Canadian Redneck

“You know you’re a redneck when you’ve been married 4 times and still have the same inlaws.”

I guess there are at least 8000 rednecks in the United States. Or that’s how many people attended the 2006 Redneck Games in Georgia recently.

They quoted one guy on the news about the event, "So many people, so few teeth."

I met a self-professed Canadian redneck at a wedding this past weekend. He honed in on me like a guided missile because I was the only single girl there I'm sure (or perhaps a 'misguided' missle). He kept telling me, "Yep, I’m just redneck" over and over again. For some reason this guy thought I'd be impressed at his continued admission of this fact. Since when is I’m a redneck a good pickup line? I’m not sure which part of his sales pitch I should have been impressed with either. He lives way out in the boonies, hunts, fishes, ATVs, etc… Uh yeah, snuffing the life out of some innocent animal is not a big turn on for me. Is that strange for a chick? I felt like saying, "I’m an environmentalist vegetarian with more education than all 2 dozen of your family members put together!!!" Actually, I’d be exaggerating a little for effect… but in the end I just couldn’t tell him off.

In fact, he knew about my education, because as he said, he'd been doing his homework on me and he knew all about me. All about me eh? Riiiiight. He actually wasn’t bad looking and was quite cute in his eagerness to talk to me, and I had to chuckle at his reaction to me too. "Geez, you’re difficult. Why are you being so stubborn?" "Uh, because you came on kind of strong," was my response. It was true. What I neglected to tell him, however, was that it was his breath was even stronger! It almost melted my face off from 3 feet away. The whole time he was talking to me I was thinking, “My God in heaven. I must figure out a polite way to get away from this guy. How do I get away…” And when I'd get away, I'd keep an eye out for him and shrink down in my chair thinking, "I hope he doesn't see me over here, please don't see me. Shit, here he comes..."

Yep, he had about a snowball’s chance in hell with me, even IF I thought the redneck deal was hot. But he gets an A for his redneck charm and persistence.