I got more sleep last night then I did in the last two put together. I'm half awake and ready to blog! I've been gorging on some ideas lately... are you ready for the purge???
There are now officially about 1024 versions of the song Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. Everyone loves it because we can all relate! In the song he says he thinks he may be crazy and then says you may be too. I guess that makes us all freakin' crazy! (Probably not too far off). My favorite version of the song is Crazy Logic. (The original version is featured on a past post of mine, Gnarls is Gnarly.)
I got a lot of flack about my previous post The Tiny Ant and the Giant Foot. People responded, "What's with the ant post?" (like it was substandard or something) or "Did you get bit by an ant today?" Uh, no. But I saw the little guy down by my foot and he was thinking of making that fateful journey! Stupidass ant!!! And I've been bitten by the buggers many times before. They must know they will die if they make the choice. Maybe ants are like the suicide bombers of the insect world. I was like, "What are you THINKING little ant?" Does that make the ant crazy? Possibly.
I'm always at odds when I go on a date over whether to mention any of my blog topics or even reveal that I have a blog. Recently a guy mentioned that he's a practical joker. Oops. There's the bait for me to tell the story "You didn't just EAT that..." where I got Deneen real good with the fake poo. I told him later that I bet he'd never had a girl mention the word "excrement" on a date before. I figure it's just a matter of time before he drops poo-girl. Hey, I'm a nutritionist! We nutritionists (like the Inuit for word 'snow') have about 1000 words for the 'poo'. The arsenal is ready. Haha, arsenal. Ok then. Guess I just answered my own question... either drop the blog and poo talk, or never ever ever get a second date.
Why is it that whenever I call any communications company, they begin every phone call with "We apologize for any inconvenience, but we are experiencing a larger then usual call volume at the moment..." Coincidence? I think they use that old trick of giving you the bad news first, so that IF they get to you sooner, you're pleasantly surprised. Anyways, it turns out that Rogers Wireless wants to penalize me for being a customer of theirs for 8 years by making me buy a new cell phone. If I sign up as a new customer I get one free. WTF? That's customer appreciation for ya. Guess I'll be shopping elsewhere Rogers.
Did you know that there's a city in the U.S. called Rancho Cucamonga? I love it. It would make me smirk everytime I had to admit I lived there.
I was telling my friend Jen that she gets hit on a lot at the bar. Her reply? It's not a compliment if: 1) the guy is so drunk he can't see straight or 2) it's almost 2am. She has a point. We noticed that at about 1:45 there's a mad scramble to pair up. Then they look at you like you're crazy when you say, "Uh, no thanks" and RUN.
My love of food and my love of clothes is in direct odds with each other. I don't get a large enough paycheque to have my love of clothes keep up with my love of food. Recently I had to explain to a friend what a "muffin top" was. That is, the rolls that hang over your low-rider jeans in a muffin top manner. (He was thinking it was something altogether different). Oh well. Guess I'll be sportin' my muffin top all the way to the Heritage Festival this weekend!!!
See ya!
4 comments:
I thought that the ant story was political satire.
I know some people who have a very unflattering name for the women who are picked up & actually go home with drunkies at the end of the night during that 2AM scramble: swamp donkeys. Don't ask me why. I don't even want to know why.
The ant story could be analogous to many things...
Swamp donkey eh? Isn't that just an ugly chick? Perhaps that's what happens when you scramble at 2AM when you're impaired and desperate. And when I say "you" and "you're" I meant in general, not uh, actually YOU. Haha. What is it when a chick makes a very very bad decision at 2AM? Can her drunken scramble pick also be called a swamp donkey?
I think swamp donkey is like the result of a really ugly desperate attempt at finding SOMEONE to go home with. And I don't know what the male equivalent of a swamp donkey would be. Perhaps just "mistaaaaaaaaaaake"? My friend Melissa suggested "jackass", haha. Of course to his male friends he would be "stud" or something stupid. Oh well - any ideas out there in cyberspace?
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