!!!

Sam Roberts Band at Edfest

You can't see that band so well, but it looks cool nonetheless.

Hello Worldwide Visitors!!!

Hi to all the visitors of my site from around the world. This is a map (as of yesterday) of the last 100 people who visited (green is last 10 and red was the last one). Pretty cool eh? I have no way of knowing what people think of my random and often hair-brained thoughts... So if you have any kind of a response, feel free to comment!!!

It's ok if you're shy though, I'm just happy that you stopped by:)

Don't get mad... get funny!

When I started this blog, I wanted to keep it light and at least mildly entertaining. This was a conscious choice and one I've had to work hard to stick to. This is because, when you have a public forum, it's easy to start ranting about this cause or that cause. There's so many causes, I could post every day and get madder and madder and madder! This would rouse a lot of comments and angry discussion... and eventually I'm sure my head would explode.

Overall, I just joke around about different stuff. Life can be hard, we need comedy to get through it.

It is possible to joke about serious issues though. Scott Adams on The Dilbert Blog is very adept at this. It certainly makes a point well.

I love this post from his blog: Worst Activists Ever.

Condo for sale, comes with manho

I just found out that my friend Lisa's condo comes with a manho!!! I'm scraping every last penny I have together to see if I can afford it. Some questions: who is this manho, what does he look like and what, exactly, are his duties? I may be able to assume it from the title 'manho', however I want this clearly outlined in the contract!

Actually her condo doesn't come with a manho, unfortunately. This is what she told a lady who called about her condo for sale and the name that came up on her call display was "Mich". Automatically she thought I was joking around when the lady asked her if she had a condo for sale.

"Yes, yes I do have a condo for sale and it comes with a manho."

Even when the lady seemed confused, Lisa kept up the ruse. Finally, when the arguing and attempts at convincing came up empty, they ended the call. She did not give up, however. She called back and eventually Lisa figured out that it was not me calling her.

I guess this lady must have the same long distance code as I do so my name came up when she called.

Bummer about the manho. Does he clean? I could use me one...

A Grand Weekend: The Video

It seems that some people have trouble loading the embedded video so I took it off. You can go to YouTube and check it out: Grand Prix Video.

If you want, also check out the (partially) full story in the previous post: A Grand Weekend.

A Grand Weekend

In my last post I talked about my lack of motivation to clean up my apartment. That changed quickly when I found out some friends were coming for the weekend IN JUST A FEW HOURS. Another friend was also arriving the next day.

After all, it was set to be the busiest weekend of the year in Edmonton. Capital Ex, Edfest, Taste of Edmonton and the Grand Prix… Bring it on!

The fun began promptly at 7pm on Friday. To follow: Black Dog patio, beer, gin, dancing at the Urban Lounge, more debauchery… breakfast on a patio, farmer’s market, shopping on Whyte, dinner and mojitos, repeat performance on the Black Dog patio, repeat performance on the debauchery, 4 hours of sleep… Grand Prix race and beer gardens, baking in the sun all day… shower, nap, Hudson’s patio for dinner… WOAH.

The stamina held out… but it is definitely showing on my face BIG TIME. I was wearing a hat Sunday (thank God), so I didn’t get sunstroke and the part of my hair didn’t burn (thank GOD) but the bottom half of my face got pretty scorched. I was also so tired by the end that I’d looked like I’d been punched several times during the night last night.

And I can’t even tell the best stories on this blog. Ok, I can tell just a tidbit... Like how at 4am I threw an icecube in the general direction of the balcony one down and over from mine, and it, uh, connected with the one guy. Oops. Words were exchanged between the people on my balcony and theirs. Not good. And how Jen put my phone number on this guy’s cell phone... Thanks Jen... uh, not. And he called and I don’t wanna call him back now because I wasn’t really interested in the first place and I’ve also heard that he’s bad news from other people who know him. Nancy’s advice to me: “but...man, there's been [insert a another word for 'jerks'] who haven't called you? so just..hahah return the favor back to the male population.” Good answer. I may have to go with that one. Yeah, that's all the tidbits I can release...

Anyways, I’m in hardcore recovery mode right now.

