East Indian buffet = A world of pain

As soon as we entered the restaurant, we knew we were in trouble. We asked the young waiter how late they were open and he said for another hour and a half... "Why, are you planning to eat for an hour and a half?" Jen said no because she didn't wear loose pants. He replied that she could simply use his.

That should have been our cue to leave. But no, we can't turn down a perfectly scrumptious Indian buffet, even if we'd have to endure another hour of the waiter's best lines.

We both walked up to buffet and said, "This is gonna hurt." In hindsight, that was foreshadowing. Jen piled up her plate like a pro... I didn't realize saucy food could STACK like that! We didn't even get to sit down yet when he started in on us. Here's a VERY abbreviated version of some of the conversations...

Are you two sisters? No.

So you aren't sisters? You look alike. Uh, no we don't... so at this point I'm wondering if he thinks all white people look the same.

You have the same colour eyes. Actually, Jen's eyes are about twice the size of mine. He agreed and said that hers were very nice because you can see the colour better. Her eyes are very large, very pretty. That left me feeling real good.

What do you girls do? Both students. Which is why we have to eat out at cheap East Indian buffets and chow down like we haven't eaten in days and don't know where our next meal is coming from.

You work together and eat together? Do you do everything together? Um, not EVERYTHING.

How old are you? Why do you want to know that?

No no, you don't have to tell me your age. Just think of a number... how many times you go out to drink wine in a week. Are you thinking of a number? Now double it, add 5, multiply that by 50, add 1735 and then subtract your year of birth. What is the number? Was this some sort of skill testing question and the one who gets it right wins a prize? Since we both did the math wrong, he had to get out the calculator.

Ok what is the number? Hmm. Maybe he was looking for a particular number.

Later, when he was out of the room, I made a break for the food. As I was dishing out, there he appeared. Why did you take the small plate? Because this is round two and I'm already starting to feel the pain. Pain? What pain? You look like you can eat whatever you want and stay slim. Riiiight. That was laid on thicker than the butter chicken sauce there...

Later... Do you like Indian men? No? We paused on that one. Uh... Actually, we don't know. Never tried.

At this point I was wondering what the restaurant policy was on customer harrassment. We were just trying to have a nice dinner and enjoy our food, and this guy was unrelenting! He seemed nice so we didn't want to tell him off, but still!

I was just wondering because you said you cook East Indian food. Most white girls cook Indian food for their East Indian boyfriends. There are a lot of East Indians around here... So where do you girls like to go out and party? What are you doing after this? Not going out?

Yikes. He finally left us alone to wallow in pain for a bit while he talked on the telephone. But all good things must come to an end.

Luckily it was Jen who had to pay the bill. He asked why we were leaving because he was really enjoying watching us pretty girls. That wasn't creepy at all. Then he asked if we liked dirty jokes and proceeded to tell one. That was really effective in reducing the creepy factor. Then he struck up another convo about when we were going out next and could he come along... No response. Jen and I were on what I call Operation Dodge-the-Question. (Boys- if a girl is on Operation DTQ, this is a huge hint that she's not so into you and you should stop asking her personal questions.) Of course, dude didn't clue in to Operation DTQ because by the end of the conversation he asked for Jen's email address. She had the moment that all us girls have trouble with at times- saying no in a way that absolutely won't hurt his feelings. And since there is no possible way to do that, she gave it up. We edged towards the door as he yelled to Jen, "You'll have an email from me by the end of tonight!"

With that, we finally made our escape. Jen's email address for our freedom? It was a good trade. She took one for the team that night.

Excerpt from the email:
i really enjoyed talking to u girls but just could not compliment u enough as u were with ur friend , but just to let u know u look really very pretty and the way u r ,sooooooooooo sweet ,r u always like this

Poor guy. I must give him kudos for trying! However, when a guy comes on that strong it leaves a girl inevitably wondering if she's just the obsession of the moment, and tomorrow night it will be someone else, etc.

Several of us girls had a discussion about it the next day. There was a lot of giggling and comments such as:

I can't believe that. Does the guy have no sense of reality? It is like some lines from a really really sad Bollywood movie.

OMG that is hil.. do guys actually write things like that these days?

Apparently! The more important question is – are there girls that actually respond to this? Yiiii.

Comments from Jen:

No I don't think I'm going to go on a date – this may be extremely uptight and anal retentive, but I have it when people use "u" instead of "you" – just seems kinda lazy. I mean, if you're text messaging fine but if it's an email, write it out dammit! And he used "u" like 80 times, haha. I don't know why that annoys me but it does. And I choose to make a sweeping judgment of his character based on that haha!

And yes I DO need to learn how to say “no thank you” … preferably while running fast and far!

Maybe I can just get a wig and wear it next time. I do like wigs. As for the email – Some gems:

“u look really very pretty” – lie! I was in scrubby comfortable clothes, my stomach was about 4 times its normal size after buffeting for 2 hours, and the previous 2 nights I had only gotten 3 hours of sleep each night. I was like one of the extras from Night of the Living Dead.

“u r ,sooooooooooo sweet” – wouldn’t be saying that if he could’ve heard the commentary running through my head, which was laced with a variety of profanities and unseemly comments
“r u always like this” – nope, and you’re gonna find that out REAL quick … has my foot been acquainted with your crotch yet? No? Well then! *WHAM*


Jen, let's practice a script for next time we run into this scenario. How about: "That's very flattering and you seem really nice, but I'm not interested. Thanks though."

Yeah, could happen.

Perhaps that's better than my response the other night, "Why do you want my number? You don't want my number!" Good one. The crazy part is that was my response to a guy who I thought was REALLY cute. Ah, how can I possibly pick on Jen about this when I'm just as bad at it? And I have a few years on her too!

Looks like we'll both have to practice our "yes, please call me" and "no, please don't call me" responses before we go out next time, particularly before we go to that East Indian buffet place again...