Butt Complex: Update

So last night one of my mini friends asked me to do some jeans shopping with her. It’s almost impossible for me to say no to that, so I went. Dumb move. For one thing, I had banned myself from buying jeans last fall. It seemed that they were quickly taking over my closet while my bank account dwindled miserably. I mean, what’s with this quest for the miracle jeans that will make my J Lo ass look Diaz?

Anyways, so I ended up trying on a lot of jeans. By the end of it, any shred of positive body image I had entering the mall had died a slow and painful death. These jeans were all made for boyish bodies (big waist, no ass, no thighs). In fact this one pair, I have to admit, actually squished my butt into this weird shape that my friend said looked like a squished pillow!!!! What the? A PILLOW??? I could hardly believe my ears! It was kinda true though. They had a 3-way mirror and I could see that big squished pillow larger than life in those glaring fluorescent mall lights. Hmmm… then she proceeded to ask me if her toothpick thighs looked big in those jeans…

Speaking of which, I got some flack from a couple of my friends about my Christmas Conspiracy blog entry. My friend Lisa, who’d given me Body Shop Body Butter (this wonderful moisturizer in Coconut flavour) for Christmas, but who I’d given espresso beans and caramel sauce to, responded humorously:

I also looked at your blog - your revenge plot to fatten your friends has worked - the caramel sauce is almost gone. It's been on many banana splits, cake, lattes and yes I even ate it out of the jar with a spoon last night. Beware - the "Body Butter" was not for ingestion but for topical application only it may cause diarrhea and excessive bloating!

So I responded:

Oh don't worry, that blog was pretty tongue in cheek;) I do love the body butter... I've been enjoying it daily. I haven't ingested it, but hopefully rubbing it on my ass doesn't make it fat.

… I’m starting to wonder, though, after the pillow incident.