Also recovering from the testosterone onslaught on Sunday. The male to female ratio at the Grand Prix beer gardens was unreal. I estimate the ratio at 100:1 and that’s no exaggeration!!! It was better odds than even Rugbyfest, if that’s possible! Yep, the people-watching was pretty sweet. I was telling Lisa that it was like we were gawking at a 360 degree TV. Unblinking, jaws dropped, eyes wide open. Like an 18 year old boy at his first playboy mansion party... haha, ok not THAT bad (or that good for us).

I bet there were some hurtin’ units on Monday morning. There was absolutely NO SHADE to be found and some people looked more burnt than a BBQed pork chop. The sun was unrelenting.

I loved this car! It was the pace car for the race... perhaps we could have used a 'pace car' for our weekend!!!)

The race was great though. The weekend was too. I’d do it again. In a heartbeat. I got some great pix, perhaps I’ll post a little sumthin tomorrow…

Uh, maybe AFTER recovery mode.

I won't be trying a weekend like THAT anytime soon.

I need a roomie!!!

I've come to the conclusion that I cannot live alone any longer. It's not the independence, the quiet or the fact that I have the TV all to myself that I can't stand anymore. It's the total freedom of not having to clean up after myself. I know it sounds great. I just can't live with my slovenly habits anymore.

Pathetic!!!

There's an ad for a new roomie if I ever saw one! 

Rejected by the All-American Rejects!

I just heard that the show we were supposed to go to this Friday is cancelled!!! The All-American Rejects have cancelled all their Canadian dates! What the? Jen and I were just watching them on Much Music last night and making plans for Friday... Word is that the singer has to rest his voice, it just happens to be during the Canadian leg of the tour. Grrreeeat.





















Oh man, I laughed so hard when the VJ took a dive right there on stage. We couldn't tell at the time what she tripped on, but she went down like a sack'o hammers. It was classic. Check out the video here.

Turns out that her name is Leah Miller and she tripped on the mic. Jen tells me that she actually trips a lot!

WHEN IN PARIS...
... set off the red-alert security alarm at the prestigious Louvre Museum by accidentally tripping and falling into an exhibit of priceless artifacts. Only then will you have trudged the same “walk of shame” experienced by Much VJ Leah.

I guess the reason it's sooo funny is that it's totally something I'd do. Luckily I'm not on TV every day is all I can say about that. So anyways, in place of the Rejects, Default is going to play and it will be free with admission to Capital Ex. Whatever. I'm disappointed. We'll go to Sam Roberts instead...

So to change the subject since I need to say this... WTF is Capital Ex anyways??? Good question. I have no effing idea!!! I really really dislike the new name of Klondike Days. Not sure why they changed it. I'm not even a native Edmontonian and have no attachment to the old name whatsoever, so the fact that I think the new one sucks is a purely uninvested non-emotional reaction to losing the old one. At least K-Days had a theme, what is the theme of Cap-X??? Is Edmonton falling so far behind Calgary in the 'cool' department that they have to keep rubbing it in that it's the capital city? Or did they think the 'Gold Rush' was outdated versus the 'cowboy' theme of the Stampede.

It’s a capital idea whose time has come...welcome to Capital EX, Edmonton’s exhibition with a whole new attitude. Edmonton's newly renamed and renovated exhibition will feature new shows like Ed Fest, Global Connections and Northwest Originals. More new programs will continue to be announced, helping to ensure Capital EX continues to be one of Canada's largest exhibitions where more than 810,000 guests attend each July.

Ugh. If they wanted to revamp it they could have done it with advertising and promotion, I would have checked out Ed-fest whether it was at K-days or Cap-x. Man, that name change is just PURE LAME.

Canadian Girls: ENJOY!

This ad was on billboards ALL OVER Rome when we were there.
I have no complaints.
None whatsoever.

Why have I not seen anything like this in Canada? Huh, Dolce and Gabbana? WHY???


Well Canadian girls, now you can ENJOY it as much as I did:) Feel free to come back as often as you like. Eye candy isn't bad for the teeth or the waistline!

Giant Beacon Zoner

I just found another reason to wear a helmet full-time...

GIANT BEACON ZONER.

It's about the only thing that will cover this monster. Makeup just makes it look worse, like I'm highlighting it for all the world to see.

