Could she say it any louder?
Every time I go bra shopping, the salesperson shouts that question, and I’m only two feet away! In fact, she asks it so loudly that the whole room is suddenly hushed in anticipation of the answer.
So it seems.
And then I feel weird whispering it like it’s some kind of clandestine secret. I mean, I’m sure people have some idea of size by having a glance-ola in that general area, but to announce the exact size when strangers or a friend can hear kind of sucks. It’s not so bad when that happens only in front of your boyfriend, because he already has a pretty darn good idea about the size. He probably doesn’t know how it translates into exact specs though. He probably knows it more in terms of “a mouthful”, “a handful”, “two-hand luke” or “my head gets lodged between those giant watermelons!” Ahem, I doubt that last description has been used before, it was something that popped into my head just now, hehe. Hmm, perhaps knowing the exact size would just give him more solid bragging rights. That’s right Joe, I said a healthy, overflowin’ double D… Did ya hear that? DOUBLE D.
Us girls never brag about our boyfriends like that. Ahem…
Announcing my bra size to the world is almost as embarrassing as confessing my age and weight to the guy in the ski shop in front of the boy I’m dating and his friends. I usually shroud that info in mystery (and for good reason, yikes). I’ve even won a few prizes fooling the guy at the ‘guess your weight, guess your age’ booth at the Fair (that’s pretty much the only thing I can win there, although I love to whack those pesky little moles). However, three things prevent me from playing that Fool the Guesser game ever again. 1) You have to admit your real age/weight and I haven't uttered the truth in years. I don't know if my mouth can even form those particular words anymore. 2) He guessed wrong once on my weight: TOO HIGH. I moped around with my tail between my legs for hours afterwards. And finally, 3) The prizes suck. I wouldn’t buy that shit at the dollar store so why pay to try and “win” it?
Blah blah blah. You get my point. I don’t wanna advertise my bra size to anyone, thank you very much! Like everything else, just let me live in my fantasy world... And in my case that happens to be a world with padded underwire push-up bras.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Au contraire mon bon ami.
I can assure you that I have infact heard that last description before! While you have an obvious knack for thinking “outside the box” and most definitely enjoy dabbling (or should I say flailing indulgently) in the “crude”, you must not underestimate the creativity and undeniably crude dynamic of the infamous Hockey Dressing Room. When it comes to ridiculous descriptions of … Ahem … watermelon size and anything remotely related, I would venture to say you might be hard-pressed to unleash something truly revolutionary. Believe me when I say that the bases have been covered in that respect and on the rare occasion that somebody has a “breakthrough concept” never heard before….. chances are it should never have been said in the first place!
All that being said ….. try me, perhaps you have a gem locked away in that brain box of yours.
Haha. So someone actually said they got their head stuck between their girlfriend's "giant watermelons"? Nice. I guess there's yet another reason to keep some KY around...
I don't doubt that the Hockey dressing room is the birthplace of many a crude phrase. But I bet I can think of something!
Why do you call yourself double d anyways? Could it be that you have a stellar set of your own manboobs? If so, I sincerely hope they aren't dub d's... Yikes! That's Oprah-sized gajungas!
Hey, double D; I liked the part about flailing indulgently in the "crude".
I have to agree with Double D. That is not a new one. Guys are always trying to come up with a new term, but I haven't heard anything truely original in years.
And I have known Ladies that you could get stuck in.
Later,
Deej
I never thought the watermelon thing was new... just the head stuck thing. Now that I think about it though, you're all right!
I will have to keep thinking on that...
Thanks for enlightening me boys!!!
Post a Comment