Ode to Flo

I have a new roommate. It seems to be working out well. She doesn’t watch any sports on TV and seems to like reality TV and entertainment programs. She seems considerate and normal.

Much much MUCH different than my last roomie. Of course, things seem so normal that I may be forced to dial-up the crazy a bit, just to keep the status quo to some extent. This will have to be done with much caution, however. I would like her to stick around a while.

There are a few things I know for sure I won’t experience ever again though, and this makes me miss Flo LOTS. It’s like the end of an era. Here are some convos that have taken place here (that I can remember) over the last couple of years…

Me: Where are you going tonight Flo?
Flo: The beeyar claw.
Me: Where?
Flo: The beerya claw
Me: Where???
Flo: The beeelyar clob.
Me: What club?
Flo: Beeeellyaarrrrd.
Me: Oh the Billiard Club!
Flo: That’s what I said!
(Haha, at the start, at least once a day, this type of conversation would go on.)

Flo: Are you going to leave the house wearing that?
Me: I knew it; I knew there was something wrong with this outfit!
(My friends and I often discussed the fact that Flo wasn’t exactly a ‘metrosexual’, he was just French. Even so, he knew more about fashion than most guys, though it was slanted to his own ‘taste’.)

... Some mornings I wake up and it looks like someone snuck into my room at some point in the night and used my face as a punching bag. One morning was particularly bad and the conversation went like this:
Flo: Are you leaving for school soon?
Me: Yeah, pretty quick here, why?
Flo: [Dead serious] But Meesh, what are you going to do about your face?

Flo: Oh Meesh, those jeans are OWE-FOOL (awful). Look at that (points at my thighs).
Me: Those are called saddlebags Flo.
Flo: What?
Me: SADDLEBAGS. This shall be your English word for the day.

Me: Hey Flo, did you get lucky last night?
Flo: Ah BAH! MEESH!!! I’m not goeeng to tell you that!

Me: So did you hump her?
Flo: What???
Me: New word for the day Flo, “hump”. It’s another word for ‘screw’, ‘have sex with’…
Flo: Ah Meesh… ... How you say it, ‘omp? I will have to use that word at work today! Deed you ‘omp ‘er…
Me: HHHHHUUUmp.

Me: Buuuuuuurrrp!
Flo: Mon Dieu! Meesh!
(Hehe, I love getting that reaction from him.)

Me: Flo, if you’d just give your cereal bowl a quick rinse after you’re done it would so much easier to clean later…
Flo: My mother has been telling me that for 29 years!

Me: Flo, have you been drinking my lemon juice? Look, it was full and then the other day I go to use it and suddenly it’s almost empty!!!
Flo: It was sooo good though… Ok, I will replace Meesh.

Me: Flo, were you eating my bananas?
Flo: Oh, but I thought they were mine Meesh!
Me: No, they’re mine. I was wondering why you kept eating my bananas!
Flo: I was wondering why mine kept disappearing!
Me: You ate yours a long time ago!

Flo: I’m goeeng to rock your bod-DEE, la la la la la la la la la rock your bod-DEE… I should learn the lyrics to Justin Timberlake.
(He used to sing all the time in this weird voice, almost like the most annoying sound in the world put to a melody. I didn’t mind it too much but the cats would always run. The only thing was that he’d always bug me about my singing!)

Me: (singing to System of a Down BYOB and imitating the singer’s deep voice) … Lies from the tablecloth, Lalalalalalalalala ooh-OOH!
Flo: Meesh, stop it! Qu'une horreur!

I never did write about Flo’s going away party. OMG. He got so drunk that he dropped his pants several times on the dance floor. Then he’d bend over in so that all of us girls could slap his ass. During the evening, as soon as he’d spot me on the dance floor, he’d wade through the crowd to give me a big peck (on the lips!) and tell me he loved me. He also slapped my butt once, and a friend of mine’s 3x! And one of those times he even cupped her butt! Perhaps he figured he could burn some bridges because he may not be coming back to Canada! He’s never pulled that shit with us before… that buggah. Anyways, he got booted out of the bar eventually, got home and crawled from the elevator to the apartment and then crawled straight to the toilet. Haha, he wasn’t feeling too well the next day.

Oh wait, that’s one similarity between him and my new roomie, hehe, she was hurling in the toilet this past Sunday after an evening of drinkin’ and dancin’. Ah, it’s good to see that some things don’t change too much.