It's all I notice when I look in the mirror. ZONER ZONER ZONER.

I feel like I'm growing a horn. It's not fair. Wrinkles and zits should never be able to co-exist on one person. It's just not right. I've paid my dues in the unstable complexion department and now that the wrinkles are moving in, the zit family that has been having monthly reunions on my face for years needs to MOVE OUT!!!

Well, at least low-flying airplanes won't hit my giant melon with it blinking up there.

I'm so self-conscious that I can't even look people in the eye. I try to turn my head so that the zit isn't in their line of sight. I try to stand in the shadow rather than the light.

Um, yeah it's not working.

This reminds me of a time when I was getting ready to go out on the town with my friends Lee and Lisa. I had spent a long time downstairs putting layers and layers of makeup on my large forehead protrusion (there were so many layers I think it had turned grey). When I was satisfied that I'd camouflaged the sucker, I ventured upstairs to have a drink...

"Are you going to do something about that zoner on your forehead?" was the first thing out of Lee's mouth.

Back to the drawing board.

I give up. I might as well make peace with it since it'll be camping out here for the next little while.

Neked Neighbour

On one of these hot summer evenings recently, a friend and I were sitting on my patio. Just then the neighbour across the way decided to come out for a smoke and a drink... ahem, likely NAKED. However, he stood behind the BBQ the whole time. We watched avidly to find any kind of proof that he was indeed... neked. Would he wander away from the BBQ and fix his flag (pun intended)? Would he decide to get some fresh air in the breezy area on the other side of his deck?

Nope. We came up disappointed.

Or perhaps our curiosity would have killed us. Did we REALLY want to have proof that the dude was wearing nuthin but the suit he was born in? No, no we really really didn't.

It shall remain a mystery, thank God.


ps. Come to think of it, it's a good thing I called this post 'Neked Neighbour' (versus 'Naked Neighbour') or I'm sure I'd get all sorts of weirdos looking for porn on my blog. Man, would they ever be disappointed!!!


Update: For more on my neked neighbour, click HERE and HERE.

Dawg Tard

I can no longer blame my tiredness in the afternoon on jet lag or time differences. I seriously get so tired that I go cross-eyed trying to stay awake. And it's unexplainable because I've been getting about 7hr/night. I even had a large Timmy Ho's this AM to try to bring me back into focus, but it's possible that the loads of cream and sugar in it clogged soemthing up in my brain and I still can't focus.

Or maybe that's from hitting my head. However I've been tired since before that.

And today I'm such a zombie that I tripped going up the stairs here (embarrassing but I had to chuckle) and then almost entirely missed the two stairs down coming out of a building on my way back from THs, which would have been nearly fatal I'm sure. God, I saw those stairs at the very LAST second. Yikes.



Or maybe I'm burnt out. I think I've had it. I wanted a PhD, but on second thought I can do without one.

Now what do I do about this mounting debt? Shitballs.

I hit my head

I don't feel like posting today. Maybe it's because I hit my head. And when I hit my head, I usually hit it good. Real good.

OUCH.

I was thinking. (Newflash!) Ahem. I was thinking that you know how they make people wear seatbelts and plus there are laws so you can't ride around in the back of pickups and you have to wear helmets on motorbikes, etc. You know how they do that? Personal safety laws. Well, perhaps I should wear a helmet at all times. It would significantly decrease the odds of me jumbling my brain up there whenever I pull a good smackdown on the ol' noggin. It's not a daily occurrence by any means. But when it happens, it's a good one. (BTW, did you know occurrence has two 'c's, two 'r's and no 'a's in it? Go figure. I know, you know it when you see it there, but before you look it up it's actually confusing.)

Of course, I lost my bike helmet when I left it out by my bike one day. It was a boneheaded move, probably shortly after I hit my head one day. Therefore, for my helmet-head plan here, I'd have to wear my old bike helmet. Now, there's a reason why Rose coined this thing "my special friend helmet." I'm not sure why it looks sooo bad on me (let's face it, most helmets don't exactly look good, but this one looks REAL bad. Seriously). Like it sits way up high or something, almost like my lid is way too big for it, but it's not. The helmet is also big though, so I've got this big mushroom helmet sitting way up on top of my big mushroom head.

