Weird Shoe Dude

I’m trying to figure out how to pick up Deneen’s boots for her at the shoe repair place. You see, I was doing her a small favour by dropping her boots off, at least it started out as a SMALL favour! How could I have predicted that the old Peruvian shoe guy would totally talk my ear off?!? I had no options for escape and at least a ½ hour later I finally made my break for it!

Let’s check out the gamut of topics he covered in that time:

The lady before me kept coming back for zipper repair

It was a long coat and every time she sits down, her legs naturally spread and wear the zipper.

She refused to listen to him about opening the zipper BEFORE sitting down and so of course she was back with another zipper to fix.

I wondered if it was worse with men because they spread their legs even more when they sit down.

He agreed and said that they had to protect the family jewels.

Joke about penis/vagina size (what the?)

Not going to get into that one.

Joke about what the word for peeping Tom was in Inuit… Tukaluk (took a look).

Curiosity about how the hell Deneen had ripped her boot

Inspected it and offered possible ways to fix it.

Asked, “Did she trip or something?” “Did she kick her boyfriend, look at the pointed toe on that…”

Did I knit my own toque?

Apparently they were selling Peruvian toques in the mall before but now you can find them anywhere.

Peruvians in their toques get really red cheeks without wearing any makeup, due to the wind and sun exposure.

Israelis didn’t want to give up their land because it has aquifers on it.

With aquifers you can grow strawberries up a tall pole, really high, the water comes up from below and they’re easy to pick.

Water is worth more than petroleum if you take the price of a bottle of it.

Found out that I’m in nutrition.

A diabetic guy he knew as a kid changed his diet and lived healthy a long time.

Hasn’t had a Coke since Junior High Chemistry class when the Coke chewed through the nail that soaked in it overnight.

The chinese guy across the way eats junk food all the time and is always tired and has to have dialysis every other day!!!

Finally, "…Nice talking to you, come back and talk again, anytime."

Uh, I am supposed to graduate this year…

Either Deneen has to get her own boots from that guy, or I have to figure out a strategy for escape. I have until Friday to come up with something…