My friends crack me up. Here are a few gems from emails I've recieved from them about the opposite sex, dating and relationships. I hope they don't mind that I've quoted them here!
I am looking for a super smart hotty to support me in my pursuit of the ultimate slack ... jeffereson darcy from married with children style!
At least you can find people to date ...... I have some serious drought issues… I have two kinds of friends... male whores and couch potatoes… none of which provide access to normal girls.
She has a new grad student that's going to start in January that she's bringing to the lunch. IT'S A BOY!! Shoulda worn the extra pushup bra today ... dammit!
My date started at 8 and i ended it at 9:30 haha - so there's nothin to tell there just went for a beer. pretty exciting. he wanted to do somethin like watch a movie or whatever but I'm tired and don't really give a crap. basically I'm just a bad date haha … well I didn't say the give a crap part. just that I had to do some stuff cuz it's busy this week (which it is)… but really what I meant is that I just needed to not do HIM haha. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I never just sit idle except when i go to bed..and even then I am talking talking talking away. Every night [my hubby] has to tell me to settle down hahahah… and the only way I'll do that is if he rubs my bum. HAHAHAHa… I can't believe I just told you that.
Yeah...well we had a good weekend. Lots of farting… so that was a good bonding weekend. Yeah..i was farting without telling him while we were hiking, and I was sure to be in front of him so that it would blow in his face. Hahaha. And they were real ass hair burners… and he'd just go..."OHHHH GOD" hahah. I had a shirt tied around my waist and so when I farted… I would lift my shirt to be sure that the whole fart was released and not lost. Haha I laughed so much... not dissipated too much before contact. As I was hiking... I had to stop and sit.. I was laughing so hard… because I was trying to be discrete...hahah and not let him know and only let him discover the stench. Anyway..so it was a good bonding weekend.
>Is the “walk of shame” actually a walk of shame if you didn’t have sex???
uh-oh hahaha .... why do you ask? I think it may still qualify if you look like crap, to the point where someone might just assume you did have sex.
We went out for dinner... [then later] smooched a bit, more smooching and goodnight. Then went over sunday night watched a movie, major smooching, no skin... loving it. Then he came by on Wednesday night when I was closing the store. we went for a beer. Went back to [his house] for some smooching, a bit of skin was exposed this time, holy crap, he's hot...
He was very sweet with his latest thoughts over the phone yesterday... too bad the connection was crap! you lose a bit of the moment when he's pouring his heart out to me & I keep having to ask "What?" because stupid phone keeps breaking up. It was actually almost comical... poor guy!
I should parent or something, the wife is working tonight. The kid was playing with a bunch of beanie babies that her grandma sent. She just finished calling and thanking them. Now she is practicing with matches or knives. I don't know, I am downstairs.
I think I'll start nursing again out of desperation to shrink the muffin top - Meathead says it's more like a cupcake - which is a compliment from him. He's lost 7lbs in 5 weeks (gone from 3 chins to 2 chins).
I haven't seen him in over 2 weeks now, this is ridic. It's classic alright, can you say "stringing me along"? Might as well have a leash around my neck... although if he had a leash on me, at least I'd get to see him. Or maybe I have the leash, and he's not holding it. Holy, symbolic. So the only thing keeping me there.... is ME. Depressing. I've talked myself into a depression just now. Thanks for letting me talk to me.
And finally... this one cracks me up because it so totally points to the miscommunication between men and women:
Yup, things were going along great. [My male friend] and I even chatted about my boyfriend and how he [the friend] was hoping there'd be lots of pretty girl at the Halloween party bla bla bla, and how he knows we're just friends. Unfortunately at the end of the night he tried to kiss me AGAIN!!! AWKWARD! He did come by the next day and apolagize. Then he said it was my fault because I was sending mixed signals. Apparently this is because I asked him to come up on the way home... yes that is true... but we both had slices of pizza in a box to go and it seemed to be the thing to do to invite him up to eat.(trust me at the end of a night of drinking I don't really put much thought into anything!) When he came up stairs we ate and argued about universities. Personally I wouldn't say that's "temptress" conversation, but what do I know, I was drunk! I did bring this up but he said it was my body language too and that I was leaning towards him. Well, this may be true, but it was probably more a case of me teetering drunk on the floor pillow. So really in my mind it was nothing but apparently it depends on the interpretation. I guess the moral of the story is not to invite guys up at the end of the night if they are just "friends". Doesn't anyone have any self control any more? Or was I really out of line?
One more... I'm not sure where the heck this quote came from:
Positive thought for the day...
When you feel that nobody loves you,
Nobody cares for you,
And everyone is ignoring you,
You should start asking yourself...
... Am I TOO sexy?
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