Are you picturing this?

Anyways, I really think this plan will work. Not only will it help protect my oversized melon from self-induced damage due to constant inattention or misjudgment and preserve my brain cells a little longer, but it will prophylactically ward off potential cranial carnage from unforseen and unpredictable but concievably possible flying objects. This may or may not include stray golf balls, giant sized beetles, baseball bats or the odd flying saucer (I actually meant a flying piece of dishware, not the spaceship thingy).

I'm not even going to mention the time and money I'd save by just throwing my helmet on and not having to do my hair every day or get fancy haircuts and dye jobs and all that shit.

Besides looking slightly goofy, I see one small problem with this plan... That is, with the added size of the helmet on top of my big meathead, I actually hit it MORE OFTEN than without a helmet on. This causes guffaws from passer-bys and can also cause a jarring effect on the head.

I'm going to have to think this through. Maybe I should sleep on it and let the swelling subside first before I try thinking. Maybe I shouldn't have blogged when I'm not thinking.

OUCH. Did I mention I hit my head? I was thinking, you know how they make you wear seatbelts? I have an idea. For my own personal safety. Ah, forget it. I didn't feel like posting today anyhow.

Bye.

Canadian Redneck

“You know you’re a redneck when you’ve been married 4 times and still have the same inlaws.”

I guess there are at least 8000 rednecks in the United States. Or that’s how many people attended the 2006 Redneck Games in Georgia recently.

They quoted one guy on the news about the event, "So many people, so few teeth."

I met a self-professed Canadian redneck at a wedding this past weekend. He honed in on me like a guided missile because I was the only single girl there I'm sure (or perhaps a 'misguided' missle). He kept telling me, "Yep, I’m just redneck" over and over again. For some reason this guy thought I'd be impressed at his continued admission of this fact. Since when is I’m a redneck a good pickup line? I’m not sure which part of his sales pitch I should have been impressed with either. He lives way out in the boonies, hunts, fishes, ATVs, etc… Uh yeah, snuffing the life out of some innocent animal is not a big turn on for me. Is that strange for a chick? I felt like saying, "I’m an environmentalist vegetarian with more education than all 2 dozen of your family members put together!!!" Actually, I’d be exaggerating a little for effect… but in the end I just couldn’t tell him off.

In fact, he knew about my education, because as he said, he'd been doing his homework on me and he knew all about me. All about me eh? Riiiiight. He actually wasn’t bad looking and was quite cute in his eagerness to talk to me, and I had to chuckle at his reaction to me too. "Geez, you’re difficult. Why are you being so stubborn?" "Uh, because you came on kind of strong," was my response. It was true. What I neglected to tell him, however, was that it was his breath was even stronger! It almost melted my face off from 3 feet away. The whole time he was talking to me I was thinking, “My God in heaven. I must figure out a polite way to get away from this guy. How do I get away…” And when I'd get away, I'd keep an eye out for him and shrink down in my chair thinking, "I hope he doesn't see me over here, please don't see me. Shit, here he comes..."

Yep, he had about a snowball’s chance in hell with me, even IF I thought the redneck deal was hot. But he gets an A for his redneck charm and persistence.

Stinky Romans

I must say, Rome was interesting. My camera got pickpocketed by a little boy there. Luckily I noticed and grabbed it back from him. I would have completely freaked out to lose all my pictures!

Everyone either rides a scooter or drives a very small car there. And they drive like snot. I don't know why there are even speed limits posted because none of them pay attention to it!!! And they will ride your ass if you're driving too slow (and I am by no means a slow driver).

The touristy sights are pretty neat, but you'll pay to see them, in time and money. Holy shit, I could NOT believe some of the lineups. I also couldn't believe the stinky budgers. People had the nerve just to go up the line and duck under the rope. I felt like saying something but felt it would be petty. Oh well, it's going to take hours anyways so just suck it up is all I tried to do. There's a picture of only a small portion of the lineup for the Vatican, and one of the lady who was supposed to give us a tour... Uh, then she got arrested. Woops. At least we got ahead in line and then got our money back! I guess in a sense, we budged.

