Yay, it wasn't a murder!!!

In my last post I mentioned the 'suspicious death' across the street and subsequent visit by the dashing young cop to my very humble abode where I was caught with my pants down, so to speak. That’s a pretty cool saying, 'caught with my pants down.' That’s totally how I felt. Especially if I wore uggo undies or even, God forbid, went without any.

*Shudder*

Figures of speech are funny when you’ve never heard them before. Yesterday I was telling my friend Vanessa that I’d cleaned my house but it was just a drop in the bucket. She exclaimed something to the effect of, "You dropped the bucket?! How did you do that?"

What the?

That’s not the first expression I’ve had to explain to her either… There’s also, "If I had my druthers" (ok, so that one’s a bit obscure), "dating the palm sisters" and even, "it was an arms-length relationship" just to name a few. Granted, about half the phrases she doesn't understand have some dirty connotation. Oh Van. You're so much fun sometimes.

Anyways, I kind of tangentisized there… back on topic… the murder (turns out it wasn't a murder, which although it's not so cool that someone croaked, it's always nice that it wasn't at the hands of some sicko) and oh yes, the cute cop. In my last post’s comments, birdhead asked me to describe the pretty policeman. Well birdhead, he looked like this:


Note to birdhead: drool can ruin a perfectly good keyboard, or was meathead really smart for a change and get the waterproof kind? Lord only knows what he does in the basement in front of that computer all day...

Ok so the cop kinda looked like that except he didn’t have a beard, or the PJ bottoms (it was me in the PJs), or his shirt off… though if he’d had his shirt off, this is what I would’ve expected (or, uh, hoped for… dammit, when am I gonna get that strip-o-gram!) Oh geez, I totally apologize for where this post is heading. Somehow it weaves its way back to the shameless male gratuitous nudity every time! Plus it's turning into a true rambler. It’s Friday though, what do you expect? I’m all over the friggin place!

Ok, so I put this pair of PJ bottoms on today (working at home again, what a total lazyass... oh and blogging too... I'm hitting the bottom of the barrel in slackerville at the moment). So I was thanking the lord above that I hadn’t been wearing these PJs the day that cop dropped in. They have a huge hole in the ass, but I love them so much that I can't bear to throw them away. So I wear them only when I’m home alone. This is fine except that I had a dream recently that I’d worn them out in public ALL DAY before I remembered (that realization part of the dream where your heart drops down to the bottom of your gut)... oh shit, these are the PJs with the gaping butt-hole! So I turned to my friend and asked if it was noticeable (you always hope they say something like, "what hole?") No such luck. She said it was "blatantly obvious." Well then why the hell didn't you say something?! Thanks for nuthin TAM. How embarrassing.

So the other day it could have been worse I guess, the cop could've gotten full view of my butt crack. Yes, it never fails, I can ALWAYS make myself feel better by thinking of ways a situation could've been worse. I could have literally been caught with my pants open.

If I hear a knock today, NO ONE is home.