totally random

• People with dreads wear HUGE toques.
• Why is it so hard to tell someone their breath stinks?
• My cat Cassie is a total lap slut.
• A day is not complete unless I've spilled something.
• Why is it so funny when someone falls down? God that cracks me up.
• If you can't laugh at yourself, you're in deep shit.
• How can a person be so smart, yet so dumb at the same time? (i.e. me)
• Why don't guys call when they either say they will or know they should? It would make life easier for everyone involved if they'd just buck up and dial.
• My cat Nay is so fat that she's just a black ball with huge eyes and stiletto heels for legs.
• Did you ever notice that the day after drinking, your I.Q. falls to half it's normal level?
• Road rage is totally fucked up. Get a life.
• My roommate said that if you can make a girl laugh you've already got her halfway to the bedroom. I'm sure most guys would like to know, what gets you the rest of the way there?
• Usted huele como el fondo de mi zapato. ANYTHING sounds romantic in Spanish.
• Why don't they just use red-colored liquid in those maxi-pad commercials? If they are going to be that graphic, then why stop there? Geez.
• I wonder how much snot you'd find under the driver's seat of people's cars.
• Why do men think it's ok to do gross things in public? This may include picking their noses, scratching their crotches, farting, horking, or sitting spread-eagled so everyone has a nice view of their package.
• Procrastination is just instant gratification.
• Masterbation... ditto.
• One of the rudest sensations is sitting on a toilet seat that someone has peed on. It's worse than falling into a toilet that someone has left the seat up on!
• Why are farts funny?
• Stephen Wright once said that he tried to keep an open mind but his brains kept falling out. Drinking will do the same thing.
• Can someone wake up dead?
• What is the point of having your weight on your driver's licence if it's way off anyways?
• Hand washing is the best way to prevent the spread of disease. JUST DO IT!!!
• If a guy ever asks if you've ever had "bigger"... do not, I repeat: DO NOT answer!
• If someone has really f'ed up dreams, what does that say about him/her?
• What's with Febreeze and all the air freshener products out there? If something stinks that bad, you've got problems man. Figure it out.
• Nothing blends into its surroundings better than a cordless phone that is ringing.
• Here's a good one to think about: When was the last time you did something for the first time?
• Hardcore porn is a huge huge business... there must be a LOT of sickos out there. Scary.
• What's with Telus and their ZILLIONS of televi$ion commercial$??? They suck. No amount of cute animal commercials will convince us otherwise.
• Did you ever notice the thing you can't find is always in the last place you look? (Actually for me it's sometimes in the first place I looked, but I don't find it until I look there for the 25th time. Not sure how that happens but it rotts me.)
• Why don't guys just throw out that underwear that's torn, stinky and so old you can see through it!?!
• If there's a cookie to be had, it's mine!
• Somehow, no matter how full you are, there's always room for ice cream:)
• People with big heads shouldn't lose too much weight.

This list is a work in progress... It's a crazy world we live in!