After the Vatican, we stopped for two coffees (plus I had an ice cream). The lady spotted us as tourists and gauged us for 13 Euros. That's like 20 bucks for coffee and ice cream... they even have Starbucks beat!!! They also wouldn't take Visa. And they'd get cranky at your just for asking. I started to miss people who actually appreciated your business. Bizarre.

The subway was hot and stinky. I had to take it for 45mins to and from the conference. Just when you thought you couldn't fit anymore sardines into the tin, a few more would get on. So body parts start to meld together, people's BO almost makes you puke, and some weirdo is giving you googly eyes and you're pretending not to notice. Ugh. It was painful at times.

Rome was neat even though it stunk in many ways. Hey, how can you complain too much when eating pizza, sipping espresso and wine every day!!! Mmmm. Anyways, it was worth muddling through the stinky, cranky people, pickpockets, long lineups and hefty admission charges... that is, at least once in your life. It will probably only be once for me.

Buh-bye Roma.

Small but Mighty... or not

We stumbled on the Fiat Club. They were the cutest cars EVER. Sometime afterwards, we heard them motoring off towards the highway. One had the mightiest roar I'd ever heard out of something so small.

Sometime after that, we saw some of them on the side of the road.

Hmm. Oh well, they looked good.

I felt like a freak beside that car... Hello, I'm from Norway. I have a pitutary problem...

Hotel Des Alpes

One of my favourite places on our trip was a gem we stumbled on, nestled on the side of a mountain, Hotel Des Alpes.


I could not BELIEVE the view from our room!!! AND we had a balcony too! I was in heaven.




Literally in heaven... In the morning, we were even higher than the clouds.


There was a small ski hill just 3km up the mountain on a narrow winding road with no guard rails and steep drop offs that had Mom pretty scared (ok, me too at times).

















On the way back down we saw some deer.

In retrospect the view was awesome, but the whole experience at the hotel was also impressive. It wasn't just the 8 good-looking Germans that rode in on their motorbikes and sat at the table next to us at dinner and breakfast either;) It was also the man who ran the place, I think his name was Leo? He was soooo nice to us! In the morning when we were checking out he said, "Vous êtes joli." I thought he was posing a question... Are you happy? and I told Mom that's what he'd asked. We responded, "Yes we are, VERY much so thanks."

It wasn't until later when I figured out that joli meant beautiful. Oops. YES. YES WE ARE. Hahaha. Good one.

I'm an idiot.

I'm baa-aack!

Hey everyone! I'm back!

Ok, I'm not THAT excited about being back... although the weather here isn't much different than it was the whole time we were in Italy and France (30+ every day).

There are a lot of stories to tell and I took over 500 pictures! I will try to post some in the next few days, although I do have to get some work done in the meantime so bear with me. Overall I had a great time. The countryside in Italy is breathtaking and seeing Flo in France was pretty great. Not knowing the language very well was a bit of a barrier, but after giving people the usual 'blank stare', they understood that I didn't understand. We also ended up lost a lot, including driving down narrow streets in Sienna where we weren't supposed to be with a car (which became evident since it didn't even fit down some of the streets). We couldn't get out and felt like total rats in a maze. Yikes, it was pretty hairy as I made tight turns and squeezed through narrow streets lined with 3 storey buildings so we couldn't see our way out. If you are ever driving and see the sign "traffico limitato", for God sakes, turn the hell around!!! The downtown part of many of those places have streets that are just wide enough for a scooter or Smart car sized vehicle to get through. People were shaking their fists at us as we meandered through the crowds at one point. When a lady saw that I was on the edge of breaking down in tears, she graciously explained to the most aggressive and vocal fat dude in Italian that we were very lost and then she explained to us in English how to get out. It wasn't that easy. We still couldn't find our way and were scared we'd bury ourselves deeper until we finally found a very very very nice man who told us to follow him in his car. He was a lifesaver. We'd still be there now if it wasn't for him!!!

Funny thing... I just checked the Audi website and watched the movie ad about the car we drove, and it's apparently designed for "maneuvring the downtown maze." It also shows many of the stunts I pulled off in Europe... And here I thought I was a just a good driver!!! There was a reason they didn't have a Yaris that day and we got upgraded after all!