Kiss my Balls

Don't like the way I drive? Kiss My Balls!

Step aside bumper stickers. Forget about that pissing Calvin decal. Even flames across the side of your vehicle cannot compare to this... Hang some testes from your Toyota. Stick some balls on your Beamer. Hang huevos del toro behind your Honda .

And you can get them all at BullBalls.com

I'd heard about these things but didn't quite believe it. I mean, can someone tell me what is remotely attractive about balls? No one wants to see that!!! Why does Montana tendergroin need to swing from your hitch? It's definitely NOT the 'pussy magnet' Borat was asking the car dealer about. Last I checked, most women think that testicles are kinda, uh… icky. So why would it be cool, aesthetically pleasing or even desirable to hang a set of balls on your truck? Am I missing something here?

Eeeewww?!

You know what I'm thinking though, if there are enough bizarre people in the world who like this sort of thing (see the "Testesmonials" part of the website), then why stop there? Why not make horse, cat or dog balls? People could purchase the nutsack of their favourite breed, like pet-owners seem to love to do. You could get pitbull gonads or poodle nuggets. Maybe Paris Hilton would splurge on some little brass Chihuahua nuts and dangle them from her purse. Perhaps after you neuter a pet, you could get it as collar-bling. They could be like a replacement pair so little Rocko still feels like he's 'the man'. The balls could even be blue, as a daily reminder that at least with fake ones they’ll never have to experience the pain.

I had to laugh at some of the "ballsy quips" on the site. Other than the 'kiss my balls' one above, here are a few other gems:

Testies...one, two. Testies...one, two. Are these things on ?
If your close enough to see my BALLS, you might as well get into my bed!
It takes two to dangle !
BALLS on mah JEEP make all da GIRLS weep !
Now even girls can have balls !!

Hey, us girls have our own balls! They don't exactly dangle in plain sight, I know. While I'm on the topic, why isn't there slang for ovaries? There are so many terms for the male equivalent, yet women can't say anything like "I just didn't have the ovaries to go through with it." And we can't talk about how big they are or show off their size differential at parties. Hmm, we also can't "freeze our balls off" or get "kicked in the kahunas." I suppose that's pretty cool.

Either way, I won't be decorating my car with gonads of ANY type, thank you.