Dating Standards

The following are suggestions for dating standards that you should not waiver on from the book ‘He’s just not that into you’ by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo...

... Of course Rose and I have added our thoughts:)

Standard #1: I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out first.
Me: Oh, so this is why I haven’t been dating!
Rosie: What is this, the fifties? Not everyone sucks.
Me: Sorry, I just can’t ask a guy out. Call me insecure or just chickenshit, I dunno. This standard is an easy one to keep.

Standard #2: I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
Me: Then I guess my whole dating history would never have happened and I would be a 36 year old virgin cat lady.
Rosie: Mutual exclusivity between dating a man and waiting by the phone does not exist.

Standard #3: I will not date a man who isn’t sure he wants to date me.
Me: Who EVER knows what a guy wants? Even when he’s dating me, he’s probably STILL not sure he wants to date me.

Standard #4: I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
Me: I’ve never encountered this. I do know that if I feel this way, it’s due to my fat ass and not something he did.
Rosie: So, if he tells me my hooha stinks, I shouldn’t date him?
Me: No you shouldn’t Rose, see your comment on Standard #10.

Standard #5: I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
Me: Can I drink until I feel comfortable?
Rosie: What if he’s only a dealer?

Standard #6: I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our future.
Me: Shit, I’m afraid to talk about our future!!!
Rosie: What about the ones who are planning your wedding on your first date. And don’t think they don’t exist!
Me: Scary.

Standard #7: I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
Me: But what if he brings roses and chocolates and takes me out to dinner and professes his undying love and confesses about what a meathead he was? Still no? What about ex sex? But, but… I mean, he said we’re two single adults who can just enjoy each other… STILL NO?
Rosie: What if he has a big dick and you haven’t been laid in a while?
Me: You aren’t referring to moi are you? ARE YOU? Meanie.

Standard #8: I will not date a man who is married.
Me: I concur. Better add- I will not date a man who has a fiance, or has recently broke up the marriage/engagement to be with me.
Rosie: Me too. Not only you will be hurt, but the wife too. Why cause even more pain.
Me: Amen to that. A guy used to really hit on me at work. I found out, from SOMEONE ELSE, that he had a fiancé. I told him in no uncertain terms, “You can’t date both of us and I won’t be #2”. You may think that was smart of me. Good on ya Mich! I’ll never be the other woman, no way. But guess what, he broke up with her to date me, which was fine and we dated… but then SHE became the other woman! Buggah! That was a long time ago, but if I’d known then what I know now boy…

Standard #10: I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.
Me: Uh oh… then who is left???
Rosie: Or afraid of a really long muff dive.

MY SUPER-HELPFUL STANDARDS THAT I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET OR FORSAKE NO MATTER HOW HOT I THINK HE IS:
(Greg says to make a list of your own, however many.)

I WILL NOT DATE SOMEONE WHO:
Me:
Farts on the first 3 dates.
Tokes up before every date.
Could be my son.
Was hitting on everyone else at the party first.
Doesn’t take me out, just wants me to come to his place or vice versa.
Has a fiancée.
Has nothing, no place, no phone, no car…
Has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Hates cats.
Has weird fetishes like having sex with a man or wearing women’s underwear.
Rose adds:
Has more hair on his back than on his head.
Shaves his legs, chest, arms.
Brags about how rich he is then at the end of the meal asks me to go dutch.
Worships sports. Any sports, to the point that it becomes an obsession.
Brags about how great his ex-girlfriends were.
Tells me he’s afraid of how fat I am going to get because of how much I eat.


Rose: Mich, we should do a joint blog about how penis size does matter.

Me: Maybe we should explain that huge isn’t important and actually really sucks, but tiny could be a huge problem. They know that though, don’t they? I mean, if they know this then why is my junk mail filled with spam about “enlarging your member”? Perhaps we should do a joint blog on relationship issues. This could be entertaining. You could do the ‘I totally suckered someone into legally pledging their undying love to me forever’ marriage end of it, I could do the ‘I’m a psycho/loser and couldn’t get anyone to love me long enough to say ‘I do’’ side.

PS. Click here for Rose's blog
PPS. Check out our new blog... The Bitch Blog